By Debbie Schlussel
The incompetents who head Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) are shocked–shocked!–that only nine people out of about 500,000 illegal aliens with final deportation orders turned themselves in for a voluntary, self-deportation program.
“Operation Scheduled Departure” is now off the schedule and has ended after three weeks of complete failure.
That’s not shocking. You don’t have to be Einstein to predict–as I did–that this would fail. Who–in their right illegal alien mind–would voluntary leave America, when they know their chances of being arrested and deported is slim to none? Only an idiot. And apparently there were either eight idiots or eight people who planned to leave anyway and wanted America to help finance the trip.
What is shocking is that ICE officials are shocked it failed:

A pilot program allowing illegal immigrants to surrender to authorities and have more control over their deportation has been dubbed a failure.
U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement says it is ending its “Scheduled Departure” program when the three-week trial concludes Friday. Only eight people participated in the program, officials said.
“Quite frankly, I think this proves the only method that works is enforcement,” Jim Hayes, acting director of ICE’s detention and removal operations, told The Associated Press on Thursday.

Ya think? Boy, this guy Hayes is a regular rocket scientist. Duh. This guy needed this wasteful, “genius” Julie L. Myers a/k/a “The ICE Princess” to prove this obvious point.

The eight volunteers included an Estonian man in Phoenix, a Guatemalan man and Indian couple in Chicago, a Salvadoran man in Charlotte, a Mexican woman in San Diego and a Guatemalan man and Lebanese man in Santa Ana, according to ICE.

One illegal Lebanese Hezbo-supporting alien down, a gazillion to go.
ICE claims it only spent $37,000 on advertising the program, but don’t believe it. ICE wasted a lot more than $37,000. They advertised on Hispanic (but not Muslim or Arabic) radio stations and other media outlets and printed up fliers. ICE “accounting” is very good with faking the numbers, better than Tony Soprano.

By Debbie Schlussel
Well, you don’t need me to tell you that all the lefties who said we invaded Iraq for cheap oil we’re wrong. At over $3.60 a gallon, it still ain’t cheap and it’s at least $1.50 per gallon higher (on average) than when we invaded.
But perhaps you’d be surprised to know that not only are we not getting cheap oil from Iraq, our oil companies aren’t even getting the major access to Iraqi oil. The Russians–and Chi-Coms–are, or soon will be.
The Iraqi rationale: We don’t want to rely on the Americans and British who helped liberate us. We don’t trust them. We prefer Saddam’s preferred Russian oil companies.
But some commentators are suggesting–and I believe it–that America suggested this boneheaded move. Leave it to Bush and Condi Clueless to never miss an opportunity to screw America in foreign policy:

Welcome to the New Iraq

An Iraqi Cabinet minister invited Russia’s Lukoil on Wednesday to renew its bid on the vast West Qurna-2 oil field and urged Russian companies to seek roles rebuilding dilapidated power plants as Iraq searches for foreign investment to revive its oil industry and infrastructure.
“I hope Russian companies will take part in the bidding,” Iraqi Electricity Minister Karim Wahid told a news conference in Moscow. “Lukoil is welcome to bid for the service contract at the second or third stage of the tender in March or September.”
Lukoil signed a contract for West Qurna-2, one of the largest oil fields in the world, in 1997. Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein declared the deal void shortly before the 2003 U.S. invasion. West Qurna-2 is believed to hold 6 billion barrels in proven reserves.
Lukoil’s officials have repeatedly said they continue to consider the contract valid as it was not revoked within the international legal framework. But in a recent interview with the an-Noor newspaper, Iraqi Oil Minister Hussain al-Shahristani referred to the contract as no longer valid.
Wahid and Russian Energy Minister Sergei Shmatko had earlier agreed to set up two working groups to develop power industry cooperation. Wahid also called on Russian companies to bid in tenders to revive the country’s power plants and build new ones.
He said Iraq is eager to renew deals signed in the 1990s and early 2000s. “We are currently reviewing their technical and economic terms, but not their political component,” he said.
The Iraqis are anxious to find foreign investors to help modernize their vast oil industry, which suffered from years of neglect under Saddam’s rule and during the 13 years of U.N. sanctions following the 1990 Iraqi invasion of Kuwait.
Iraq is also anxious to reach out to partners in Russia, China and other countries to avoid relying too heavily on American and British companies. That could feed criticism that the 2003 invasion was aimed at seizing control of Iraq’s oil.
Janusz Bugajski of the Center for Strategic and International Studies in Washington, D.C. said that the timing of the Iraqi announcement was interesting given sharp U.S. criticism of the Russian military action against Georgia, but that who initiated the move was unclear.
“Did someone within the U.S. suggest that Iraq reach out to Russia as a show of good will, or did Russia want to show that they are indispensable in the Middle East, that they are a player?” he said.
“Russia wants to go back into areas where it has lost influence,” Bugajski said.

