By Debbie Schlussel
Beware of Ms. Thangs Bearing Special Messages.
That’s the warning that Department of Homeland Security agents and other employees should take to heart as they hear from the special guest at their “Town Hall” meeting, tomorrow.
The First Ms. Thang a/k/a Michelle Hussein Obama will be the guest of honor and she will deliver a “special message” from Barack Hussein Obama. One wonders what it could be:
* Thanks for not deporting my aunt Zeytouni Onyango?
* Thanks for not enforcing immigration laws, er . . . thanks for enforcing “comprehensive immigration reform”?

* You may now return to your homes and farms. All national security problems, including the illegal alien invasion have been solved?
* As-Salaam Aleikum Al-Ikhwan Al-Muslimeen [Peace Be Unto You, the Muslim Brotherhood]?
* Prepare to absorb our new amnestyized population of Somalian pirates, who have earned the special right of citizenship from their heroics. Perhaps they could join their fellow countrymen at the Agriprocessors plant where you created some job openings for them?
Well, it could be any of these or worse. But here’s the scoop, sent to me by my spies at DHS:

From: ICE-Broadcast
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 3:47 PM
Subject: MESSAGE FROM SECRETARY NAPOLITANO: TUESDAY, APRIL 14 TOWN HALL WITH THE FIRST LADY
Importance: High
April 13, 2009
Dear Colleagues,
I am pleased to announce that tomorrow, April 14, at 11 a.m., I will hold a special town hall event from the Nebraska Avenue Complex in Washington, D.C., where we will be joined by a very special guest, First Lady Michelle Obama, who will speak to employees and bring a message from President Obama.

The town hall will be posted on our Web site and will be accessible via a link that will be placed on both Department and Component intranets for later viewing.
This is a tremendous statement about you, the hundreds of thousands of DHS employees throughout the world who do the hard and sometimes invisible work protecting this country from harm. I hope you take the same message from this visit that I do – that your hard work is being recognized by the country’s first family.

Uh-huh. “Recognized” by releasing the illegal aliens back to their employer, giving them work authorization, and investigating the agents who arrested them?

This is an exciting opportunity for the Department, and I hope you will take the time to view the video once it is posted.

I’m sure the agents are soooooo excited about this “exciting opportunity” to hear Ms. Thang.

Sincerely,
Janet Napolitano
Secretary

Remember how Michelle Obama treated cops during the campaign? Like she was more royal than Queen Elizabeth.
Don’t expect tomorrow’s act to be any different.

By Debbie Schlussel
Last week, I told you about Barack Hussein Obama’s plans to hold the first ever White House Passover Seder. I called it what it was: a stunt and a Jewish minstrel show. I noted that it was an exercise in hypocrisy and a mockery, given that the man who is leading the charge to hang with Islamic terrorists and enemies of the Jewish people was going to host a ceremony marking Jewish freedom from slavery.
Well, it gets even more hypocritical. As I describe on this site every year, one of the most important elements of Passover is to eat food that is not only kosher, but kosher for Passover. This means no leavened breads, no flour (except in certain limited circumstances, as in matzoh, where it is not allowed to rise and only bakes for 18 minutes), no corn or corn products, rice, beans, peas, stringbeans, and similar other restrictions. It’s very restrictive, but it’s a basic part of the Seder.
But not Obama’s stunt show seder.
In fact, as more proof it was a stunt, the Obama White House Seder was completely the opposite. Not only wasn’t it kosher for Passover. It wasn’t kosher, period. Do you think Obama would serve Muslims food that wasn’t halal when he hosts Ramadan iftar dinners? Don’t bet on it. He has far more respect when it comes to that religion. Bush White House iftar dinners were 100% halal.

