July 29, 2009, - 3:56 pm

A Young Celeb Who Doesn’t Go w/ the (Lefty) Flow

By Debbie Schlussel

As readers know, I do not put much weight into celebrity opinions on politics . . . even when they’re on my side.  Conservatives know that our positions on the issues are right, and we don’t need some glorified high school grad to confirm it for us.

Still, I have to say it was refreshing to read the answer of actress Melissa Joan Hart (“Sabrina the Teen Age Witch”) when she was asked what book she’s reading by People Magazine (August 3rd issue):

melissajoanhartreagan

Normally, I ‘m not a fan of Peggy Noonan.  But I do like Ronald Reagan.  I like Hart’s answer that much better because whenever I’ve been in Los Angeles, people have mistaken me for her.  Apparently, we are also alike in our admiration for the greatest American President of the last several decades.

Gee, I hope she didn’t just completely destroy any chance of resurrecting her acting career.  You know–the “tolerance” for conservatives by the liberals who dominate Hollywood competes on par with Islam’s “tolerance” of everything else.

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July 29, 2009, - 2:38 pm

Obama’s HUD “Animal Farm”: Cuts Housing Grants for Everyone Except . . .

By Debbie Schlussel

. . . those infected with AIDS/HIV in Alaska.  Their grant is not only being renewed in full, it’s being increased.  And why do they get a special housing grant in the first place?

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I feel for anyone who has AIDS . . . just as I feel for anyone who has cancer.  But in the case of those who have cancer, most of them get it due to circumstances beyond their control (yes, I know, some behaviors lead to cancer, like smoking, tanning, eating too much red meat and not exercising).  Not the case with AIDS, which is still largely behavioral–intravenous drug use, gay sex, promiscuity (with a few people who got it by accident through tainted blood transfusions).

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July 29, 2009, - 1:42 pm

HILARIOUS!: Dumb Celeb Baby Names – Target’s Suggestions

By Debbie Schlussel

As readers know, I’m no fan of people who go out of the way to “be different” and name their kids after the munchies they had when they were stoned or some other hippie thing like a season, time of day, or city.  I’ve written about this many times.  It’s child abuse.  (Read my rules for avoiding baby-naming child abuse.)

If you’re a pretentious celebrity who names your kid Bronx Mowgli, Moxie Crimefighter, Apple, or Track, it tells me a lot about you–none of it good.  You have no prob marking your kid for life.  And I’m not the only one who thinks this.  Experts in narcissism, like psychologist Dr. Jean Twenge, say that naming your kids this way is evidence of the increasing narcissist problem in America.

And you can’t blame Target for cheekily mocking the trend.  Sadly, though, even though the retailer’s ad, below–which began running in magazines this week–is a joke, I wouldn’t be surprised if these “baby names” become a trend.  Don’t be surprised if there is an Ore-Ida Jillette or Ajax Palin in the future.  Can’t wait ’til someone names their kid, “Paxil,” “Vagisil,” or “Rogaine.”  Just watch.  It’ll happen.

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July 29, 2009, - 10:50 am

I Warned You About This: Farrakhan–Yes, the “Zionists” Killed Michael Jackson

By Debbie Schlussel

Hmmm . . . Dr. Conrad Murray doesn’t look Jewish.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you about this.

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About a month ago, I told you that just days after Michael Jackson died, I was on the receiving end of mostly Muslim/Nation of Islam anti-Semitic tweets (follow me on Twitter) telling me that the “Zionist bloodsuckers” either killed Michael Jackson or came close.  I also told you how some other anti-Semites bought the site JewsKilledMichaelJackson.com just minutes after Jackson’s death was reported.  (I bought the site TheJewsKilledMichaelJackson.com to prevent that site from also being gobbled up by anti-Semitic conspiracy theorists.)

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July 28, 2009, - 2:31 pm

Don’t Believe the Hype: Shatner Palin Video Not Funny

By Debbie Schlussel

Frequent readers know I’m no fan of Sarah Palin because I think she’s a phony as a conservative and extremely ignorant.

But a video of William Shatner reading parts of her breathy farewell speech, on last night’s “Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien,” just isn’t funny.  Not in the least.  The video is a trending topic on Twitter.  But that’s only because people with zero sense of humor will laugh at anything about Palin.  There’s much to laugh at there, but not this.  They hate her for the wrong reasons (the right reasons: she’s a fraud, ignoramus, selfish, a quitter, over-rated, a feminist who shoved her husband into the emasculating Mr. Mom role, and, again, not a conservative).

