By Debbie Schlussel
As I’ve previously noted on this site, Michigan is one of the few states where illegal aliens can freely get a driver’s license, no questions asked. They just have to provide a utility bill showing residence, or sign a document stating they don’t have a social security number. It’s that easy, and that’s why illegal alien criminals come to Michigan from all over America to get driver’s licenses. Innocent people have died because of these illegal alien driver’s licenses.
And yet, Michigan’s Republican Secretary of State Terry Lynn Land and Republican Attorney General Mike Cox did nothing about it. Despite complaints, she insisted on continuing to issue them and even introduced an Elliot Spitzer-style set of different driver’s licenses for the aliens. Cox just ignored the issue. Both of them actively looked the other way for FIVE YEARS.

Mike Cox: Michigan Attorney General
Allowed Illegal Aliens to Get Driver’s Licenses for FIVE YEARS!
But now, after five years in office for both of them in their current respective statewide offices, both Land and Cox are term-limited. And both are running for Governor of Michigan. So, five years too late, Cox has decided to finally do something, so he can distinguish himself from Land, once the gubernatorial race is in full-force in a year or so. But it is too little too late.
Today, both Detroit papers feature stories about Cox’s opportunistic and long overdue Attorney General’s opinion that illegal aliens are not entitled to Michigan Driver’s Licenses. Where was he the previous five years?
Oh, he was busy with more important things, like jailing a bankrupt former NFL player and keeping him from his kids, despite the protests of the mothers of all of the kids. Cox has made a name for himself going after “deadbeat dads”–that’s what he calls them, whereas I prefer the more accurate, “deadbeat parents.”
And he was busy not prosecuting Muslim illegal alien women who defrauded Medicaid to have their kids here, while he went on “O’Reilly Factor,” claiming he actually did something. (And he lied to O’Reilly, claiming the persons who exposed the scam were Arabs; They were NOT.) He did not and allowed it to continue for at least five years, and continues to allow it. (He waited until the women fled the country and were untouchable, before he prosecuted them.)
And then, there’s Cox’s multiple visits to extremist Arab and Muslim organizations, such as “former” Islamic terrorist Imad Hamad’s ADC-Michigan office and the pro-Hezbollah/HAMAS Council of Islamic Organizations of Michigan banquet.
Oh, and I almost forgot, there are Cox’s press conferences and statements admitting an extra-marital affair (there have been several), after he issued a report excusing his McNamara Machine buddy, Kwame “The Kingpin” Kilpatrick, the Mayor of Detroit of participating in the drive-by assassination of a woman who had stripped for him at a wild party at the Manoogian Mayoral Mansion. (The McNamara Machine is the political machine of the corrupt late Wayne County executive Ed McNamara, who died with a net worth of multi-millions after years of sleaze in office. Cox, Mayor Kilpatrick’s father, and current Michigan Gov. Jennifer “GranHO” Granholm were all disciples of McNamara and helped cover-up for him.
Here’s the money-quote about what happened in Michigan for the last five years on both Cox’s and Land’s watch:

The state doesn’t track how many illegal immigrants already have received licenses.

So, to all those who applaud Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox for finally outlawing driver’s licenses for illegal aliens, please ask Cox:
Where were you the last five years while illegal aliens–many of them Muslims with ties to Hezbollah, HAMAS, and Al-Qaeda–got legitimate Michigan Driver’s Licenses (which don’t expire for years) on your watch?
Why did you do nothing on this for years, until you were starting to run for governor?
Thank you very little.

By Debbie Schlussel
On this site, I’ve chronicled many of the various women’s products that have been repackaged for men. There are women’s beauty products–moisturizer and exfoliator and anti-wrinkle cream. And now, there is that product all men have been waiting for: [Drum Roll] . . . the Man-Girdle.
Yes, it is now considered acceptable–in vogue–for a man to sport women’s underwear. For the man who wants to keep his girlish figure (Tom Brady 10 years from now, for example), Wacoal Holdings–maker of expensive bras and legwear for women–now has the “Ex Walker” a/k/a the Man Girdle. It’s in Japan now, but it’s coming soon to a store near you (and I predict it’s not long before Under Armour gets into the biz–it’s not that different from some of that gear made for athletics).
Transvestitism is the new black. Don’t men realize there’s a reason that G-I-R-L are most of the letters in girdle? Just askin’:

Got Girdle?

