By Debbie Schlussel
. . . Best not to transport chocolate, rosemary, or natural soaps like Dr. Bronner’s Soap (unless you’re liberal and/or Muslim–then, bring plenty of both).
Yet another reason why organic foods and products aren’t necessarily all that.

By Debbie Schlussel
I don’t subscribe to the two major Detroit newspapers and instead go out and buy them every weekday morning. I do this because it gets me up and out early in the morning and is good for my daily routine.
Occasionally, though, my schedule is otherwise, like today. Today, I had a marathon movie screening schedule and didn’t get my papers early. The last movie I was screening was so bad, I finally brought myself to walk out on it and went to buy the papers. But they were nowhere to be found. I went everywhere. Everyone was out.
I went to my favorite gas station owner, Paul, and he told me that since Obama won on Tuesday, he’s been selling the Detroit newspapers out “in minutes.” He said it was on the TV newscasts that the newspapers are selling out all over Detroit, when usually there are plenty left over.
Why? Well, the mindless Obama voters are finally starting to read a paper. Congrats. I think this says it all. They never ran out to buy the paper before, but suddenly now, it’s important.
Thanks a million for suddenly caring after you’ve brought this on America, or rather, thanks 63 million.
Now, you decide to pay attention?!

By Debbie Schlussel
And today’s You’ve Got Chutzpah Award goes to . . . (drumroll) . . . Republican Congressman John Boehner of Ohio, who is seeking to remain top Republican dog in the House of Representatives.
Yesterday, he sent his ever-shrinking pool of Republican colleagues a letter asking for their support in his bid for re-election as Republican Minority Leader. He told Republicans that he’s “committed to building a lasting majority.” HA! No comment needed. Oh, and he says he will do that by:

standing up for the principles Americans believe in, offering better alternatives, and fighting as hard as we possibly can day in and day out, issue by issue, until we’ve won the trust of the people.

GOP House Leader John Boehner Hard @ Work
You gotta be kidding, Congressman Boehner.
Boehner–who supports amnesty for illegal aliens and pressured ICE agents to repatriate a Muslim illegal alien from his district after they rightfully deported her, and who presided over Republicans who spent like drunken liberal sailors–is the rotting head atop the stinking fish that is House Republicans gone “centrist.” He’s the man singularly responsible for Democrats adding 19 seats, Tuesday. It wasn’t just the economy, stupid. It was Boehner and his Republicronies’ voting and spending and lack of conservative principles.
Good luck getting your job back, Jack.
On the other hand, they gave this useless dead weight his job back two years ago after big losses. Never underestimate the incompetence of Congressional Republicans.

By Debbie Schlussel
It’s rare that liberal USA Today TV critic Robert Bianco and I agree, but he singles out a certain someone as a very weak conservative against several hags on TV. I don’t agree with all of his comments, but a good deal of them. I’ve underlined the things with which I agree, things that I’ve stated a gazillion times on this site. This chick is a total airhead. Vacant, vapid, and hey, she came in fourth by eating bugs on “Survivor”. Excellent.

You see, even Bianco wants the debate to be fair. And with her “representing” us, it simply ain’t.
To sum up just a few of her positions: She loves Title IX, Affirmative Action, and Syria. She heaped the praise on racist, anti-Semite Al Sharpton and agreed with his call to fire Don Imus, then the next day changed her tune when the FOX News talking points finally arrived and clued her in to what she missed after 30 years on “Survivor Island”. She hates Ann Coulter–who has more intellect underneath a single toe-nail than this imbecile has in her minuscule brain (assuming there is a brain)–and hates Rush Limbaugh (she says he’s a “dream killer”). And there is so much more. But that’s the Debbie’s Notes version.
Of course, they’ll never dump her. She’s the perfect idiot to fill their set-up. They want us to look dumb. And she gets the Oscar (in this case, Emmy) for that.
Sadly, as reader Scott notes, she isn’t acting.