So, let me get this straight. We invade Iraq, spend gazillions and lose thousands of U.S. troops, with thousands of others severely maimed. And THEY–those who want to revive the former Soviet Union and who are already doing biz with Iran and Syria–get the oil benefits?
Hello . . . ? Anyone home at the State Department? Maybe, too many people are at home there. That’s the problem.
For the record, I was all for the Iraqi invasion, but not for the way George W. and his myriad of minions screwed it up beyond belief. I supported installing in a Sunni, pro-American benevolent dictator, not “free” elections in which barbarians elect Shi’ite barbarians as an extension of Iran. And I supported taking steps to benefit America, not Russia’s expansionist dreams of a reborn Soviet empire.
***
By the way, check out talk show host and friend Steve Gill’s great bumper sticker. Very apropos.

By Debbie Schlussel
A couple of court rulings from around the country show us who really enjoys free speech in America: the left and Muslims. Anybody who isn’t PC, well your Bill of Rights starts at Amendment #2 (or maybe 3, given the way things are going).
If you wanna sell anti-War t-shirts (and use the names of war dead without their permission or license), your speech is protected. But wear a t-shirt with the Confederate flag on it, fuhgedaboutit. Them’s “fightin’ words.”
Anti-war Ts, Si!:

A federal judge on Wednesday permanently blocked state and local officials from prosecuting a Flagstaff man who produces and sells anti-war T-shirts with the names of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq.
U.S. District Judge Neil Wake said the shirts are “core political speech fully protected by the First Amendment.”
Wake acknowledged that Dan Frazier sells the shirts. But he said the fact an item is sold rather than given away does not strip it of its constitutional protections.

Confederate clothing, Hell No!:

A federal appeals court panel ruled Wednesday in favor of a Tennessee school system that banned the Confederate battle flag because of concerns the symbol could inflame racial tensions at a high school.
Students Derek Barr, Chris White, Roger Craig White and their parents said in a lawsuit their free speech rights were violated by the 2005 flag ban at William Blount High School in Maryville, about 15 miles south of Knoxville.
School officials said the ban came after previous race-related incidents that included a racial slur, a fight, a civil rights complaint, a lockdown and graffiti depicting a Confederate flag and a noose.
The 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals pointed to those incidents in ruling that school officials had a right to ban the flag because they could “reasonably forecast” that it would cause disruption.
“The school did not merely find the Confederate flag offensive to some students but rather found that in a context of high racial tensions, race-related altercations, and threats of violence, the flag would disrupt the school’s educational process,” said the opinion that was filed in Cincinnati.

Oh, I get it:
If your political speech makes minorities upset, then it’s not protected. But if it offends conservatives, soldiers, families of soldiers, etc., then it’s A-OK.
Hmm . . . I wonder how the courts would rule on a swastika t-shirt in the schools. Let me guess: Protected political speech unlikely to stir problems.
So, to sum up, this speech is protected by the First Amendment:

This is NOT:

Looks like the First Amendment has been Amended.
First Amendment for Me, But Not For Thee.

By Debbie Schlussel
It’s not exactly news that some communities don’t want sex shops, strip clubs, and x-rated movie theaters around. It’s also not news why: they don’t like the exposure to kids and families, and they don’t exactly like the kind of traffic these businesses bring.
But the owner of a suburban Detroit area lingerie store for the obese is crying racism because she can’t get the zoning to go her way. It’s the old standby of racism. If at first you don’t succeed, cry racism:

[Redford] township’s outgoing supervisor said he’s not budging on his opposition to a plus-sized lingerie shop across from the Township Hall that advertises “naughty nurse and bondage outfits” on its Web site, but the store’s owner says her race may be the underlying issue. . . .

Rochelle Allen of the Internet-based intimate apparel shop Fancy Lingerie Plus is vowing a discrimination lawsuit against Redford. Allen, who is black, said she was told the store meets the township’s ordinance requirements, but opposition from residents . . . is fueling racial bias and misinformation about her store’s collection.
“The [Township] (supervisor) [R. Miles Handy II] shouted out … they don’t want my type of traffic out there. What do you mean my type of traffic? I assume it’s the color of my skin,” said Allen, referring to Handy’s comments during the Site Committee meeting Aug. 13.