Reports say the food at the Pharaoh-Bama Seder was “kosher style,” which means not kosher. Whenever you see a deli or restaurant that says “kosher style,” it’s a misnomer. There is really no such thing as kosher style. Something is either kosher or it isn’t. “Kosher style” is a euphemism for “Jewish ethnic food.” So, at the Obama minstrel seder, they ate Jewish style food, which wasn’t even kosher.
Yup, Obama’s Seder wasn’t kosher. The irony speaks volumes.
Look at the pic of the seder. Daughters Sasha and Malia sat at the table.
Huh? We’re not even Jewish, and we still have to sit through this? Don’t these Jewboys know that our daddy has been talking to HAMAS for months?
Of course, the point of the Obama administration is all symbolism and no substance, just like the Seder that wasn’t kosher.
The Democrats are already pimping this stunt on Jews:

“By hosting the first presidential Seder in America’s history, President Barack Obama shows the personal and deep relationship he has with the Jewish community,” [National Jewish Democratic Council] Deputy Executive Director Alexis C. Rice told the Associated Press. “There is no question, Obama is a true friend of the Jewish community.”

Um, yes there is. There are plenty of questions. And one stunt meal won’t change a thing. It’s just lipstick on a(n unkosher) pig.

By Debbie Schlussel
Thanks to the many readers who continued to send me tips in my absence during the first two days of Passover. One of the items that many readers sent was the one about this sexy Islamic beauty, Nour Hadid, who beat her two-year-old niece to death.
But no worries about the murder of her niece, who was covered head to toe with bruises and other signs of trauma. The real “insult” here–the real crime–is the “insult to Islam,” of making Ms. Hadid remove her complete Ninja face veil (the niqab) in order to pose for her mug shot. Yup, that was the real insult, according to hubby Alaeddin Hadid. Hmmm . . . instead of a magic lamp, Aladdin has a magic child-beating niece murderer.
Oh, and–shocker!–this murderess is connected to the Bridgeview Mosque Foundation, which has been repeatedly linked to HAMAS financiers and schemers.

The police booking photo of alleged child killer Nour Hadid released Tuesday is an “insult against our religion,” says Hadid’s husband, Alaeddin.

Islamic Child Murderer, Nour Hadid

Orland Park police detectives say the 26-year-old Muslim woman was treated as any other suspect in a murder probe would be, and they did not intend to humiliate her when they photographed her Sunday without her headscarf and wearing only a skimpy top. . . .
To many Muslims, taking off a woman’s hijab in public is akin to taking off someone’s clothes and making him or her stand in his or her underwear.

Too bad. To many Americans, taking away a little girl’s life is akin to murder. But, you know, priorities.

Nour Hadid is accused of beating her 2-year-old niece Bhia Hadid to death over four days at her home on the 9000 block of West 140th Street. The child had 55 separate bruises and was beaten “from head to toe,” according to prosecutors, who say Hadid confessed.

But, again, that’s not the real crime here. Making this ugly woman–inside and out–pose for a mug shot, that is the real crime.

But Alaeddin Hadid . . . said Orland Park police are “really going to be in big trouble” for releasing the woman’s booking photo to the news media after she was charged with first-degree murder.
The Hadids are Muslims and Nour “never leaves the home without covering up,” said Alaeddin, who’s vowed to sue.

Like I said, priorities. Who gives a whit about the dead niece? We’re more concerned with a head-schmatta.

“It is against our religion; we do not do this in our culture,” Alaeddin said.

Ah, yes, we know, in your culture you do beat two-year-olds to death. Americans must practice “tolerance” of your barbaric “culture.”

“People have been calling me about this all day.”

About the full Ninja face cover, but they don’t call about the dead toddler. Lovely people. “Religion of Peace.”

Orland Park police Cmdr. Chuck Doll said the mug shot was taken “for identification purposes” before Hadid made her confession. . . .
Islamic advocacy groups seem wary of taking up Hadid’s cause.
Spokesmen for the Council on Islamic American Relations, the Islamic Society of North America and the Bridgeview Mosque Foundation all declined to comment Thursday.

Gee, I wonder why.
So, to summarize:
Removing a ridiculous face-veil for the purpose of identifying a murderer: Horror of Horrors.
Beating murder of a two-year-old child: A-OK.
Like I said, I missed a lot when I was away.