By Debbie Schlussel
A few days ago, I got this message from publicists for one of the many feminist groups that supported Obama. I’m not sure why they contacted me, other than that I have the same internal plumbing that they do. They clearly do not read my site and think that all females (at least we think they are females) must support their overbearing agenda. I, for one, do not. Oh, and by the way, for those of you Palin-atics, your so-called conservative leader, Sarah “six colleges in six years” Palin, thinks these guys, er . . . “women”, and their agenda are awesome:

From: Dorothee Royal-Hedinger dorothee@see3.net
Date: Thu, Oct 30, 2008 at 2:31 PM
Subject: Equal Sports Opportunities for Girls
To: writedebbie@gmail.com
Dear Debbie,
I wanted to share some info about a girls sports initiative that I thought might be of interest to your readers:
Have you ever noticed that there’s less equipment, fewer teams, inferior facilities or less time dedicated to girls sports? Or are girls’ games scheduled at different times so they won’t compete with other “primetime” games or “more popular” sports? A recent survey by the WNBA and Seventeen Magazine revealed that 35% of girls say their teams don’t get as much equipment or field time as the boys’ teams.
The simple fact is girls have the same rights as boys when it comes to sports at school. If you don’t think girls are getting fair opportunities, there’s something you can do about it because it might be against the law.
Visit: http://www.Vis4Victory.org to learn about Title IX, watch a video and take a quiz!
Below I’ve included more details about the campaign for you to grab info off if you deem it worthy of a post on your blog. If you have any questions or extra material that you’d like, just let me know.
Thanks again for your great work!
Sincerely,
—
Dorothee Royal-Hedinger
New Media Strategist
See3 Communications
Twitter: @DorotheeRH
www.see3.net
Women’s Sports Foundation:
Founded in 1974 by Billie Jean King, the Women’s Sports Foundation is a national charitable educational organization dedicated to advancing the lives of girls and women through physical activity. We are the only national organization promoting all sports and physical activities for women of all ages and skill levels and are acknowledged by the media as the expert resource on all women’s sports issues.
Share your stories, learn more about Title IX and take the quiz:
http://www.Vis4Victory.org/girls

Here’s my response:

From: Debbie Schlussel writedebbie@gmail.com
Date: Thu, Oct 30, 2008 at 2:49 PM
Subject: Re: Equal Sports Opportunities for Girls
To: dorothee@see3.net
Um, no offense, but you clearly do not read my site, since I’ve written against this BS many, many times. I think Title IX and the Women’s Sports Foundation and the rest of the feminist sports nazis have ruined sports across America. You might want to contact Sarah Palin because as a misguided conservative, she thinks Title IX is just swell. Myself, I’d rather watch men play football than see a lesbian crew team–“You Gotta Regatta Lesbiatta”–steal their college scholarships. Really, I’m the last person who would support a “girls sports initiative”. We already have plenty. When is the boys sports initiative gonna happen? Will your people be finally satisfied when only women play sports and men are cooking their food? Say hello to Martha Burk for me. On second thought, don’t.

Read:
* Title IX According to the Dixie Chicks
* Title IX for Jihadi Chicks & Billionatrix Golfers

By Debbie Schlussel
The D-List celebs, plus Oprah, are running the asylum.

By Debbie Schlussel
Barack Obama’s choice for White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, likes to tout the fact that his father, an Israeli-American, fought for Israel’s independence–helping Menachem Begin and the Irgun by passing secret code to them.
But what you may not know is that his more dominant parent–an American-born woman whose liberalism trumps her Judaism–founded and ran a rock’n’roll club in Chicago and was an anti-war protester, who frequently took the Emanuel kids to anti-war rallies. That’s what shaped them, not their father. In fact, Rahm Emanuel is the one who forced Israeli Prime Minister Yitzchak Rabin to shake terrorist Yasser Arafat’s hand at the White House, a most disgusting moment.

What you may also not know about the Emanuels is that Rahm Emanuel’s brother, Ari Emanuel, is a big-time Hollywood agent. He is founder of Endeavor, one of the big three agencies for actors and entertainers. And one of his biggest clients–literally and figuratively–is Flabulous Filmmaker Michael Moore. If you watch HBO’s “Entourage”, then you are familiar with Ari Emanuel, sort of. You see, Emanuel’s real life is the life on which lead character, Ari Gold (played by Jeremy Piven), is based. Ari Gold’s clients on the show–thug Mark Wahlberg, Sacha Baron Cohen, and other big names–are Ari Emanuel’s real-life clients.