Trite but true: You know what they say about assuming.

“I do believe this violated my civil rights and they discriminated against me.”
The claims are nonsense, said Handy, who lost the supervisor primary in August and will exit in November.
“That is totally ludicrous,” he said Wednesday. “It has nothing to do with her race. … It all has to do with being between two churches, across from city hall and a courthouse. It’s inappropriate. It is not the type of business that meets the DDA [Downtown Development Authority] standard.”

Hmmm . . . a store that sells bondage outfits to the porcine set. I can think of at least a million reasons why it’s not a good idea.
Apparently the “Boy Who Cried Wolf” story doesn’t apply to cries of racism.
Where are Weird Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to lead the protest and initiate the shakedown?

By Debbie Schlussel
Over the years, I’ve pointed out many examples of Muslim mortgage fraud, often by Hezbollah operatives (and HAMAS figures, too). It’s a reason that in Dearbornistan, many, many homes are in foreclosure.
Sadly, the feds go after very few of the Dearbornistan Hezbollah-supporting Muslims who use mortgage and bank fraud to finance terrorist schemes “back home”. Here’s the rare set of those they do prosecute:

A federal grand jury on Wednesday indicted four Dearborn-area men for allegedly running a $1.9 million mortgage fraud scheme.

Muslim Mortgage Fraud:
Thanks, America, For Helping Me Finance Hezbollah

The scheme used phony mortgage applications, inflated appraisals and straw buyers to get major banks to issue loans for 16 properties between 2005 and 2008 . . . .
Charges include conspiracy, bank fraud and mail fraud.
Named in the indictment are Hassan Nagi, 30, of Dearborn Heights, Ali Haidous, 24, of Dearborn, Safi Bzeih, 35, of Dearborn, and Hussein Aoun, 23, of Dearborn Heights.
Three of the men are expected to be arraigned in U.S. District Court in Detroit on Thursday. Aoun is a fugitive in Lebanon.

Gee, that’s a shocker. Typical of the feds to wait before taking action until the likely key figure has fled to Lebanon, as they did with Hezbollah’s $21 million financier, Talal Chahine.

By Debbie Schlussel
So, you are a Somalian Muslim who’s gotten citizenship, a green card, or some sort of visa that allows you into the United States. And the State Department wants to help you bring more Somali Muslims into America, because we don’t have enough extremists foisting their extremist Muslim religious observances onto Target, Tyson Foods, the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport, etc. Or you might be a Muslim from elsewhere in mostly Muslim Africa, a giant bastion of sharia–strict Islamic law.
So, what do you do? You, of course, take advantage of the State Department’s absurd “kill America from within” program and you pretend that many Somali Muslims are your family members.

Extremist Muslim Africans: We Need More of ‘Em in America?
But, suddenly, the Einsteins at the State Department (who are shocked–shocked!–that anyone would engage in immigration fraud) catch on–sort of–and decide that they want proof that you are actually related to some of these people. They ask you for DNA evidence. So what do you do? You either fake the DNA test results or refuse to cooperate altogether. Oh, and by the way, they don’t have to take the DNA test. It’s voluntary. Do we give a single damn about our borders and who we let in? Sadly, no. Those in charge do not care.
Why the heck do we allow those who want to change America into an Islamic nation in and then encourage them to cheat the system to bring fake (or real) relatives who would do the same? Do we have a shortage of Muslim refugees from Africa in America?
Predictably, open borders advocates find a way to excuse the fraud. Remember, the people we’re talking about here are almost all MUSLIMS. Very few are the Christians who are truly under attack in Africa:

The State Department has suspended a humanitarian program to reunite thousands of African refugees with relatives in the U.S. after unprecedented DNA testing by the government revealed widespread fraud.
The U.S. has halted refugee arrivals from East Africa, where hundreds of thousands of people have been stranded since civil war erupted in the 1990s.
The freeze affects refugees in Kenya, Ethiopia, Uganda, Guinea and Ghana, many of whom have been waiting years to emigrate. The State Department says it began DNA testing with a pilot program launched in February to verify blood ties among African refugees. Tests found some applicants lied about belonging to the same family to gain a better chance at legal entry.
The U.S. has responded by halting refugee arrivals from East Africa, where hundreds of thousands of people have been stranded in precarious conditions since civil war erupted in the early 1990s. The temporary suspension has generated panic in African communities in the U.S., where thousands wait to be joined by relatives.

For once, Muslims are panicked by something the U.S. does. That won’t last.