Here’s the unfunny video, followed by my all-time favorite Shatner video from “Saturday Night Live” (you know the one, and if you don’t, “Get a Life”):

Get a Life:


Star Trek TOS - William Shatner SNL - Get A Life - MyVideo

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July 28, 2009, - 12:48 pm

The Fat-chelor: As America Gets Fatter, Weird Fat Chicks Shows Invade TV

By Debbie Schlussel

Nobody said America wasn’t a nation full of utter contradictions and hypocrisy.

And so it goes, today . . . with a huge dose of political correctness favoring the, um, “calorically-gifted.”

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Scene from “The Fat-chelor” a/k/a “More to Love”

Today, on the cover of USA Today (and inside many other newspapers of record, including the Wall Street Journal), the headline warns:

Obesity is a key link to soaring health tab.”

The article goes on to note that healthcare costs related to weight (heavy weight, not anorexia)–which thin, healthy people help shoulder–doubled to $147 billion for the year 2008.

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July 27, 2009, - 6:35 pm

Doomed for Divorce: Dumb Wedding Ceremony Soul Train

By Debbie Schlussel

A few years ago, without my knowledge or permission, my then-agent sent my video demo reel to a TLC show that was looking for a host.  The show was called, “Perfect Proposal,” and featured four female hosts helping a prospective fiance plan an elaborate wedding proposal scenario.

When I found out, I was against it.  I think these elaborate scenes that some guy cooks up to ask a woman’s hand in marriage are chintzy and ridiculous.  And I have a theory:  If you spend so much time and effort to ask someone to marry you, even if they say yes, your marriage is doomed to failure.  If you can’t do it in a private setting like a modest dinner out at a nice restaurant, then maybe this isn’t a match made in heaven.  So I turned down the show, but the producers pursued me relentlessly.  I still said no, despite offers of some good money.  This isn’t what I do.  And it’s against everything I think.

And I think the same way about weddings.  These people who do these stupid dances from “Thriller” or “Dirty Dancing” are idiots.  They’re making their wedding a circus act.  Yes, you’re supposed to have a band and dancing and joy.  But come on–imitating Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Pre-Nosejob Grey?  Or Michael Jackson?  Hope you had an ironclad pre-nup.  ‘Cuz I think you’re destined for divorce.  It’s just a theory.  It’s not scientific.  But I bet that if you go back after ten years of that “Perfect Proposal” show and see how many of these elaborate proposals are now divorces,  you’d see a good number of them.

These people who propose to their girl in the middle of an NBA game in front of everyone, they’re idiots.  And I don’t feel for them when she says no while the whole word is watching.  Ditto for this guy from Tulsa, who built an elaborate “Marry Me, Jenny” message using 10,000 dominoes and got rejected.

And so, it’s in this vein that I detest this stupid couple who turned their wedding procession into “Soul Train.”  The video is all the rage of the Net and is all over the morning news shows and cable networks.  But why?  It’s dumb, not to mention low-class and cheap.  And, like I said before, I hope they have a good prenup.  The divorce isn’t far off.  Just like with the “Thriller” and “Dirty Dancing” weddings.

White Men Can’t Dance

Listen to the words of the song, which include, “Double your pleasure, double your fun.”  Hey, isn’t that stolen from a gum commercial?  Why, yes, it is.  Cheesy is the understatement of the year here.  These people clearly wanted to be noticed (perhaps more than they wanted to get married), posting this on YouTube and repeating their sideshow circus wedding dance on NBC’s “Today” show.  Now, they’ll have to top it to get their whole 15 minutes.  What’s next–a sex tape?  Too late, a gazillion others have done it.  They don’t take their wedding seriously. Don’t expect their marriage to be inconsistent with that.

And notice what’s missing from the video: their marriage vows. I guess those were not as important as the bad “Dance Fever” re-run that preceded them (with apologies for insulting “Dance Fever”).

I’d love to do a government-funded study (hey, studies this irrelevant must come with a tax-funding component) on how many of these weddings end in divorces and how quickly.

I’ll bet my theory gets proven.

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July 27, 2009, - 3:52 pm

WNBA Fake Dunk Joke of the Day

By Debbie Schlussel

Last week, Business Week wrote a whole long feature on how the WNBA is “Not Just a Punch Line Anymore.”  Uh, yes, it is.

