By Debbie Schlussel
Add the Palestinian Authority/Fatah v. Al-Jazeera to my list of Feuds I Love and Wish Would NEVER End (and that Both Sides Would Lose).
A little background: Fatah hates Al-Jazeera because it tends to be an instrument of HAMAS, Fatah’s arch-enemy. But this is about intra-Fatah feuding. And keep in mind that the Fatah-controlled Palestinian Authority–America’s preferred “democrats,” “moderates,” and “peace partner”–is the governmental unit seizing and shutting down a TV news network (because they don’t like the Terror News Network’s coverage of Fatah infighting over who killed Arafat).
Note that the Palestinians aren’t even following their own laws regarding freedom of the press, which goes to show that their laws–as we know–are a joke and a fiction. Also note that the excuse that Al-Jazeera and its supporters are giving for why they shouldn’t be shut down is that they help expose “Israeli crimes.”
Holocaust Denier-in-Chief Mahmoud Abbas/Abu Mazen v. Terrorist News Network . . .

And finally, where the heck is the international press, which always whines and moans about freedom of the press? When Israel and American authorities in Iraq shut down Al-Jazeera, it was all over our mainstream media “news.” But when Arabs and Muslims do it, it ain’t no thing, apparently.

The Palestinian Authority will go ahead with a suit against the Qatar-based Al-Jazeera television after they shut down their West Bank offices on charges of “incitement and false information.”
Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad said Wednesday night that he commissioned Attorney General Ahmed Al-Mughni to take the legal procedures necessary to prosecute Al-Jazeera. Analysts say the Tuesday report with comments by senior Fatah member Farouq Qaddoumi, who accused President Abbas of involvement in an alleged plot to kill Yasser Arafat was the final impetus for the suit.
In a statement Fayyad said his government would continue to ensure freedom of the press in Palestine but would at the same time take action “against anything that may cause discrimination among factions” and deepen the national division.

Translation: Freedom of the press in the Palestinian authority, but only when it’s favorable to Fatah and President Abbas. And these are the people Israel is supposed to “partner” with for “peace.” Hilarious. These people can’t even get along within Fatah (not to mention their deadly feud with HAMAS), and yet Israel is expected to get along with them.

Responding to the decision, the Palestinian Media Forum (PMF) called on Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas to reverse the decision describing it as restricting freedom of press.
“The Palestinian information ministry should honor Al-Jazeera teams for their efforts in exposing Israeli crimes in the Palestinian territories rather than shutting down its offices . . .” a statement by the PMF said. . . .
For his part, Fayyad said Al-Jazeera TV would not be permitted to work in Palestine under Law 9, passed in 1995.
Article 14 of chapter two of the Basic Law (1995) states:
Every person shall have right to freedom of thought, conscience and expression and publication of his opinion either orally, in writing or in the form of art or through any other form of expression, subject to observance of restrictions imposed by law for the respect of the rights or reputations of others, the protection of national security or of public order or of public health or morals.

Thanks to Dr. Aaron Lerner of IMRA–Independent Media Research & Analysis–for the tip.
Like I said: yet another feud to add to my list of favorite feuds I wish would keep on going forever and that both sides would lose.
Alien v. Predator–Feuds I Wish Would Never End:
Charles Barkley v. President Barack Hussein Obama Barry Soetoro Idi Amin Dada

William Shatner/”Capt. Kirk” v. George Takei/”Sulu” . . .

Aretha Franklin v. Tina Turner . . .

Baba Wawa v. Star Jones . . .

Dr. Death, Baba Wawa & Star Jones Swimsuit Edition
HAMAS v. Fatah . . .

Donald v. Rosie . . .