Typically, a refugee already living in the U.S., a so-called anchor, is entitled to apply for permission to bring a spouse, minor children, parents and siblings. The process requires interviews, medical examinations and security screening.
But suspicion has grown in recent years that unrelated Africans were posing as family members to gain entry. “This program is designed for people to reunify with family members” already in the U.S., says Barbara Strack, director of the refugee division at U.S. Citizenship & Immigration Services. “We wanted to have empirical data” to confirm suspected fraud, she says.
In February, the State Department launched pilot testing in Kenya to verify family relationships, mainly among Somalis. When applicants arrived for a previously scheduled appointment, a U.S. official asked them to volunteer for a DNA test. . . .
As word spread, some applicants began missing appointments, and others refused to cooperate.
Laboratory analysis of the samples indicated a large portion of applicants weren’t blood relations, as they claimed. “The results were dismaying,” says Ms. Strack. “This told us we had a problem with the program.”

Naw. You don’t say.

The results prompted expansion of the testing to other countries. “We had high rates of fraud everywhere . . .” says a State Department official.

Shocker

In late April, the government decided to temporarily [DS: Yup, “temporarily,” and then they’ll resume this farce] halt the family reunification resettlement program for East Africans. A government official confirms that “many thousands of people” are affected by the suspension, particularly Somalis and Ethiopians.
Refugee resettlement agencies report that arrivals have slowed to a trickle.

So sad, too bad. And this “trickle” is a “bad” thing because . . .?

In Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minn., home to the country’s largest East African [DS: MUSLIM] population, Catholic Charities hasn’t handled a single family reunification case since March 19. The agency has resettled 35 East African families this year, compared with more than 450 last year and about 1,300 in 2006. “Everyone is calling or walking in here and asking what is going on,” says Angela Fox, a resettlement worker at Catholic Charities.

Again, so sad, too bad.

Some refugees received a notice from U.S. authorities advising them that their case is on hold because relatives didn’t show up for a scheduled interview or they refused to supply a DNA sample.
Those who agreed to take the test are also in limbo.
Abdirahman Dhunkal, who hails from Somalia, petitioned in early 2005 for his father, mother and six siblings who are in Kenya to join him in Minnesota.
Their case was approved in late 2006, but Mr. Dhunkal says that his family was asked to take a DNA test earlier this year. Since the cell samples were collected, “nothing has happened. We are still waiting,” says Mr. Dhunkal, 31, who hasn’t seen his family in 14 years.

Yet again, so sad, too bad. You wanna see the rest of your Muslim extremist family, Abdirahman? Why not go home? You’ll see ’em plenty.

Bob Carey, chair of Refugee Council USA, a coalition of U.S. agencies that work on refugee issues, and vice president of resettlement for the International Rescue Committee . . . adds “DNA is not the only means to assess family relationships.”
Refugee advocates say the definition of family among Africans extends beyond blood relatives, especially when families fleeing persecution are scattered. “Some families are raising children who aren’t their own but whom they call son or daughter,” says Ms. Fox of Catholic Charities.

PUH-LEEZE.
Maybe someone can call Osama Bin Laden their son or daughter and bring him here as a “family member”, too.
With top Hezbollah brass, many of the Dearbornistan relatives really are their close relatives. And that’s the problem. Fraud or no fraud, why does America have a duty to re-unite terrorist families and extremist Islamic clans on our soil, once we stupidly admitted one of them into our borders and let them stay?
How is that in our interest?
Exit Question: How many of these African Muslims are already here fraudulently under this family “reunification” program?
We’ll never know. And probably numbers in the thousands.

By Debbie Schlussel
Remember the virtual fence that was supposed to be constructed on the Arizona-Mexico border?
Well, it’s on hold indefinitely. And, per usual, it’s on hold because the right hand and left hand of the U.S. government don’t know what each other is doing.
The Interior Department hasn’t signed off on use of its federal lands for the virtual fence. And it hasn’t indicated when it will do that.

Virtual Border Fence Continues to Flop

Interior officials refused to accept a proposed finding in an environmental assessment produced for the U.S. Border Patrol that putting towers on Interior Department lands would have no significant impact, said Mike Friel, a spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection.
Authority to waive environmental laws for border security projects was granted to Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff under a 2005.