For decades, Wacoal Holdings, one of Japan’s largest makers of women’s underwear, has been selling girdles for women that promise to tuck in flabby tummies. Now, the company is starting to promote an unconventional companion product: a girdle for men.
Earlier this year, Wacoal launched a men’s girdle that touts its stomach-flattening ability. In January, it expects to start selling a version that goes a step further. The stretchy underwear, called the “ex walker,” is made of specially woven nylon and polyurethane that the company says is designed to actually tone the thighs and hips, not just hold them in shape temporarily.
Ex walker’s pitch: A step toward slimmer you.
Wacoal recently ran a full-page ad in the Nikkei, Japan’s biggest economic newspaper, describing the ex walker as a health-promoting product, complete with statements from a physician who says the underwear helps reduce body fat. [DS: Riiight.] It has produced promotional DVDs filled with details about how the girdle forces people to take longer strides when they walk, which consumes more energy. It has started distributing the promotional material to corporate health-insurance groups and sports gyms, where the product will be sold initially. Starting in April, the girdles also will be sold in department stores. . . .
Wacoal saw an opportunity for its girdle but knew it had to tread carefully. The company decided not to even mention the word “girdle,” for fear it would scare men away. And because men tend to be interested in how a product works, the company filled promotional material with details such as how the material in the underwear is woven. The weave exerts more tension on the front of the thighs, which forces the knees to stretch more, lengthens each stride and forces the leg to kick back. This way of walking makes the hip and thigh muscles work harder, and thus the wearer burns more energy, the company says.
“This is not a girdle, but exercise wear,” stresses Wacoal spokesman Tadashi Nishitani. “We’re trying to promote this as a health-supporting tool.” Wacoal plans to package the ex walker with a DVD explaining the correct way to walk while wearing the underwear. . . .
Wacoal hopes to sell a modest 600 million yen ($5.2 million) of the ex walker for both men and women for the fiscal year ending March 2010. The company says it expects the men’s version to sell more than the women’s.
While Wacoal is targeting middle-age men, other companies have been selling girdles to fashion-conscious younger men. The Japanese operation of Triumph International, a Swiss-based lingerie maker, launched a girdle for men two years ago, and it was soon featured in fashion magazines. The product was a minor hit among young men wearing slim pants, though sales have declined recently.

So, now they need a spokesmodel. I nominate: George Costanza, Joe Namath (a natural progression from the panty hose phase), or John Edwards.

By Debbie Schlussel
This has got to be the false advertising or anti-truth-in-advertising story of the year.
What do you do when you have a city from which people are escaping in droves? What do you do when your city has a record high number of foreclosures due to unpaid mortgages?
Well, if you’re Dearbornistan–especially if you’re the corrupt mayor, John “Jack” O’Reilly, and under investigation for “favors” you did for Hezbollah’s chief American financier, Talal Chahine–you spend $300,000 of taxpayer money in a new marketing campaign, trying to convince people why Dearbornistan is a great place to live:

“We want to say if you haven’t considered Dearborn, you’re not working in your best interest,” [said] Mayor John O’Reilly.

Hilarious.

