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* If you’re “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World,” keep looking.
You won’t find much of it in the Albert Brooks movie of the same name. It could have been a lot funnier, but wasn’t. I thought I’d love this movie, but didn’t–even though it makes a lot of great points, as in, that the Muslim World is humorless. This movie certainly reflected that.
It’s about a comedian, Albert Brooks playing himself, who’s recruited by the government to try to figure out what makes the Muslim world laugh–an attempt to win them over (as if that’s possible; it ain’t, but for a brute-strength show of who’s boss). He is sent to India and Pakistan with two useless State Department flunkies. (India is home to 100 million Muslims, though the movie claims 150 million–wrong.)

Yes, there are a few good jokes. The Polish eye-chart one is great (I’m 100% of Polish-Jewish extraction, so, please, no Polish hate-mail).
Then there’s the great joke showing the Indian call-center answering calls for American insurance companies, department stores . . . even, “Hello, the White House, how may I help you?” Hilarious. But most of the movie isn’t hilarious. Not even close.
But for the anti-Semitic Indian Muslim asking for a job from the Jewish Brooks, the Al-Jazeera execs who want to hire him for a new reality show about a Jew living in an all-Muslim apartment building (“That Darn Jew”), and stoned Pakistanis who laugh at a comedy act that’s not funny, the movie is a bore.
As for the points the movie makes–besides that fact that the Muslim world is humorless–the film shows how dumb these silly State Dept. programs pandering to the Muslim world, truly are. They don’t work. In the case of this movie, Brooks’ search for humor brought Pakistan and India to the brink of war, and the program was discontinued.
A lesson for our country: Don’t use these stupid programs to try to pander to those who hate us. They laugh at this (that’s their “comedy”). The best thing they understand is a big, strong military kick in the butt, including guns, missiles, and bombs, if necessary. It works a whole lot better than “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.” That doesn’t exist there.
* Also opening in a lot of theaters around the country (out already for weeks in limited release) is “. Like I said, I don’t understand all the hype about it, since this Woody Allen is really a remake of Woody Allen’s “Crime and Misdemeanors“. Different continent, accents, professions. Same plot and ending.

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Uh-Oh! ICE Princess –barely two weeks on the job–has already subverted her own agents and added to the illegal alien problem.
ICE agents rounded up 72 illegal aliens in League City, Texas–near Galveston. (This report says 62. It’s actually 72.) But they were ordered, by ICE headquarters–reportedly, ICE Princess Julie Myers, herself–to release all of them. All were undocumented illegal alien workers, but since ICE was only looking for those with criminal records, they were let go into the great American abyss, perhaps never to be found again.

Clueless: Michael Chertoff & Julie Myers of “Homeland Security” (& Myers Stooge )
(Artwork Courtesy of Our Friend David Lunde)
So what was it that the was telling the Senate about how she will FIX the problems at ICE? Don’t hold your breath, despite her PR trip and pics of herself in the internal newsletter, “ICE Update” (in which she pretends to be stepping up efforts to stop illegals). If you held your breath for her buddy/boss Mr. Burns’ (DHS Secretary ) multiple statements of ending the policy of “catch-and-release” for illegal aliens, you’d now be dead.
That’s what you get when the cast of “Clueless” is “running” Homeland Security.

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Since we are frequently critics of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), the federal government’s lead agency in enforcing immigration and money laundering laws, we will take this time to recognize a good thing.
Last week, members of ICE’s Michigan Detention and Removal Operations fugitive squad helped capture Tommy Hardin, a man charged with 37 counts of robbery and kidnapping and featured on “America’s Most Wanted”. We note that this particular DRO office is headed by , one of our Law Enforcement (for going toe-to-toe with “former” Islamic terrorists and ).

America’s Most Wanted Fugitive Tommy Hardin Captured by ICE Team Run by Robin Baker
But we also note that while ICE is bragging about capture of this man–who while a wanted criminal is not an illegal alien, the domain of ICE–the agency is canceling, for budgetary reasons, a contract with a private prison holding illegal aliens in Eloy, Arizona (near Phoenix). The facility held 800 illegal aliens.
So much for DHS Secretary ‘s (a/k/a Mr. Burns) endless declarations that he is going to END the “catch and release” program of releasing illegal aliens into the American abyss. Looks more like he is EXPANDING this disastrous program.
Ditto for his pet appointee , who heads ICE (so this is HER responsibility) and just made a phony PR trip to Phoenix declaring she, too, would fix the bleeding illegal alien problem.
****UPDATE: When we’re wrong, we’re wrong. The ICE source who sent us the article thought this was an ICE contract, but another source says it is not. The article we cited did not make it clear. The other ICE source says the prison contract was NOT cancelled by ICE but by another federal agency. Here are the details from that ICE source:

The Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP) is canceling the contract with Corrections Corporation of America (CCA) [which owns/operates the detention facility], not ICE, due to their budget issues. However, ICE “rides” on the BOP contract to detain aliens there, and this is something we don’t want to happen. Negotiations are in process to see if ICE can negotiate it’s own contract with CCA to continue holding aliens there.