Calorically Gifted Filmmaker, Wife, Agent Ari Emanuel
As one of the most powerful figures in the agent biz, Emanuel has a very interesting sense of selective outrage. Although Ari Emanuel spoke out against Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic tirade to a Jewish Los Angeles-area cop, he’s been particularly reticent on client Michael Moore’s anti-Israel statements and Palestinian leanings. He knows on which side his bread is buttered. And, again, the Emanuel boys were influenced more by their anti-war mother than their brave soldier father, a brilliant medical doctor.
That’s why you shouldn’t be surprised when the Emanuel Brothers invite Michael Moore to the Onaugural festivities and later as a White House guest. Don’t be surprised if his corpulent self is at a State Dinner . . . if he can find a tux big enough. Yes, in addition to Oprah, Michael Moore will become an Obama insider.
The confluence of far-left Hollywood and Obama will be ever present in the White House Chief of Staff.

Look for This Real “Sicko” @ The Obama White House
***
One other thing about Rahm Emanuel: He lost half a finger when he accidentally chopped it off while working at a fast-food restaurant as a kid. But there are stories about how he’s allowed admiring fans and women to believe he somehow got it serving in the Israeli Army. That’s a myth. Although he spent time volunteering in the IDF during the Gulf War (when frankly he was likely of little use), that isn’t how he cut off his finger. The guy is neither an Israeli, nor a hero. And many wonder if he even remembers he’s a Jew . . . or an American. Include me among that querying category.

By Debbie Schlussel
Na-na-na-na, Na-na-na-na, hey, hey, Good-bye. The woman who, for the last three years, has allowed over 400,000 illegal aliens to enter the United States, and refused to track down most of 20 million here already, is finally leaving.
Months ago, I wrote on this site that Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Chieftess Julie L. Myers a/k/a “The ICE Princess”–the incompetent, unqualified, cronyette airhead acting as our nation’s top immigration enforcer–was mostly gone from ICE and “working” from home. I also noted that her hand-picked #2, John “Costanza” Torres–who is far worse–was running the show and was designated by Myers and Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff to be Myers’ interim replacement at ICE. And I mentioned Torres in another post earlier today, speculating on who’d head ICE after his “interim” status ended (can’t happen quickly enough).

ICE Princess Julie Myers and Her Blackfaced Awardee
Today, The ICE Princess made it official. She’s leaving by the end of next week. Good riddance and well past overdue to this spoiled witch. I enjoyed writing about the many outrages this woman committed, but didn’t enjoy the pain she put our country through and the glee she gave illegal aliens and terrorists. I wrote a New York Post column about her ridiculous banquet with a “former” Islamic terrorist, FBI award revokee, and immigration law violator who perpetrated marriage fraud to remain in the U.S.–Imad Hamad.
But there’s a reason she officially announced her exit right after the election. While she had hoped that John McCain would hire her, that’s evaporated now. And she might be in some, um, serious legal trouble.
There’s news that The ICE Princess–the “Blackface” expert who gave an agent an award for a Blackface costume, then lied about it, then hid and destroyed evidence about it–is the likely source of the leaked information to the media about Barack Hussein Obama’s Aunti Zeituno Onyango, an illegal alien, who was long ago ordered deported.
While it’s illegal for Myers to have leaked this information–and she could lose her law license for it (in addition to destroying evidence in the Blackface incident)–that’s not what bothers me. I’m glad we found out about this aunt, though far too late in the game.
What bothers me and should bother you, too, is that Myers knew that Aunti Zeituni was here illegally and allowed her to stay and live in public housing off the taxpayers’ dime. Yes, that’s the kinda charitable gal Julie Myers is. And she’s the kinda gal McCain would have kept in place. Her exit is the tiny silver lining in his loss. Unfortunately, there’s the little matter of her close buddy and hand-picked “replacement”, John P. Torres, who is far worse.
And, hopefully, the Obama camp will remember that Torres is the crony of the woman who leaked the news about his illegal “Aunti”.
As I’ve noted on this site, Torres–a proud high school graduate with little experience doing much of anything, except cheating on his then-wife with his employees–is one of the worst picks to run ICE imaginable. Then, there’s that little manner of the $100K plus he spent on a weeklong ICE party in Kansas City promoting himself. Yes, he wasted $30,000-$50,000 of your tax money to pay “immigration expert” Tommy Lasorda to speak at the confab. Maybe he knows about immigration from El Duque.
He’s a vindictive man who gives promotions to women who sleep with him–that’s against the law, even in the U.S. government. He creates supersecret, unlawful committees to pick his unqualified chickies and beer buddies for jobs when normal ICE hiring procedures wouldn’t permit these individuals to obtain those jobs He harasses both male and female employees and has a temper that would make Tony Montana and Michael Corleone blush. All due apologies to Montana and Corleone, who at least have the concept of honor down pat.
I hope I don’t have to eat my words here, but I think anyone Obama could pick instead would be better than John P. Torres. The problem is how fast Obama will pick his replacement. Here’s what my ICE insiders say:
* Expert #1–this person was a top high-ranking individual inside ICE:

I don’t know that he’s got any political stroke with the Dems to be able to snag a political appointment. I wonder how long after the Inaugeration ICE will have to wait for a new A/S. I read that OPM had drafted, and both the Obama and McCain campaigns had agreed to, a plan to fill 100 of the “most critical” political appointments in the govt within 60 days or so of the new Administration taking office; and a list of another 250 positions to be filled within 6 months or so. I don’t know where the ICE A/S may fall within that plan – we know Obama’s at least partly aware of ICE issues given his hyperbolic campaign statements about immigration raids “terrorizing” communities.

* Expert #2–a top ICE senior agent:

We can only hope that the “advisors” the new administration places in the agencies can see through JT [DS: John Torres]. But, since he’s so self-serving, I’m sure he has a photo (shopped) of himself with Clinton hanging in his office already [DS: he currently has a photo of Reagan, but is probably dumping it in the waste basket].
I can’t say I had much expectation for the future of immigration enforcement no matter who won.
I think Torres had a little juice with the Republican (had a picture with Reagan in his office), but I doubt anything worthy of a political appointment (let alone Senate confirmation). He could be kept around as the number two like John Clark [DS: also harassed female employees] was. I do think Obama will move quickly, but there are over 100 political appointee jobs in DHS alone. It’s going to be a fun ride.

Yes, it will, but not for Americans concerned with secure borders. Those having the most fun ride will be–as is currently the case–illegal aliens within our borders.
I will miss having the incompetent Valley Girl, Julie Myers, to kick around. As I frequently noted, she was just like Veruca Salt, the spoiled rich girl in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” who demanded that Daddy Find Her a Gold Ticket. In this case, “Daddy” was Retired Gen. Richard Myers, who is Myers’ uncle and helped get her the job for which she hadn’t the tiniest qualification. It helped that she picked the candidate for the job, as a Bush personnel official.
Now, I will have to retire those wonderful, hilarious photoshops that David Lunde of Lundesigns made for me. So I am posting just a few of my faves herein shortly (stay tuned–they’ll be here, at the bottom of this entry).
Good-bye, The ICE Princess, Julie Myers. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Here’s the Julie Myers theme song for the exit:

By Debbie Schlussel
A small minority of people–actually one reader–was upset that I wrote the article I wrote yesterday on the majority of Jews who voted for Barack Obama–Jews who are mostly not religious Jews and who are mostly very liberal (Orthodox Jews are conservative and voted mostly for McCain). The reader felt that it makes the Jews look bad, blames them for the Obama win, etc. In this day of increased anti-Semitism–in which I was called a “Jewish elitist” for some of my comments about Sarah Palin–I can certainly understand that trepidation.
I wrote the piece to expose the liberal Jews in Detroit who espouse extremist Muslims and help our enemies. I have no other forum in which to do so, as the Jewish newspaper in town is in bed with them and espouses the same absurdity. Exposing them on my well-read and popular site gets word out efficiently and effectively. And I wanted to give a voice to my many frustrated fellow co-religionists who, like me, are frightened by Barack Obama’s past and his future. I want you, the many gentiles who read my site, to know that many of us Jews do not approve of this crap pulled by our unelected, unrepresentative set of “leaders”.