By Debbie Schlussel
This is really an outrage. But it’s the new world of “immigration (non)enforcement” in the age of Obama.
Remember the 27 illegal aliens that Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents arrested in an employer raid in Bellingham, Washington near Seattle? Remember how they were released to freedom and how Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Reno, er . . . Napolitano a/k/a “The Lesbionic Woman” said that she would investigate the ICE agents for doing their jobs? As I reported, Seattle ICE Special Agent in Charge Leigh H. Winchell had to take it upon himself and apologize for her actions and pat his agents on the back over this absurdity.
Well, it gets worse. ICE agents tell me that Citizenship and Immigration Services has issued Employment Authorization Cards to the 27 aliens arrested in Seattle. Agents tell me that,

This was done so those aliens can stay in country and file lawsuits against the Seattle ICE agents!

Yup, not only is America under attack from within. It’s under attack from its own government. Who cares if Barack Obama allowed the Navy to save a ship captain after much “mulling it over,” when he’s allowing illegal aliens to stay here, get work permits, and give them the ability to sue our dedicated, patriotic law enforcement authorities for doing their jobs?
Incredible. But, actually, nothing is incredible in the Obama era. Anything goes.
But, wait, there’s more. ICE agents also tell me that an ICE investigation into Customs inspections of freight was shut down by ICE headquarters because the ICE agents might find illegal aliens and arrest them. And we can’t have that. ICE agents were told to be sure that this info didn’t end up leaked to my site.

As the 27 illegal aliens got work authorization in Washington State, a couple of ICE agents in New Orleans, including [DS: name redacted] one of the best at Customs Investigations, put together an operation with Customs and Border Protection to inspect “In-Bond” Warehouses and freight yards. This was for the explicit purpose of searching for Customs violations. These types of searches usually bring forth good seizures and penalties. But ICE HQ shut the operation down because, “the investigating agents might encounter illegal aliens. Since we are getting away from worksite investigations, we don’t want to risk that.” . . .
Moreover, after that happened, Special Agent in Charge Mike Holt warned the New Orleans office agents to keep that information within the office because he did not want it getting leaked and ending up on Debbie Schlussel’s blog.

Yup, why enforce immigration law and arrest illegal aliens when the name of your agency is Immigration and Customs Enforcement? I mean, why make sense and have logic govern your actions, not to mention the laws of the United States your agency is tasked with enforcing?
I used to refer to ICE as “LICE,” because it was more like Latino Immigration and Customs Enforcement, while Muslims needn’t worry. But now I think it should just be called “NICE“–Non-Immigration and Customs Enforcement. The “I” in ICE simply doesn’t matter to the “leadership” of this agency and its uber-fuhrer, Napolitano, any more.
By the way, if you’re thinking of making the career mistake of your life and joining this law enforcement agency under attack from within, I’d suggest getting a good lawyer and taking out an iron-clad umbrella policy covering professional conduct.

By Debbie Schlussel
While I was away for the first part of Passover, I not only missed the Oprah “Get Your Daughter a Vibrator STAT” episode, but I also missed the “If I Only Had a Gun” ABC News “20/20” special.
As I predicted (and you didn’t have to be Einstein to figure this one out), it turned out to be an hour of propaganda. When Diane Sawyer claimed at the beginning that the special was not about the right to bear arms and not about the guns already out there, you knew that was a lie. It was exactly about that–a one-hour gun-control propaganda hour.
But even more troubling was the biggest lie told by Sawyer at the beginning of the show. She said, “this has been the most violent month in U.S. history.”

Diane Sawyer & ABC News Blatantly Lied in Gun-Grabber “News” Show
Really? Has April (or the last month through the date of the show’s airing on April 10th) really been the “most violent” month in American history? If violence is measured by murders, not really. Remember 9/11? Sawyer was referring to the shootings of cops in Pennsylvania and California and aliens and employees at an immigration center in New York. Those pale in comparison to the 3,000 Americans murdered on one day in September of 2001. More Americans have died in one day in some Civil War battles than died in these incidents.
It’s simply not correct to call this past month, “the most violent month in U.S. history.”
Not even close.
And that’s even if you include all of the other murders–and even the other violent attacks–in America in the last month.
But since ABC News is willing to lie about this in order to get a point across about how you shouldn’t have easy access to guns, then they’ll lie about anything for any reason.
You simply can’t believe ABC News. The “A” definitely doesn’t stand for “Accuracy.” And frankly, “American” is a real stretch for Diane and the gang, too.