Yes, and if you haven’t considered Islam and beheading, you’re not working in your best interest. And if you haven’t taken bribes and kickbacks in exchange for voting to give millions to Hezbollah’s financier and shielding a corrupt Hezbollah-supporting cop for years–as Mayor O’Reilly seems to have done–you’re not working in your best interest. But, don’t worry, Mayor O’Reilly continues to work in his best interest.
So, what kind of points would you make with such an exorbitant marketing campaign? Well, here’s a suggestion:
* This is a great American city, where there aren’t intolerant Muslims dominating the landscape, schools, and every other part of life. You will be far away from the jihads of the Middle East.
Oh, wait, it’s Dearbornistan a/k/a Little Bint Jbeil, Hezbollah’s American beachhead. Cross that one off the list. Definitely doesn’t apply.
* Shawarmeh in every pot, a mosque on every corner.
* Your neighborhood will be neat and clean, your neighbors the same, and you will enjoy our tight-night communities.
Oh, wait, it’s Deabornistan a/k/a Land of Mortgage Fraud Funding to Hezbollah Leading to Mass Foreclosures. Last year, 1,400 homes in Dearbornistan were foreclosed upon, and this year, the number will be bigger.
Yep, if you live in Dearborn, especially on the East side, your block is likely to be dotted with foreclosed upon, horribly kept houses, that double as prostitution and drug houses by the in-name-only owner. A high incidence of mortgage fraud–mostly by Muslims funnelling the money to Hezbollah–creates these “lovely” ghetto neighborhoods.
So, how exactly do you market Siberia as Palm Beach? Well, you become the marketing director of Palm Beach . . . which doesn’t need a marketing director. It’s Palm Beach, not Dearbornistan.
You can try and make people think that a local pawn shop is Neiman Marcus. But it’s still Gus’ Pawn Shop.
And Dearbornistan is still Dearbornistan. That’s why Christians and other non-Muslims are leaving in droves.
Will the last infidel please turn out the lights on your way out?
On the other hand, here are some of the real marketing points for Dearborn:
* Free daily singing Arabic wake-up call at 5:00 a.m. In case you went to sleep too early, you get the same wake-up call several times a day as late as 10:00 p.m. Features charming lyrics about Allah being the greatest.
* Who said hats were out of style? A large selection of headscarves and coverings in Black, Black-Brown, and Dark Charcoal available all over town.
* Lost your copy of Mein Kampf? Your Arabic copy and other literature about what THE JOOOOS are up to, available at Middle East Bookstore, down the road.
* Feet bothering you? Wash them in luxurious tax-subsidized footbaths at the local universities.
* Lots of Middle East restaurants that operate on a cash only basis, where you avoid the middle man in your Hezbollah holiday “gifting”.
* Lovely rounded calligraphy on store signs all over town. Bring your loyal translator, in case of emergency.
* Express HAMAS funding: Getting your car “repaired” at that Shell gas station also pays the Holy Land Foundation.
* Need to channel Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to see how a late relative is doing in hell? Go see his former aide, Imam Elahi.
* Need a sham husband so you can infiltrate the Marines, the FBI, or the CIA for Hezbollah? La Shish dishwashers are at your service.
* Plenty of parks for trying out your AK-47 while in camo.
* Four wives? Under Michigan’s great family-friendly program, you only need to get a marriage certificate for one of them. The rest can go on welfare and Medicaid.
* Trouble with building code violations? Just give the Mayor an *ahem* “gift,” and it’ll all work out. We want to “work” with our residents . . . especially if they come bearing that Middle East, old world delicacy: untraceable cash.
* Hey, it’s not the mountains of Afghanistan. But sometimes it resembles the caves.

By Debbie Schlussel
You know the illegal alien and lax borders problem is bad when even a member of the liberal science intelligentsia doth protest.
That’s the case with biologist Karen Krebbs, who studies bats, er . . . used to study bats at the Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument on the Arizona-Mexico border. You see, she got tired of avoiding drug smugglers all night long.
Of course, leave it to the MSM–and the liberal scientists–to spin this as a “result” of “increased” border enforcement–the smugglers have to sneak through the park because of increased enforcement elsewhere on the border, they claim. My question is–if a scientist can find these dozens of drug smugglers on a nightly basis, why can’t U.S. Border Patrol? And, hey, I learned something new–there is a patron saint of . . . drug smugglers?:

“I use night-vision goggles and you could see them very clearly,” Krebbs said of the caravans of men with guns and huge backpacks full of drugs, trudging through the desert. After taking refuge in bushes or behind rocks on 10 or so occasions, Krebbs abandoned her research. “I’m just not willing to risk my neck anymore,” she said.
Along the U.S.-Mexican border, scientists like Krebbs say their work is under growing threat from drug traffickers and other criminals who have been pushed into remote areas by tighter U.S. border security.
Richard Felger, a botanist, said he stays away from remote mountains in the Mexican border state of Sonora after being robbed and threatened on research trips.
“I got kind of allergic to pistols being held to my forehead,” Felger said.
There are no statistics on how many scientists have been attacked or threatened, said Mark Frankel, director of the scientific freedom program at the American Association for the Advancement of Science. But among researchers, stories of theft and armed robbery are common.
“In the last year it has gotten much worse,” said Jack Childs, who studies endangered jaguars in eastern Arizona with infrared cameras. He loses one or two of the cameras every month to smugglers.
Childs has tried leaving notes and pictures of saints — even Jesus Malverde, the unofficial, folklore saint of drug traffickers — to try to persuade smugglers to spare his cameras, but to no avail. Each camera costs $450.
Scientists long have shared the border area with marijuana growers and immigrants trying to enter the USA illegally. But tension is rising because of a crackdown on smugglers by the Mexican military, new border fences, patrols by unmanned planes, a buildup of U.S. Border Patrol agents and a turf war between cartels.
“It’s a kind of arms race, and biologists are stuck in the middle,” said Jim Malusa, who specializes in mapping desert vegetation. “There has been a chilling effect on researchers.”
Michael Wilson, a botanist and director of research at the Drylands Institute in Tucson, said he avoids some parts of Mexico’s Sonora state after seeing opium poppies, which are not native to Mexico, and mules carrying loads of marijuana down from the mountains. Opium resin is used to make heroin.
Wilson said he has noticed an increase of marijuana cultivation in recent years, and more people watching over the fields. Some of his colleagues now carry guns, he said.
“There are a lot of researchers who have ducked out of doing research in Mexico,” Wilson said.
Scientists working at sea have also had their work disrupted.
Jeffrey Seminoff, an ecologist with the U.S. National Marine Fisheries Service, said smugglers have robbed boat fuel from his researchers at gunpoint in the Gulf of California, leaving them just enough gas to get back to shore.
In May, Seminoff stumbled across a camouflaged drug boat in a cave near San Carlos, Sonora, while setting nets for sea turtles.
“They definitely had guns, so we just kind of backed off. So one of our primary turtle capturing sites we had to abandon for the day,” he said. . . .
The resulting paralysis is creating gaps in scientific knowledge, researchers complain. . . .
“This sort of stuff definitely puts holes in our sampling,” Hendrickson said. “The drug stuff is definitely affecting research.”

Yes, this problem affects everything. Maybe one day a President will actually care about stopping it. But, then, it will be too late.
It’s already too late.

By Debbie Schlussel
Many of you will sadly be rooting for him, this weekend, against the Giants. And Esquire Magazine nominated him as “Sexiest Woman Alive 2007.” But they got it only half right. There is nothing sexy about BabyDaddy Tom Brady . . . and nothing masculine.
Sorry, but it’s not masculine to abandon the woman who is about to have your child and, instead gallivant around town with the next supermodel in your conquest chain. And there’s nothing masculine about skipping the birth of your kid because you are too busy doing other things–training camp with meaningless exhibition games you barely play in and posing for important Stetson cologne ads that are far more pressing. (Not only does he date supermodels, now he wants to be one.) Nothing sexy about it. It’s sleazy, actually.