That said, I want to be clear about something: Don’t blame the Obama win on America’s Jews. While exit polls claim that 78% of Jews voted for Obama–and I think that’s low, and probably some Jews lied to the exit pollsters–22% did not. We voted for McCain.
As American Jews, we make up only 5.2 million of the 300 million residents of America. As such, we are less than 2% of the country. And though we have a higher percentage of voter turnout than any other ethnic group, we are not the ones who elected Obama. 63,042,806 Americans voted for Obama, and Jews made up a tiny fraction of that. Since Obama got almost 8 million more votes than McCain, even if every Jew in America (and not all of us are over 18 and eligible to vote), it still wouldn’t have put him over the top.
We do not control elections or their outcomes, much less anything else. As someone who is not wealthy by any stretch, I am still waiting for my supposed share of the international banking system, Hollywood, and the liberal media.
And while I understand the Jewish reader’s trepidation, I believe that most of my readers are philo-Semitic and probably more pro-Israel than most Jews. I understand that conservatives and religious Christians are on my side for the most part. Yes, there are a few “paleo-conservatives” of the Pat Buchanan clan who never liked Jews or Israel, and there are others who claim to be pro-Israel, like Sean Vannity, yet are friends with Neo-Nazis like Hal Turner and constantly promote Pat Buchanan’s pro-Hitler book. But most of you, I know, don’t blame the election on my ethno-religious group. You blame it on a bad campaign, a bad candidate, a non-conservative President and party for the last eight years, and a confluence of events beyond our control–ie., the increasing mass stupidity and dumbing down of the American people, the mortgage crisis, the stock market crisis, etc.
Carl in Jerusalem, one of the many stalwart Jews for McCain, notes a great bumper sticker about how many of us Jews feel. Joe Gelman of Neocon Express blames the incompetent Republican Jewish Coalition, a group of which I’ve also been very critical.
Still, I want you to read a few of the many e-mails I’ve received from Jewish McCain voters from all over America, and one in Israel.
From My Friend, Karen:

Debbie,
I am so depressed, watching the election results and reading this email. The world is full of fucking idiots and they happen to be Jews. I am terrified for this country — for us, and for Israel.
The Pied Piper, Svengali, Robin Hood and Emperor Without Clothes has them mesmerized into imbeciles.
Karen

Reader Charles:

Dear Debbie:
As another Orthodox Jew I am extremely depressed on the thought of 4 years of this anti-semite serving as President. I can’t believe so many so-called Jews supported him. They would vote for Adolf if he was on the Democratic ticket. These were not real Jews. They are the liberal Jews who infest the West Side of New York. The people I learn with in Yeshiva [Jewish academy of Torah/Bible learning] all supported McCain. In my Young Israel crowd there were very few who supported, and I can hardly use the word that Rush [Limbaugh] uses, “the messiah.” . . .
What a depressing evening.
My G’dson is Brett Joshpe who is an up and coming conservative. Maybe you’ve seen his columns and recent book “Why You’re Wrong About The Right?” He asked me last week what the Jews in Germany did when Hitler came to power. I told him the Reform [Reform Jews] crowd thought they were OK since they were German. The monied people left, and the poor were left to die.
Charles

Reader Adina:

I must tell you that from my birds eye view in Israel, having just moved here this summer, I must say that the news of Obama’s election is eliciting true fright. The leaders here veer dangerously leftward, but the average Jew knows the score.
Not only are people living in the US in danger, but Israel is now truly alone in its fight against the Islamists, and in particular the Iranian Hitler. We will need to strike pre-emptively,and soon.This is what I am hearing from my many contacts
We can all thank leftwing Jews who championed, shielded and now elected him, and most especially George Soros for bankrolling his machine. I hate to admit this, but even after witnessing the Holocaust, most Jews are incapable of self preservation. They worship the God of multiculturalism, and are more frightened of being branded racist, than of making rational decisions.
If people truly want to understand this Jewish dementia a good place to start is by reading Dr Kenneth Levin’s trenchant book, “The Oslo Syndrome: Delusions of a People Under Siege” [DS: An EXCELLENT Book!]. A real eye opener, you might want to review it on your site, and discuss its important implications. Our lives might very well depend on it.
Adina

Reader Rob, a Medical Doctor:

Dear Debbie
I love your BLOG. You tell the truth.
I am Jewish and proud of it. I am at odds with my entire family now.
I especially liked your piece, “When Your Doctor is a Muslim: Medical Terrorism Comes to America.”
I am a doctor. I treat Muslims, Jews, Whites, Blacks, and at times have even treated people with big tattoos of swastikas. Treating patients with swastika tattoos sickens me, but I use my position as a Jewish doctor to give people the chance to not hate me and not hate Jews. It has worked with White supremacists. I have been told that I was the coolest and best doctor and made it clear to guys with swastikas tattooed on them that I was indeed Jewish. That when you get a tattoo like that you never know when you will be at the mercy of a Jewish doctor. I have had guys tell me they were going to have their Swastika tattoo removed after dealing with me.
Debbie, my heart is crying. When will we as Americans learn? When we as Jews learn? I have a few Jewish patients. I was talking to one a little before election day about Sarah Palin a great American and a supporter of Judeo-Christian culture as well as a supporter of Israel. There is a small beacon of hope for America, Judeo-Christian culture, and Israel itself. And that is all he can say.
I am tired. People are so ignorant. Only a few see what is really happening. I admire your candor. Your braveness and the truth you tell.
See you in the Obama re-education camps. Jews seem to think we may somehow deserve the violence perpetrated against us.
Sincerely and Shalom
Rob

Yesterday, you read reader Scott’s letter, and here’s his follow-up today:

I thought you might like to know that I read your whole article on the Jewish Women’s Federation at my Torah study class tonight, and a lively discussion ensued.
We were not watching election results, so it was good and positive time spent.
We have lost this election, and I have to say that I am rattled to the core.
I feel like I do not know America anymore – and I had so much faith in the people of this country!
I sing “G-d Bless America” to my ten-month-old daughter when I put her to sleep. I love this country. But what is to become of it – of us?
Hoping that somehow we may be able to find some silver lining, some light in this mess.
Thank you for all that you have done.
ROMNEY ’12!
Blessing and success in all your endeavors,
Scott

My Friend Dan:

Debbie,
Oy vey, this is drek.
What do you think is going to be?
We true conservatives will be back in two years and in four years! Hopefully the country will still be viable. Keep the faith.
Dan

These are just a few of many, many e-mails I’ve gotten from American Jews who voted for John McCain.
There are many of us–over one in every five of us, nearly one in every four Jews, voted for John McCain.
Let’s hope that number increases in four years . . . or rather, in two.

By Debbie Schlussel
Okay, so it’s not really an important story, but I just had to laugh at these two items about the annoying Madonna and her even more annoying Jewish scientology: Faux-Kabbalah. (Real Kabbalah–Jewish mysticism–is for extremely observant Orthodox Jewish males above the age of 40 who need even more than the 613 laws and their variations that we observe. It’s not for women who make photo books of themselves in their full birthday suit, have a kid out of wedlock
First there is this picture, from the October 20th issue of US Magazine. I feel bad for this poor Black kid. First, Madonna rips him from his real parents in his native Malawi in Africa, both of whom are alive. After all, she needs a living ebony accessory to stay relevant at age 50 and counting. Next, she makes the kid–who isn’t a Jew and neither is his accessory-owner, Madonna–wear a yarmulke to indoctrinate this toddler in the dumb faux-Kaballah BS cult. It’s ridiculous, and the kid, David Banda, clearly doesn’t look too thrilled.

Then, there are these rules Madonna allegedly has for her kids, also from US Magazine, this one from its November 10th issue. The part about letting her Catholic-Hispanic-Italian daughter and her Malawian son only keep one “Channukah present” is hilarious on so many levels. Oy vey. These poor kids, who should be allowed to celebrate Christmas–in daughter Lourdes’ case–and whatever African tribal ceremony they do in Malawi–in the Malawian boy’s case, not only have to pretend they’re Jewish, they don’t get to keep their Christmas gifts.

I like Christians and respect their religious traditions, which is why I can’t understand why any of them would disregard those for this phony empty cult that isn’t even real Judaism and, when practiced properly, is for very religious Orthodox Jewish males. It would be like me, a religious Jew, taking communion and attending midnight mass. I’m simply not eligible and it doesn’t make sense.
It reminds me of that scene in “The Jerk”, when Steve Martin’s character working at a gas station, runs after these Hispanic robbers who are stealing the gas pumps. He wants to return their stolen form of payment: “Ms. Nussbaum, you forgot your credit car”.
This whole thing reminds me of Britney Spears and that time she donned a Jewish Star necklace. Please Madonna and Britney, we don’t want to claim you. We’re already stuck with Ron Jeremy, Roseanne, Hillary Clinton’s step-grandfather, Ehud Olmert, Tzippi Livni, Shimon Peres, and the 78% of us who voted mindlessly for Obama. And that’s enough for any persecuted religion to handle.