By Debbie Schlussel
While I was away for the first days of Passover, I missed a lot. And I missed a lot of garbage.
In the latter category, on her daytime talk show, Thursday, Oprah Winfrey had a mother give her ten-year-old daughter the “birds and bees” talk. That was bad enough.
Worse was Oprah’s sex therapist, “Dr.” Laura Berman (who is not a real doctor, she has a Ph.D.). Berman, who hosts the “Better in Bed” show on Oprah’s XM channel, told parents

you can also introduce your daughters about self-stimulation, orgasm, masturbation . . . . And think about getting a vibrator [for your daughters] when they’re fifteen. . . . I’m a big believer in a vibrator for every woman. Every woman should have one.

And, of course, big fat Oprah was the one-woman giant amen crowd for this outrageous advice to buy sex toys for your kids.
Oprah:

What is the big deal about a vibrator?

Fake Doctor Laura Berman, Oprah:
Dirty Old Hags Tell You to Buy Vibrators For Your Daughters

For you, Oprah, probably nothing, since it’s your eternal bedmate.
Yup, this is what Oprah wants you to teach your ten-year-old. Who needs Larry Flynt’s filth, when you can hear this gross fantasy on daytime television? Where the heck is the FCC? So, Howard Stern has to be censored, but this goes on the airwaves, interruption-free?
Oh, and get the “feminist,” anti-male excuse for teaching your young kids to masturbate.
“Dr.” Laura Berman:

Teach your daughters to self-stimulate . . . so that they never have to depend on a boy to do it for them.

Uh-huh. This is what your kids watch on afternoon TV when they come home from school.
I seem to remember a similarly obtuse person recommending this “teach your kids to masturbate” BS. Remember Joycelyn Elders, President Clinton’s incompetent, affirmative action project surgeon general?
Remember her? We’d rather not.

Keep Their Sex Advice Away From Your Kids

By Debbie Schlussel
Last week, I told you about how over 40 Hezbollah operatives were caught in Egypt plotting to attack Egypt and Jews and smuggle weapons to Palestinians in Rafah, Gaza.
But the attackers and potential attackers of Israel are all around. Terrorists are within and without, at every corner on every border.
Last week, it was Hezbollah in Egypt and Gaza, over the weekend it was a HAMAS bomb-making factory for terrorism at a West Bank mosque. This went on in the so-called West Bank, under the eye of “moderate” leader, Mahmoud Abbas.

HAMAS Caught Using West Bank Mosque to Make Bombs
And it illustrates among other things, something I’ve noted over and over on this site: that propping up this extremist, Abbas, as a “moderate” and “parter for peace” is not only fraudulent, but it’s a waste of time. HAMAS is the most popular force in the West Bank and will soon take over. That a West Bank mosque became a HAMAS bomb plant is yet another sign of how strong and welcome the terrorist group is in the West Bank. Having Israel give away the store to Abbas is basically having the country give away the store to HAMAS, since it will take over and enjoy the spoils of whatever latest self-amputations Israel gives up to the Palestinian Authority President in the interest of phony peace.

WEST BANK–Palestinian security officials said on Sunday that they had found a Hamas bomb-making factory underneath a mosque in the occupied West Bank.

“Occupied”? Who’s occupying it? It’s run by Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestinian Authority President and has mostly been under Arafat or Abbas control since the mid-’90s.