Woman of the Year, Tom Brady:
Shallowest Puddle on the New England Sidewalk
Yes, Brady would have been docked some pay for leaving camp to see his kid being born–but it would be a drop in the bucket for this playboy multi-millionaire. Many American dads who would love to be there for their kids’ births can’t because they actually do need the money and are scraping to survive. But this guy, who has it all, can’t budge to do the decent thing.
Sure, Tom Brady isn’t as bad as, say, Travis Henry–who fathered 9 kids s with as many different women in at least six states and owes child support for many of them. But Tom Brady’s behavior is not exactly sterling. And the message he sends to the thousands of young boys out there who idolize him isn’t good either: Have nothing to do with the mother of your kid, don’t attend to the birth, and get on with the next belt-notch . . . and ponder a million dollar underwear modeling opportunity. That’s far more important. Collecting the next female trophy is a priority.
Sadly, on list after list, Tom Brady gets away with this behavior, with Athlete of the Year accolade upon accolade. And nary a mention of his neglectful BabyDaddy status. What you do on the field doesn’t mean you’re a great human being. There are so many examples of that. And Brady is just the latest.
Sadly, though, he’s the one who is most admired and most gets away with this shenanigans. The guy is still considered wholesome Disneyland kind of material, when he is anything but. He didn’t do the right thing, the honorable thing. And then he shoved it in everyone’s face with his swinging bachelor activities.
And he’s just added another very-likely-to-be-dysfunctional kid to the world. It’s not like he’s your average working stiff who might not be able to be around. He’s a multi-millionaire with the world at his feet.
And this weekend, while everyone gushes over this Emperor in Helmet and Pads and his Patriot team’s almost perfect record, remember this: Whether or not the Patriots beat the Giants and maintain a perfect season, Tom Brady’s season has a giant blemish off the field. And he did suffer a defeat. At his own hands. Sadly, that defeat, includes a kid who is the real loser in this “game.”
Tom Brady may win yet another in his string of Superbowl victories. He may get to mug for the camera and brag that his next step is “I’m going to Disneyland.” But will he take the kid he doesn’t even know with him? Don’t count on that. New supermodels, partying, and posing for cheesy ad campaigns are more his thing. Father of the Year material, this guy.
And that’s why DebbieSchlussel.com picks sperm donor/absentee father Tom Brady as its Woman of the Year. He may have all the right chromosomes and physical equipment, but a man he definitely isn’t. He simply doesn’t have the character.
Given that, all I can guess about his cologne, Stetson, is that it matches his own malodor. Like him, it stinks.
***
On a related note, in doing a radio interview this week, on my choice for Woman of the Year (sorry, I don’t do the “Person” of the Year thing), one radio personality mentioned that Brady can’t be all that bad because he’s smart–after all, he graduated from my alma mater, The University of Michigan . . . with a Bachelor in Organizational Studies. Well, he could have graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Harvard, and he’s still a lowlife, wearing the mask of an angel.
But, as a Michigan grad, I’m in the know on this one. At Michigan, there are real students, and then there are those who get Bachelor of General Studies and Bachelor of Organizational Studies Degrees. These are known as the airhead jock degrees. They get to take courses in how to build a toothpick sculpture. Well, not really. I made that one up. But it’s pretty close. Even non-Einstein former Michigan gridiron star Jim Harbaugh dissed these degrees as meaningless, in a recent, highly controversial statement. It’s part of the reason he didn’t get the Michigan head coaching job when Lloyd Carr vacated.

By Debbie Schlussel
Did St. Benazir (Bhutto) orchestrate the murder of her brother, a vocal Parliamentary critic? His daughter, Benazir’s niece–Fatima Bhutto, paints the picture. Forget Mommy Dearest. Meet (the late) Aunt Benazir:

My father was a member of Parliament and a vocal critic of his sister’s politics. He was killed outside our home in 1996 in a carefully planned police assassination while she was prime minister. There were 70 to 100 policemen at the scene, all the streetlights had been shut off and the roads were cordoned off. Six men were killed with my father. They were shot at point-blank range, suffered multiple bullet wounds and were left to bleed on the streets.

Fatima Bhutto: “Aunt Benazir Assassinated My Dad, Her Brother”

My father was Benazir’s younger brother. To this day, her role in his assassination has never been adequately answered, although the tribunal convened after his death under the leadership of three respected judges concluded that it could not have taken place without approval from a “much higher” political authority.
I have personal reasons to fear the danger that Ms. Bhutto’s presence in Pakistan brings, but I am not alone.

Yup, sounds like a “moderate” and saint to me.
Not to mention this, some of which I mentioned in a previous post on St. Benazir:

It is widely believed that Ms. Bhutto lost both her governments on grounds of massive corruption. She and her husband, a man who came to be known in Pakistan as “Mr. 10%,” have been accused of stealing more than $1 billion from Pakistan’s treasury. She is appealing a money-laundering conviction by the Swiss courts involving about $11 million. Corruption cases in Britain and Spain are ongoing.

This was the ideal Bush candidate to run Pakistan? Oy.
**** UPDATE: Yes, I am aware that Fatima Bhutto’s father/Benazir Bhutto’s brother is no saint either. He founded the Pakistan Liberation Army a/k/a Al-Zulfikar (sorta like the Pakistani PLO) with the mentoring of Yasser Arafat, training in Beirut. The group hijacked a Paki plane in 1981. And as reader Brett points out:

When Murtaza returned to Pakistan in 1993, his mother campaigned for him, often against the official candidate of the PPP that was led by Benazir Bhutto. Murtaza won a seat as an independent in the Sindh provincial assembly. Their mother was then dumped as PPP chairman, after which she said of her daughter, Benazir “I had no idea I had nourished a viper in my breast.” None of the Bhutto family qualifies for canonisation.