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Something must be in the water at “The View.” On this site, we’ve documented the absurd comments of the hosts on ABC’s daytime anti-male yenta-fest.
Most of the stupidity exudes from the mouths of Star Jones and Joy Behar, the two most annoying members of a group of five uber-annoying women. The latest is Star Jones’ “commentary” about the War on Terror. In her warped view, apparently it’s all about Bush and Bin Laden fighting over penis size, and calorically-gifted big-mouth Jones thinks Bush should negotiate with this murderer of over 3,000 Americans.
Get these Star Jones gems, , as reported in today’s New York Post:

“You know what? At some point, one of these men has to put it back in his pants and zip up the zipper.” . . . .
She even suggested that Bush hold some kind of talk with the man behind 9/11 [Bin Laden].
“I won’t trust him, but anything that gives me the opportunity to seek peace, I would at least check it out. . . . People make deals with the devil all the time. We make deals with people we don’t like.”

Self-obsessed Jones, who won’t tell how she lost some of her extensive weight (probably stomach stapling), recently put out a “weight-loss”/advice book, “Shine,” which she apparently didn’t write. Here’s a pic of her reading it (courtesy of US Magazine).

As we’ve documented on this site, in recent past episodes of “The View”, host Joy Behar
* in his response to Hurricane Katrina (based on an interview she heard on “The Howard Stern Show”); and
* said .
All of the “ladies” of “The View” participated in a fresh off serving in Iraq who claims he can’t get a job. They–especially Star Jones–promised to find him a job.
Did they? Amidst pontificating about the War on Terror as a penis contest, we doubt it.

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Why do I read stupid “women’s” magazines, like Glamour and Cosmo? So you don’t have to. I tell you what your wives, girlfriends, and maybe even (if you are a woman) you are reading.
The February (Valentine’s Day) issue is most interesting. In addition to featuring a picture of Mary Cheney and her “partner” and gushing over how cool it is that they appeared together at an official White House Dinner, Glamour gives us “Rescue Me!–Your Most Intimate Problems, Solved: Big Worries, Little Worries, Weird Worries.” And guess what February’s lead “worry” is?:

Q: I recently reconnected with a childhood friend and it turns out she’s very politically conservative. (I’m definitely not!) Is our friendship doomed?

Here’s Glamour’s answer, courtesy of advice columnist Irma Kurtz:

A: Not necessarily, assuming this woman hasn’t mentioned things that you found deeply offensive or upsetting. . . . Think “friendship lite” . . . .

So there you have it: Being a conservative woman is an “intimate problem” according to chick-mag Glamour. Remember that the next time a chick you know plunks down the three or four bucks for this trash.

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Some people have asked what cost is involved in (other ).
It will cost you nothing. I am not asking for money for my legal work in this. There are a few hundred dollars in filing and service of process fees, however, for which we will be raising funds to cover.
Many thanks to the great Michelle Malkin for posting this. She has signed up to intervene. Will you?

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It’s official. ROGER EBERT HAS DECLARED WAR ON ME (and Ann Coulter, too).
Check this out. My movie reviews must be getting to movie critic Roger Ebert.
Ebert and I have had it out over his buddy, Islamic terrorist, Ibrahim Parlak ( and here). He even cited me in one of his movie reviews, in response.
But now Roger Ebert has posted this on his website. It’s written by RogerEbert.com editor, Jim Emerson. And not to spoil his little game, but I wrote all the reviews cited, except “Good Night & Good Luck” and “Passion of the Christ.”