How convenient for the Bush Administration, which controls both the Department of Homeland Security (in charge of “erecting” the virtual fence) and the Department of Interior (which won’t sign off). More Bush Administration buckpassing. T Minus Four Months.
By the way, isn’t that the whole point of a “virtual” fence–ie., that you don’t use the land, but for erecting cameras and computer equipment on towers? Wasn’t the point of a virtual fence to avoid this kind of “approval” and “sign-off” problem from holders of the land?
As I‘ve already noted, the already-erected portion of the virtual fence a/k/a “Project 28” was an $84 million failure. This is more failure on top of that failure. And who knows how many more millions that’s costing?
Twenty years from now, we’ll still be wondering when that fence will be completed. . . to separate the Islamic States of Aztlan from Peru.
Don’t forget: Barack Hussein Obama claims the virtual fence is the way to go.

By Debbie Schlussel
. . . to remind you that you need a passport by June 1, 2009 to cross U.S. borders. The “campaign” begins today.
“I’m Michael ‘Serpenthead’ Chertoff a/k/a Mr. Burns, and I approved this incredibly expensive message.”
Gee, thanks for the tip.
T Minus Four Months. Not Soon Enough.

By Debbie Schlussel
Normally, I’m not a fan of Rainn Wilson (“Dwight” on TV’s “The Office”), but he’s extremely funny in the equally funny, “The Rocker,” in theaters today. This movie is a lot of fun, even if it lags a bit from the middle and toward the end. Some critics are saying it doesn’t compare to “School of Rock,” and while it’s a takeoff on that, I liked this and laughed.
Wilson plays Robert “Fish” Fishman, drummer for the ’80s hair band, “Vesuvius.” At the cusp of their success–just as they are about to sign their record deal–Fish is dumped by the band. While they go on to huge success, Fish becomes a bitter loser, unable to hold a job and relegated to sleeping in the attic of his married sister’s house.
Fish’s high school-aged nephew’s band is in need of a drummer for their gig at the high school prom. And Fish gets the gig. Soon, he turns their band into a “Jonas Brothers”-style hit after sending out promo tapes to bars and clubs . . . and after his niece posts a video on YouTube, which Fish unknowingly shot of himself playing the drums naked.

I don’t buy Christina Applegate as a mom of a high schooler (even though she’s technically of that age). And the movie has some stupid, bathroom humor-style jokes. But mostly it’s extremely funny. The movie’s makers get the ’80s hair band parody stuff right. That part is the best of the movie and should have been expanded. The rest seems sort of aimed at teens.
Last month, Rainn Wilson was in Detroit promoting the movie. I didn’t get the fascination with this geek until I saw him in this movie. Really funny and well played. Still, I didn’t need to know that he thought of faces he makes while having sex to get the “I’m playing drums face” in the movie. Three letters, Rainn: T-M-I.
Overall, a very funny movie with a kinda weak, mushy middle. It’s not a great movie. But it’s entertaining enough.
TWO REAGANS

By Debbie Schlussel
Remember Officer Stacy Sheridan on “T.J. Hooker”? Well, meet the HAMAS, um, “counterpart”, Lt. Mariam Al-Bursh in her “sexy” uniform.
If HAMAS is trying to tell us that Islam isn’t sexist, they’re not trying too hard. Al-Bursh is one of 53 females in the 11,000-strong terrorist police force controlling Gaza. That’s less than 0.5 percent (five thousandths) of the HAMAS police force.
Let’s hear it for Islamic “equality”, (un)babe:

On drug busts, she is unarmed and wears a long blue-and-gray robe and head scarf that reveals only her blue eyes. When she interrogates a drug dealer, a male colleague must be present because Muslim custom doesn’t allow her to be alone with a strange man.

Our Sexy Police Chick, HAMAS’ “Sexy” Police Chick

No problem, said al-Bursh — the measures are meant to protect her.
“These limits are to the benefit of women. Not against them,” she said.

Uh-huh.

Hamas has had to fine-tune the dress code, allowing the female cops to have side slits in their robes to allow for easier movement while running. Al-Bursh can now wear pants under the robe.
She says the dress code helps, because the robe gives her an air of authority and suspects can’t identify her.

An “air” or a whiff? Pants and side-slits–uh-oh, might turn a Muslim man on.

At a recent drug bust, her job was to search the women, and she found marijuana seeds hidden in a suspect’s bra.
“We know the secrets of women,” al-Bursh said.

Sure you do.
This reminds me of the old slogan they used to use in Virginia Slims cigarette advertising to women: You’ve come a long way, baby. In Islam’s case, it should be: You’ve regressed a long way, baby.
Can’t wait ’til the show, “RENO HAMAS 911.” Who needs “Charlie’s Angels,” when you can have Chukri’s 72 virgins . . . er, revirginized.