I agree, and that was my point in posting this. Bhutto praised homicide bombers against Israel, she hung with Arafat, and she assassinated her brother. So, when today she was murdered, it really was a case of what comes around goes around. Payback is a bitch, especially when you live by the sword. As we all know, that means you die by it.
This is a family of violent, vicious criminals, including St. Benazir. They, frankly, make Musharraf look like a libertarian.

By Debbie Schlussel
**** UPDATE: Read Benazir Bhutto’s niece’s L.A. Times column on her aunt, the fraud. ****
With regard to my earlier post on the Empress With No Clothing, Benazir Bhutto, some readers have asked what I meant when I said that Bhutto’s husband is a criminal and that she’s a fraud, too. Others have asked about her alliance with Yasser Arafat. But we can’t let little things like this pic of Bhutto and her husband welcoming Arafat to Pakistan, get in the way of beatification of Saint Benazir. Forget about Bhutto and Arafat, whose homicide bombings and terror attacks she constantly defended (now, she knows what it feels like):

Disregard the fact that this faux “moderate” Bhutto supported the Taliban and helped it take over Afghanistan. Not only did her Paki government recognize the Taliban, she was only one of three governments to do so (a fact acknowledged by Bhutto’s niece). Awesome. Our soldiers are dying there fighting the Taliban, and Bush tried to re-insert upon Pakistan the woman who enabled the Taliban in the first place. Get me one of those Bush Out of Office Countdown Calendars, stat.
And forget about these facts. For starters, Bhutto’s husband, Asif Ali Zardari was a convicted criminal and in prison in Pakistan. But, if you think that’s trumped up, how ’bout Bhutto’s and her husband’s, convictions for money laundering in Switzerland. This is not the “corrupt” Paki government. It’s the Swiss courts, finding that Bhutto and her husband took bribes and kickbacks to get a Swiss company a government contract with Pakistan. I mean, this interferes with the Mainstream and Conservative Media’s pictures of this new saint, so why consider this, right?:

Ms. Bhutto and her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, who is jailed in Pakistan, were given six-month suspended sentences after an investigation by a Swiss magistrate. She was ordered to pay the Pakistani government nearly $12 million in restitution and was also ordered also ordered to hand over a necklace valued at $188,000.
The case relates to accusations dating back to the 1990’s that Ms. Bhutto had access to money through kickbacks from two Swiss companies doing business in Pakistan.

More:

The six-year-long case alleged that Ms. Bhutto, who lives in exile in London and Dubai, and her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, deposited in Swiss accounts $10 million given them by a Swiss company in exchange for a contract in Pakistan.

But no biggie. After all, this Islamist Bush-designated saint was a “moderate” and now is a martyr. All hail Sheikha Benazir.
Oh, by the way, the excuse they used: Those weren’t our accounts (even thought they had access to them). Same excuse as when an arrestee says to a cop, “but those weren’t my drugs in the car.”

By Debbie Schlussel
It’s almost 2008, and people are buying calendars for the new year. Guess what the 2nd best-selling humor calendar in the nation is? It’s the “Bush Out of Office Countdown 2008″ desk calendar. Yes, it goes through the “bitter end,” January 20, 2009. And America is going Nook-Yuh-Ler for it. (#1 is The Far Side Scared Silly 2008 Wall Calendar.)