Liberal Film Critic Roger Ebert:
Gives Mighty Thumbs Down to Conservative Film Critic Debbie Schlussel
Even though I appreciate the exposure–not to mention the ire of all things Ebert, including people and fans–I think I should ask my lawyers if quoting extensively from NINE of my movie reviews violates my copyright, since it’s well more than fair use. If he was going to use so much of my work, couldn’t he, at least, have linked to MY reviews (instead of his own), or MY website?
But, at least, Ebert and company quoted me accurately. I stand by each and every movie review to which they refer, even the excerpts they posted–which I must say are good representations of what I wrote about those films.
So does this mean Ann and I can now have our own movie review show? I guarantee we’d rival Ebert and Roeper in the ratings. People get tired of hearing two middle-aged liberal dudes wax ad absurdum about the merits of “” and Yasser Shlemielberg’s “”.
Ebert and Emerson have a couple of things wrong:
1) I have NEVER “smooched O’Reilly’s rear”. .
2) As much as they like using the theme song from “The Patty Duke Show,” (Identical Twin Cousins?) Ann and I don’t look alike at all. She’s about a foot taller than me. I’m only 5′ 2″ (well, 5′ 6″ in the heels I usually wear).
But it’s nice to see that, like Today’s USA today, Ebert and Jim, too, have declared war on White Blonde Women. Well, at least liberals are consistent. And monotone.

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BIG THANKS to the lovely Michelle Malkin–as well as the wonderful readers of this site. I’ve received notes from many more of you saying you want to be , to assert our interests as American citizens who wanted to be safe and secure from terrorists.
Both Michelle and Stop the ACLU.ORG have signed on, and Stop the ACLU.ORG will be the lead interevener.
I will try to get back to all of you over the weekend and into next week with what is required. I will need everyone’s complete name and contact info (full name, phone number, e-mail address, complete U.S. snailmail address–you must be a U.S. citizen). If you have e-mailed me regarding this, I will respond via e-mail to you over the weekend and into next week, with an affidavit to sign (with notarized signature) and a brief agreement saying you agree to have me represent you in court for this matter and that I will not charge you any fees.
If you have not yet e-mailed but are interested in joining, please e-mail me with the information requested above.
Read more about .

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Check out this outrage from our “ally in the War on Terror”, Jordan.
The state-run, state-sanctioned Jordan Times spews the official position of the country’s Hashemite King Abdullah. And apparently, the official position of the Kingdom is that if you are an American citizen who supports American policy in the Middle East, and you are kidnapped by insurgents, you are the “right target.” You deserved it and should be beheaded.
But if you oppose U.S. policy in the Mid-East, LIKE JILL CARROLL DOES, then you are the “wrong target.” Check out The Jordan Times Sunday “editorial” on the Christian Science Monitor free-lancer:

The kidnappers who abducted her could not have chosen a more wrong target. True, Jill is a US citizen. But she is also more critical of US policies towards the Middle East than many Arabs. . . . Jill has been from day one opposed to the war, to the invasion and occupation of Iraq.
More than just being sympathetic with average Iraqis under war and occupation, Jill is a true believer in Arab causes.
From Arabic food to the Arabic language, Jill has always wanted to know and experience as much as possible about Arab identity, and she is keen on absorbing it, learning, understanding and respecting it.
She doesn’t just “like” Arab culture, she loves it. . . . It is simply unconscionable for any Arab to want to harm a person like her.

Jordan Times’ Beheading Candidates: Okay, Okay, Not Okay
Nick Berg, Keith “Matt” Maupin, Jill Carroll
Predictably, the Terrorist News Network (a/k/a Al-Jazeera) is eating this up.
Oops, we almost forgot. Jill was good friends with .
So, there you have it–the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan’s sickening, official view: If you are a pan-Islamist American, you deserve to live and be released by your captors. But if you are a patriotic American and not a far-lefty wacko, it’s the Nick Berg treatment for you . . . and deservedly so.
Shukran (Thank you), King Abdullah. Moumtez (Excellent).

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Check out what racist bigot had to say during his MLK Day visit to the Detroit area’s Oakland University.
Too bad Spike never listens to the title of his movie, “Do the Right Thing.” His “right” thing is to continue to attack the President Bush, and now he’s making money off it (through a propaganda “documentary”). As reported by The Detroit Spews, sounds like Spike’s been smoking the same thing as Kanye “George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People” West:

Lee, now working on an HBO documentary on the effects of Hurricane Katrina, blasted the Bush administration for its response to victims. He said he repeatedly heard international friends commenting on how New Orleans “looked like a Third World country, like (in) Africa or India.”
“Dr. King would have been greatly upset about what happened in Katrina and the slow-as-molasses response to the people there,” he said.
“How did America leave its people hanging out to dry?”

Spike Lee: Got Reverse Racism?
We wonder how much of the money from his films Spike Lee will donate to the Katrina victims. How much did he give already?
Remember what we said about Spike Lee? Read all the facts you need to know about this professional race merchant and here.