By Debbie Schlussel
As I told you yesterday, ICE told local cops that they can no longer enforce immigration law. But, with 20 million illegal aliens in our midst, here’s what many ICE agents are up to . . . and, as I’ve noted about these “functions” of ICE, they have nothing to do with immigration enforcement and shouldn’t even be a priority in customs law enforcement.
Some Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents have come up with a great set of parody posters about their agency’s “more important” and most publicized work (the photos are heavily publicized PR photos taken by ICE brass at real press conferences).
On this site, we’ve mocked ICE spending valuable tax dollars seizing coins from American divers to return them to Saudi scumbags who befriended and enabled Bin Laden, or returning dinosaur eggs to the Chi-Coms and the Argentinians (so that then-ICE Chieftess Julie L. Myers could vacation in South America on the taxpayer dime). The tiger poster is more of the same (though it probably should have said, “We Keep You Safe From DEAD Tigers”).

By Debbie Schlussel
Since the borders are secure, the 20 million illegal aliens in our midst have been apprehended and deported, and no one will ever again try to sneak weapons onto planes, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano a/k/a “The Lesbionic Woman” has her priorities in order.
J-No is concentrating her efforts on the important national security order of the day: scraping the color-coded terror alert system (you remember the orange, yellow, red levels, etc.) and coming up with her own new systerm of terror alert code.
This “model administrator” has already appointed a whole task force–a whole new mini-bureaucracy–to review the color alert system and issue findings. This committe will have staff, and it will publish its findings on this unimportant issue. Just how much will this brilliant committee and its review cost you, the American taxpayer? Well, that part is conveniently left out of The Lesbionic Woman’s press release about this.

(Lesbionic Woman Artwork by David Lunde/Lundesigns)
It’s ridiculous and a waste of time. Yes, the current colored terror alert system is silly. But it’s adequate. And multi-millions of dollars have been spent on it. There is no legitimate reason to change it.
So, why scrap it and spend millions more on a new and likely equally stupid system? There’s only one answer: So that J-No can look useful and important and put her own bureaucratic system in place, while feeling the grand sense of power in wasting more taxpayer gazillions on her new pet system of alerts.
This tells me one thing, a thing I already knew: that the DHS is in dire shape, it’s own condition is at red on the terror color chart. DHS’ stupidity, like this latest example, continues to put us at an unconscious Severe Risk on the terror alert system.
While Homeland Security officials are busy studying and analyzing color charts and systems, terrorists continue to plan our demise, while the agency supposedly charged with stopping them is doing the work of Sesame Street.

By Debbie Schlussel
Only one thing to say on this: Great Minds Think Alike.
And did I mention, Obama Throws Like a Girl ?
According to google, the “hotness level” of this topic is “On Fire.” Or as I like to say, On Fy-ah.

By Debbie Schlussel
Yes, as we’ve already discovered, there is no limit, no logic or reason to the Michael Jackson mania that won’t die. Remember the Michael Jackson “Moonwalk” Cheeto, which hit $26 in bids before Ebay removed it? Well, check this out.
This news report from CBS 13 in Stockton, California is hilarious. And it shows me that not much is happenin’ in Stockton. When I look at this tree stump, I see . . . a tree stump. Check out the woman’s comments about Michael Jackson v. Jesus. Looks like she ate both of them.

HA! With geniuses like these, you wonder why America is going down the tubes.

By Debbie Schlussel
Is a tryout for the WNBA next? He’s got the weak, overhead throw down pat (as well as missing the target). And if you listen closely, you can hear the booing.

BTW, “Roachenator,” who posted this video on YouTube has these grat comments:

Obama throws like Greta van Susteren. Fox didnt show the angle of the pitch landing due to Obama’s media request since he didnt want to be embarrassed on TV.
Where did it land? Was it a strike or wasn’t it? Why didn’t the network choose a better camera to shoot from? Those were the questions that viewers of baseball’s All-Star Game were asking themselves at home after Fox elected to show President Barack Obama’s ceremonial first pitch at the 80th All-Star Game from a tight angle.
Ruling as a part-time umpire who had a good view from the pressbox at Busch Stadium, Obama’s pitch was a no-doubt-about-it ball, even factoring in an expanded strike zone for the Commander-in-Chief. Obama’s southpaw delivery was a little short of the plate, but Cardinals star Albert Pujols(notes) was able to save it by quickly scooping it up.
UPDATE: Pujols says the pitch “didn’t hit the ground.”