Although it’s very popular among left-wingers, believe me when I say, I am counting down the days with you, my lefty counterparts. What with Bush’s absurd Julie Myers appointments, pushes for illegal alien amnesty, forcing Israel self-amputate its country into oblivion and practice anti-Jew housing apartheid in Jerusalem to satisfy the appetites of Islamic terrorists, playing footsie with Iran while it gets nukes, continued pandering to the most extremist of Muslims both inside and outside the U.S., continued support for Title IX zero tolerance, bloated farm and education bills and porcine spending, I cannot wait until “W” goes back to the ranch in Texas for good. I want a conservative with sticktuitiveness to principles, not a doofus who wants a legacy and has Condi Clueless as his partner in this fallacious enterprise.
Sadly, after that, I’ll have to get a Hillary Rodham Cankles Out of Office Scared Silly Countdown Calendar for at least four years, likely eight.
And then there are the other calendars available. Please, to all the senior citizens of the world, this plea goes out to you. Please, no more naked old people calendars for charity. Please, I beg of you. It’s not sexy. It’s not cute. It’s just weird. No-one wants to see you hiding your saggy private parts behind a newspaper or your fifth cat. Again, not sexy. Not hot. Not interesting. Not appropriate for a calendar girl. Or guy. Especially not appropriate when you’re 70.
Please, for the good of America, stop making these. It wasn’t cute the first time some town in England full of pale, doddering English women with bad skin and a diet of bangers and mash did it. It isn’t cute when the umpteenth towns in Vermont and Virginia make one of these calendars and get to tell the human interest reporter on “The Today Show” or E.D. Hill on FOX News (yes, she recently did one of these stories) how sexy and womanly they feel. TMI. Keep it–and your naked bod–to yourself and your bathtub.
Then, there are is the other kind of weird calendars. Sadly, those are back. For example–and I doubt this was a Mitt Romney campaign move–there is the “Men on a Mission” calendar, billed as:

the first-ever Mormon beefcake calendar, featuring steamy shots of 12 bare-chested men who have served as Mormon missionaries. It’s a tongue-in-cheek celebration of missionary selflessness, says Chad Hardy, founder of Mormons Exposed, a Las Vegas-based group trying to overturn those buttoned-up stereotypes about Mormons.

Hokay. Something tells me this isn’t exactly an official product of the Latter Day Saints church. Kinda reminds me of how disgusted I felt when I watched Jane Fonda/Lindsay Lohan’s “seduce a Mormon missionary and take his virginity” child molestation flick, “Georgia Rules.”
So, now, here’s my recommendation: Whatever happened to a regular, plain calendar? You know the kind–days of the week, dates, months, in neat squares, no frills.
Time to get away from these bizarre calendars, where you’re constantly asking yourself, “But what’s the date, today?”

By Debbie Schlussel
**** UPDATE: READ about St. Benazir’s conviction for kickbacks and money laundering in a Swiss Court, her support for Arafat, her recognition of and support for the Taliban, and her own niece’s L.A. Times Op-Ed piece calling her a liar. ****
Trite, but true: What comes around goes around. And today’s assassination of Benazir Bhutto is a bit of both for her and for George W. Bush’s deliberate, destabilizing “democracy” policy in Pakistan and the rest of the Mid-East.
While the whole world (yes, including plenty of ignorant conservatives) is hailing the late Benazir Bhutto–in the wake of her assassination, this morning–as some sort of saint and would-be messiah of Pakistan, let’s be clear: She was neither saint nor savioress. Closer to the opposite, in fact. And her death is not a loss for America. It is a step back from Bush’s failed “democracy” plan for destabilizing a ally-dictator who defied Islamists to publicly support America.