“Security forces found a bomb-making factory inside a mosque in Qalqiliya,” an interior ministry statement said. “Many of the bombs were ready to use and many of them were of industrial grade.”
A senior security official told AFP that Fatah-led Palestinian security forces had detained “many” people for questioning after the discovery, and said the “factory belongs to Hamas.”
The revelation was likely to increase tensions between the two main factions whose long-running feud exploded in June 2007 when the Islamist Hamas group booted out Fatah loyalists from Gaza after a week of deadly street battles.

So sad, too bad. Crocodile tears. May the feud go on forever, and my both sides lose. Alhamdillullah [praise allah].
If only Israel and the rest of the West had the guts to take advantage of this feud.
In any event, this bomb-making group is the marvelous crowd with which Obama has been talking since last summer, well before he became President.
Oh, and don’t forget, this is just the latest example of how “holy” these Muslims actually consider their mosques, as in, not very. If only we had the guts to share the same considerations and act accordingly.

By Debbie Schlussel
**** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE ****
“The Best Crew I’ve Ever Sailed With. The Captain Never Gave This Crew Up. Not Once. . . . Now we know how to beat ’em, and word’s out.”
Well, it’s a good day for the family and crew of newly freed Richard Phillips, Captain of the Maersk Alabama ship briefly invaded by Islamic Terrorists, to whom the media likes to refer with the euphemism “Somalian Pirates.” While the pirates pointed AK-47s at Captain Phillips, sharp-shooters shot and killed three of the terrorists. That’s a start, and there’s plenty of room in the ocean for more. You can bet these Islamic terrorists will think twice before taking another ship with an American crew aboard. And other ships with foreign crews should take note of this week of American bravery. Watch the first video.
However, the American crew of the Maersk says that they waited too long before they had help from the U.S. Navy (strangely, NBC edited that part out of the video after first airing it on tonight’s NBC Nightly News). They say they were under attack for a week before the Islamic terrorists boarded their ship. They also said that the ship was never “taken” by the Islamic terrorist “pirates.” Watch the second video. The crew’s reaction is noteworthy, and their captain’s brave behavior is very American.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Also of note, the Maersk Alabama was carrying humanitarian aid for a number of African countries, including Somalia. This is how they treat their own in Muslim Somalia and the rest of Muslim-dominated Africa. Yet, we are supposed to make peace with and be tolerant of them. Dream on.
**** UPDATE: Reader Marvin has a great point.

The media is calling this rescue, “a miraculous, heroic accomplishment.”
Debbie, it was a raft with 4 pirates, with an American hostage, against a US NAVAL DESTROYER. Compared to the rescue operation in Entebbe, this was a total joke.
How are they considering this a major military feat?????
We are doomed. The fact that it went on for more then a day is a total embarrassment.

And, as I noted above, the ship’s crew said it actually lasted for a whole week before the Islamic terrorists came aboard the ship.

Next, the surviving pirate will get a book and movie deal.

The way things are going in this world, I wouldn’t be surprised.

By Debbie Schlussel
You’ll remember my post, back in December, about how California’s Shasta County cavalierly shut down 86-year-old disabled World War II veteran Jack Melton and his modest fruitcake business, meant to supplement a very modest income.
Now the grinch that stole Christmas is stealing Easter–or at least Lent preceding it, and for the same absurd reasons.
While many of my Christian readers are out celebrating Easter, the Pennsylvania big government grinch made it a little tougher for some of that State’s religious Catholics to sell home-made pies in the period leading up to the holiday.

On the first Friday of Lent, an elderly female parishioner of St. Cecilia Catholic Church began unwrapping pies at the church. That’s when the trouble started.

St. Cecilia Catholic Church’s Pie Bakers Fight Big Govt.