Great analysis.
At least Bush could throw. Here’s a great comparison vid:

I gotta say, my favorite comment on all this is from Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue, last night. He said Obama in jeans looks like his aunt Linda in jeans.
File Under: Girlie Men.

By Debbie Schlussel
Justice So-So introduces her clan (why did she forced laugh at that question–was that funny?):

Sotomayor introduces “my favorite husband of my mom, Omar Lopez.” Hmmm . . . just how many husbands did her mother have that she has a “favorite”? Just asking.

By Debbie Schlussel
It’s not often we write about women’s sports on this site (except to mock them). We prefer to focus on professional sports, which means NOT the WNBA, the LPGA tour, women’s soccer, and other such bearded lady circus sideshows.
But this is one of those rare instances that demand our attention.
Last year, I told you about then-LPGA Tour Commissioner Carolyn Bivens’ plan to require her female golf members on the tour to learn English. (In case you don’t know, LPGA stands for Ladies Professional Golf Association, but judging from the players on the tour the L might stand for something else, as in “The L Word.”)
It was something I applauded. But, predictably, after whining from tour sponsor State Farm Insurance and protests from the many foreign players on the tour and a gazillion Asian American activists who attacked her as a bigot, the women’s golf league quickly backtracked and the plan was never implemented.

Now, Bivens has been forced out as chieftess of the LPGA Tour and her support for the English-only policy has been cited as one of the major reasons for her ouster.
Sad but true, it’s a crime in America to expect your employees, your representatives to be able to speak English and actually conduct an interview with the press in the language of the country which makes you hundreds of thousands of dollars.
English in America . . . out. Political Correctnes . . . well, it’s not just in because it’s no longer just a fad. For at least a couple of decades now, it’s become a classic.
For lesbians who don’t speak English and can’t even come close to competing with the real pro golfers (men), your best bet is the next Dinah Shore Classic. Not sure how you say that in Korean.
But, hey, most of the LPGA Tour isn’t sure how to say it in English.

By Debbie Schlussel
Very interesting. Hezbollah causes some sort of weapons cache explosion in Southern Lebanon and the pandering, impotent Lebanese Army seals off the area so no one can determine just what Hezbollah was up to. Was it an accident? Or was Hezbollah testing explosives it plans to use on another party . . . like Israel? (Thanks to IMRA–the Independent Media Review & Analysis–for the tip.)
In any event, it shows that Hezbollah–shocker!–violated yet another U.N. resolution, which means that we should . . . condemn Israel. Yeah, that’s the ticket. When in doubt, blame the Jews.

A series of explosions on Tuesday in an abandoned building near Lebanon’s tense border with Israel was caused by a fire in a Hezbollah weapons depot, a Lebanese security official said.

The blasts caused no casualties, but took place on the third anniversary of the month long summer war between Israel and the Shiite group and triggered widespread panic among residents, some of whom mistook it for an Israeli air raid.
The depot in the village of Khirbet Silim, about 10 miles north of the border, was housed in an abandoned building and was likely used during the 2006 war, added the official who spoke on condition of anonymity in line with military regulations.
Lebanese soldiers and firefighters sealed the area off after the explosions to keep journalists away.
The Lebanese army issued a statement saying only that the area was sealed after an explosion in an abandoned building and that a joint committee from the military and UN peacekeepers was investigating.

UN peacekeepers. That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one. And they are known for their “investigating” skills, just as Inspector Clouseau is known for his. Hilarious. And typical.