Karma: “Moderate” Arafan Bhutto Defended Palestinian Homicide Bombings
The “moderate” Bhutto was actually a Saudi-backed, anti-Semitic, pro-Palestinian-terrorism force of instability, anarchy, and protest in Pakistan. Her return to Paki politics would only divide and conquer pro-U.S. forces in the country, allowing the more popular Islamists to dominate. That she was assassinated was not a good thing, especially since the U.S. made the mistake of backing her and forcing her on Musharraf. But that she is now gone from Pakistani politics is a positive development in a myriad of ways.
The George W. Bush-orchestrated move of returning Bhutto to Pakistan from exile in the Gulf was a bad move on so many levels. It echoes the Jimmy Carter era of ushering out the pro-U.S. Shah of Iran and ushering in the never-ending Ayatollah Khomeini/Mahmoud Ahmadinejad era. This time around, Bhutto’s opposition to Musharraf would have ushered out a pro-U.S. dictator, Pervez Musharraf, and ushered in Islamist chaos, HAMASastan-style.
True, Musharraf is not exactly the greatest counter-terrorist. He came to office in a coup, and he comes from atop an army dominated by the pro-Al-Qaeda I.S.I. He may even be protecting the whereabouts of Bin Laden and isn’t the greatest ally of the U.S.. But he is not the worst, either, and he is far better than the alternative, including the would-be now-late Bhutto. Without Musharraf atop the country, it will revert to the natural state of what really is Greater Barbaria bubbling beneath the entire Islamic and Arab worlds. If you liked the Daniel Pearl beheading and dismemberment in Karachi, you’d love Pakistan under a short-lived Bhutto return and long-lived post-Bhutto Iran, er . . . Pakistan.
One Khalid Sheikh Mohammed running free through the streets of Pakistan, plotting murders of thousands of Americans? Under a Bhutto, or post-Bhutto overthrow revolutionary “government” in Pakistan, the country would be overrun with them, and they’d be running the country.
George Bush had no business demanding the free return of Bhutto to Pakistan and demanding free elections in this barbaric microcosm of Greater Islamia. Did Bush/Condi Clueless really expect a different result than the zoo-states he created with elections in Gaza, Hezbollah-stan, Muslim Brotherhood Nation (formerly Egypt), etc? Bush created riots and mayhem and chaos in Pakistan by doing so and destabilized the very man on whom he depended as a Muslim ally in the largely unsuccessful “War on Terror.” If this is how Bush treats our lukewarm Muslim allies–by laying out the blueprints for their demise–then, few will support us.
Bhutto, in the end, was really no different than Musharraf (though far less strong a leader and incapable of being the tough dictator necessary for that country), and–even had she won the election and ruled the country–could afford to be no different. And she was no different. Not long after 9/11, she made the rounds on Sunday political TV shows (including NBC’s “Meet the Press”), uttering the same extremist platitudes against Israel and the Jews to even the amazement of the hosts (including Tim Russert). Ditto for her repeated pronouncements justifying and defending Palestinian homicide bombings against innocent civilians. Today’s events were a bit of karma for Ms. Bhutto.
An Arafat-fan, Bhutto and her criminal husband were largely kept people by the Saudis and the United Arab Emirates. They owed the Gulf States, big-time. Not only was her husband was a crook, but she, in many other ways, was a fraud. She could not hold onto power the first time. With Pakistan much less stable, why on earth would we usher out the mild U.S. ally Musharraf to give her the chance a second time in far more rough waters. If you like Iran, you’d love the second post-Bhutto Pakistan.
So, while I’m sorry to see a U.S.-backed opposition leader (whom Bush made the mistake of backing) go out in an explosion of non-glory, the loss of Bhutto is no loss at all. It is actually a good thing for the U.S., despite Bush’s attempts to usher out Musharraf the way Jimmy Carter ushered out the pro-U.S. Shah . . . and usher in greater Islamic extremism in the name of his silly “democracy” experiment.
Bush’s “democracy” has failed in Gaza, Lebanon (where Hezbollah gained seats and key government ministries), Egypt (where the Muslim Brotherhood gained seats), and everywhere else it’s been tried. Gone to supersecret Mass in Iraq, lately? Democracy will fail in Pakistan, too.
Make no mistake. Benazir Bhutto’s death is no loss for American interests. Her reinsertion into Pakistan by our country was the problem. And she was no savioress. Not even close.
Remember, just because a Muslim has a pretty face, it doesn’t make her a moderate.

By Debbie Schlussel
A number of readers have asked why they haven’t seen my reviews for the movies that debuted Friday and Christmas Day. Actually, I did write and post movie reviews for those on Friday, but for some reason–probably an error by me–they didn’t post until sometime Saturday evening. And since posts only remain on the front page of this site for four days, you may have missed them over the extended holiday weekend.
You can read those reviews here. It includes reviews of the following movies:
* “National Treasure: Book of Secrets”
* “The Kite Runner”
* “Charlie Wilson’s War”
* “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story”
* “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
* “P.S. I Love You”
* “Juno”
* “The Walker”
* “The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep”
* “The Great Debaters”
Coming later this week, my reviews of:
* “The Bucket List”
* “There Will Be Blood”
* “Persepolis”
* “The Savages”
* “Starting Out in the Evening”
* “The Diving Bell and The Butterfly”
* “Alien v. Predator: Requiem”
Also coming very soon, my list of “The Best and Worst Movies of 2007.”
Stay tuned.