A state inspector, there for an annual checkup on the church’s kitchen, spied the desserts. After it was determined that the pies were home-baked, the inspector decreed they couldn’t be sold.
“Everyone was devastated,” says Josie Reed, a 69-year-old former teacher known for her pumpkin and berry pies.
Sold for $1 a slice, homemade pies have always been part of the Lenten fish-fry dinners at St. Cecilia’s, located in this tiny city near Pittsburgh. Similar dinners are held in church basements and other venues across the country this time of year.
After a state crackdown forbidding the sale of homemade pies, members of St. Cecilia Catholic Church in Rochester, Pa., proceeded with their annual Lenten fish fries anyway. The pie flap helped draw healthy crowds.
The problem is the pies are illegal in Pennsylvania. Under the state’s food-safety code, facilities that provide food at four or more events in a year require at least a temporary eating and drinking license, and food has to be prepared in a state-inspected kitchen. Many churches have six fish fries a year, on Fridays during Lent. St. Cecilia’s has always complied with having its kitchen licensed, so food made there is fine to serve. But homemade goods don’t make the cut. . . .
The Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture declined to make the inspector available for comment.

As I said when I wrote about Jack Melton’s fruitcakes, the fact remains that many “licensed” kitchens are not even a fraction as clean as those of many homes. The whole thing is a bunch of bunk. The nanny state worrying about pies, you know, for your own good. Bah, Humbug. (Not sure what the Easter equivalent for Humbug is or whether there is one.)
St. Cecilia Catholic Church today, my synagogue tomorrow. (Someone else’s mosque . . . never–they don’t enforce the rules on Muslims the way they do on everyone else).
We’re from the government, and we’re here to help you.

By Debbie Schlussel
It’s always hilarious when aged, has-been former swimsuit models need to find a new job. Some of them promote products for aging women. But others with less cache and so shame take to preaching to the rest of us and giving us advice.
Unless it’s about finding the best bikini for your body shape or the best spray tan, shut up. No one cares to hear your advice.
And so it goes for former swimsuit model Kathy Ireland. Now she has a new advice book for moms and she brags about teaching Sunday School at church.
Perhaps the irony is lost on Ireland (and pandering talk show hosts promoting her) that not long before she taught Sunday school, she was busy posing topless and baring her ass (also here) to the world. Now that she’s too old and can no longer do it, it’s so interesting and convenient that she’s suddenly so moral and preachy.
Meet America’s Newest “Oppressed” Financial Advisor . . .

Kathy Ireland
In a pandering interview with fawning airhead and proud high school grad Detroit radio talk show host, the completely ignorant Frank Beckmann (who also does verbal Lewinskys to Islam and terrorism supporters at every opportunity), I couldn’t stop laughing as I heard new economic advisor Kathy Ireland give advice to Michigan residents about how to deal with the economy. “Maybe it’s time to think about re-locating.” Gee, thanks, Kathy. No one’s ever thought of that before. You’re a genius.
Then, she went on to talk about how she is qualified and experienced enough to give advice to people in a tough economy, moms, and everyone else.

As a kid, I marched with Cesar Chavez . . . . I know what it’s like to be oppressed.

Yup, I hear you, Kathy. It is truly oppressing when you don’t get picked for the SI Swimsuit Edition cover one year, and only the inside. And it’s also oppressive when K-Mart cancels your failed fashion line after paying you millions in licensing fees.
The only thing funnier than Kathy Ireland doling out economic and mothering advice was my fave appearance by her on “Late Night with David Letterman,” during the height of her swimsuit model career.
Letterman asked her if she enjoyed posing in exotic locales. She spoke of posing around “the trees that grow coconuts.” “You mean palm trees,” Letterman said. Ireland: “No, I mean the coconut trees.”
A regular Einstein, this one. But no worries. This brainiac is now marketing “Financial Solutions.” Well, my financial advisor is Kathy Ireland. And Kathy says . . . .
Oh, and before you write me about how this dimwit is a conservative (not that this would make a difference to me), you might wanna check out her website, on which she says, “Our political labels need to end,” and calls the election of Barack Hussein Obama “a miracle.”
They should have a distant retirement home for aging, former models, so that we wouldn’t have to hear from them as they search for a new niche once their posing days are over.
Watch this funny video of an over-anxious Kathy Ireland trying to promote the book (that her co-author–a man–actually wrote, with advice for moms):

Remember, the FOX Business Network had the nerve to put her and this book on as “business advice.” They even asked her what’s going to happen with the stock market. Gag me.