According to Israeli security sources, the Hezbollah depot contained various of types of rockets, including Katyusha rockets, which the organization was hiding. The rockets are being stored for future use against Israel. The Israeli sources further claimed that the incident is testimony to the fact that Hezbollah continues to use Lebanese villages along the border to hide weapons among the civilian population, effectively turning them into human shields. . . .
According to Ynet’s military analyst, Ron Ben-Yishai, the explosion in south Lebanon confirms Israel’s claims that Hezbollah has reinstated its militarized activities in the area despite the explicit ban of such activities in UN Resolution 1701, issued at the end of the Second Lebanon War in August 2006.
Hezbollah committed itself not to engage in military activities in villages south of the Litani River. A UNIFIL force was deployed together with the Lebanese army in order to enforce this.

HA! Did anyone expect the UN and the Hezbo-pandering Lebanese Army to enforce anything that would hinder Hezbollah? Seriously?

January saw several rockets fired at Israel, in what Lebanon claimed was retaliation to the Israeli offensive in the Gaza Strip.

Yup, who knew? Gaza is part of greater Lebanon, and it’s Lebanon’s responsibility to serve as the . . . HAMAS army? Yes, the same Lebanon that is supposed to be investigating today’s Hezbollah explosion.

By Debbie Schlussel
A while ago, I was wondering what the nickname for Barack Hussein Obama’s new chief of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), John Morton, should be. An ICE agent suggested Mor(t)on.
And based on Mr. Moron’s first major action as our nation’s top immigration enforcement official, that’s about right. Or perhaps the understatement of the year.
Apparently, America has a ton of money for millions of new ICE agents . . . or we’ve got the illegal alien prob licked. It’s gotta be one of those because Mor(t)on told state and local police that their help in apprehending illegal aliens is no longer wanted. This, after we’ve spent gazillions in tax money training local law enforcement to do exactly just that. Hey, what’s a few more trillion down the drain, in this age of GM and Chrysler bailouts and unstimulating stimulus packages, right?

Thanks, Gringo Infidels Mor(t)on & J-No

For Keeping American Cops Off Our Asses

Janet Napolitano & John Morton, Architects of the New Invasion

(Lesbionic Woman Artwork by David Lunde/Lundesigns)
There are something like 5,000 ICE agents nationwide (and overseas). Of those, the majority, but not all, are charged with immigration enforcement. The rest are charged with enforcing customs laws and the violation thereof, and going after a number of other illegal activities–some of which, like child porn, have absolutely nothing to do with the mission of ICE and are duplicative of the efforts of other federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies.
So, let’s liberally assume that about 4,000 ICE agents are going after 20 million illegal aliens. That’s only federal agent for every 5,000 illegal aliens. And since agents aren’t allowed to drive down the streets of illegal alien dominated locales like Dearbornistan and Southwestern Detroit picking up illegal aliens, it’s far more cumbersome than even the daunting numbers.
Given that, we, of course, don’t need the help of local law enforcement, like Sheriff Joe Arpaio, right? That’s why in about 6 years of existence, ICE hasn’t made a dent in the problem. Look for that dent to get that much smaller thanks to the ICE Mor(t)on.
And make no mistake, this isn’t just his decision. This is the policy of Homeland Non-Security Secretary Janet Napolitano a/k/a “The Lesbionic Woman” and the top G himself, Barack Hussein Obama.

The Department of Homeland Security said Friday it was revising a program that authorized local police to enforce federal immigration law — a controversial aspect of U.S. border policy.
Opponents said the program, known as 287g, was intended to identify criminal aliens but instead has led to racial profiling; it allowed local police to identify and arrest illegal immigrants for such minor infractions as a broken tail light.

And this is bad because . . . ? Who cares if they were arrested for a broken tail light? If they arrested Mohammed Atta or any of his friends for a broken tail light, is there any real American who would have been upset or harmed by that?
Sorry, but profiling works. Just ask the Israelis.

Program supporters said it has been an effective tool for combating illegal immigration.
The new guidelines sharply reduce the ability of local law enforcement to arrest and screen suspected illegal immigrants. They are intended to prevent sheriff and police departments from arresting people “for minor offenses as a guise to initiate removal proceedings,” according to Homeland Security. The program will instead focus on more serious criminals.

Don’t kid yourself. This is aimed at stopping people like Joe Arpaio from trying to make their streets safer. I guess according to John Mor(t)on, the fact that Phoenix is now America’s kidnapping capital (because of illegal alien criminals) is not a problem.

“In a world of limited resources, our view is that we need to focus first and foremost on people committing crimes in our community who should not be here,” said John Morton, Assistant Secretary of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Mr. Morton said his agency would sign new contracts with local law enforcement that would bolster federal oversight.

“In a world of limited resources . . .”? Blah, blah, blah. Does this guy even listen to his own words? That’s exactly why ICE was involving local law enforcement–because it has limited resources. How, exactly, do you focus on catching “people committing crimes in our community who should not be here,” if you can’t check their immigration status when stopping someone for running a red light? Do violent illegal aliens not run red lights and only the innocent, hard-working neighborhood illegal alien gardeners commit traffic violations? I’m baffled.
It doesn’t waste a single dime for a cop to check a guy’s immigration status when he stops him for that broken tail light. And we’d all be better off for it. Yes, that’s what we need: more incompetent ICE oversight of local law enforcement who are doing the job ICE can’t and won’t. Big brother watching the cops and not the illegal aliens. I love it.
Hmmm . . . it sounds like the program was very effective, not the ”

In the past two years, more than 120,000 suspected illegal immigrants were identified through the program, and most ended up in deportation proceedings. By comparison, ICE removed 356,739 illegal immigrants from the U.S. during the fiscal year ended Sept. 30, 2008 — a 23.5% increase over the 2007 total.

Yeah, and we can’t have that. If it ain’t broke, break, er . . . “fix,” it.
Ah, and here’s the money quote:

The most active local enforcer has been Joe Arpaio, the sheriff of Arizona’s Maricopa County. He said Friday he would continue pursuing illegal immigrants, arguing that state laws allow neighborhood crime sweeps and worksite raids.
“If I’m told not to enforce immigration law except if the alien is a violent criminal, my answer to that is we are still going to do the same thing, 287g or not,” said Mr. Arpaio. His deputies have identified in jail or picked up on the streets more than 30,000 illegal immigrants in the Phoenix area. “We have been very successful,” said the five-term sheriff.
The Department of Justice is investigating whether Mr. Arpaio’s deputies have used skin color as a pretense to stop Latinos suspected of being illegal immigrants.
Mr. Obama’s policy change is expected to bolster his standing with Latinos and some Democratic legislators. The administration is seeking to set the stage for a sweeping overhaul of immigration legislation that could put millions of illegal workers on the path to U.S. citizenship.

Barf. Setting the stage for a tidal wave of Democratic rule for ever. If the Republicans nominate Sarah Palin, it’ll seal the deal.
And all of the money spent on this is now going to waste . . .

Since January 2006, more than 1,000 state and local law-enforcement officials have been certified. Many jurisdictions used those officers in jails, where they could sort through many inmates in a single shift.
Southern states account for more than 40 of the 66 existing participants. There are 42 applications pending, most of them in the South. Both Virginia and North Carolina, where the Latino immigrant population has grown, each have nine 287g agreements, more than other states.
“I think the program is working great,” said Wake County, N.C., Sheriff Donnie Harrison. “If the highway patrol brings someone to our jail, and they say they are foreign born, then they are flagged for 287g. They have committed a violation of some sort to be brought to our jail…from broken tail lights to murder and rape.” . . .
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano ordered a comprehensive review of 287g shortly after taking her post earlier this year.

Yes, more illegal aliens committing rapes, murders, and other crimes in our midst will be J-No’s legacy because she and her minion Mor(t)on don’t want local law enforcement to help out in this monumental task of enforcing immigration laws.
This is what you get when you have lawyers–not experienced cops–running important law enforcement agencies charged with the most important area of our national security: the borders.
Bush had his incompetent lawyers–Chertoff and Myers–and now Obama has his–Napolitano and Morton.
And for America, it keeps getting geometrically worse.