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Clownball, Season 13

For years, we here at DebbieSchlussel.com have brought you a bursting pinata full of WNBA mockery, including here and here, among many others. Yet another of its teams just folded in December. And that Weird Nuisance Brought on America–that Waste of National Broadcast Airtime–is still a joke.  Because. It’s. Not. Real. Basketball.  It really should be called the NLLNBC–the Non-Lipstick Lesbian National Basketball Coven.

And, in case you forgot about what a joke this fake “pro” sports league is, these abnormally tall man-chicks reminded you over the weekend, when all of the players of both teams stopped guarding a player during the WNBA All-Star Game (what do you call an “All Star” game with no stars in it?) and walked out of the way, so that she could make a dunk in the closing minutes of this sideshow game. Skip their BS and start watching at 34 seconds in for this monumental sports moment of our time:

Well, gee, that was such an achievement.  Almost as much of an achievement as when one WNBA player got married . . . to a man.  And another had a baby . . . through natural intercourse . . . with a man (at least we’re told that’s how it was conceived).  Both of those events got a ton of press-releasing and PR-ing from this fake sports league that no-one watches.

To remind you, Jimmy Kimmel said it best, last year, when a WNBA player achieved a dunk–the first in six years.  Apparently the commercial he made got to them and they decided to speed of their timeline of one forced, faked dunk every six years.

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July 27, 2009, - 2:21 pm

Rickey Henderson’s Ebonics Baseball Hall of Fame Speech

By Debbie Schlussel

So, yesterday, former Major League Baseball star Rickey Henderson was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York.  But it’s very sad. Dude can’t speak English. What’s up with that? And, unlike the many foreigners in Major League Baseball, he was born here. It was a nice, classy speech, but in the wrong language . . . or something.

You’d think that a guy who excelled on the baseball field and did so many interviews–one who was born in America–could speak English.  I mean even the Japanese and Hispanic guys we recruit from other nations to play in Major League Baseball can speak our language better than this guy.

Highlights from his speech:

*  He turns plural into singular.  He thanks his “daughter” (all three of them) and says, “I also want to thanks the member” of the Baseball Hall of Fame.  He practiced (“prac-sed”) his baseball “skill.”  He played for the “Oakland A” in front of “my family and friend.”  Many more examples of this during his speech.

*  Chose is now “cho-zed.”  Practiced is “prac-sed.”

*  “Mom Do Knows Best.”

*  My favorite baseball player:  Cal “Ripton,” Jr.

The rest of the speech (which is written out) is more of the same.  It’s sad.  This guy is 50 years old. And he set many records in baseball. But he couldn’t even accomplish the basic, proper English communication skill . . . er, skills. I feel sorry for him.

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July 27, 2009, - 12:41 pm

Castro Bro Gets it Half Right, Utters Wrong C-Word

By Debbie Schlussel

Can’t believe I’m saying this and I already regret it, but one-and-a-half cheers for Cuban President Raul Castro.  Actually, I’m kidding.  I don’t give any cheers to the human rights abusing Cuban dictatorship and its head honchos.

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But, incredibly, Castro finally admitted that the U.S. and our embargo against Cuba is not to blame for the country’s food shortages.  That’s something you’d never hear out of the hairy lips of bro Fidel.

But Raul Castro only gets it half right.  He blames the wrong C-word for the problems:  Cubans.  But they are not to blame.  It’s the other C-word–Communism–that is.

Introduce the free market and take away government restrictions on land-owning and farming, and Cuba will have an abundant harvest and a much better economy.

Sadly, he won’t go nearly that far.

“Raul Castro said Sunday that the global economic crisis means tougher times ahead for Cuba, but the country has no one to blame but itself for poor farm production that leads to frequent shortages of fruits, vegetables and other basics.

In a speech marking Revolution Day, Cuba’s president said the island can’t pin all its problems on Washington’s 47-year-old trade embargo. He implored Cubans to take better advantage of a government program begun last year to turn unused state land over to private farmers.

‘The land is there, here are the Cubans,’ he said, pounding the podium. ‘Let’s see if we get to work or not, if we produce or not, if we keep our word.’

The line did not get much of a response from a crowd not thrilled about working under the island’s scorching tropical sun, but the 78-year-old Castro called agricultural production Cuba’s top priority and a matter of national security.

‘It is not a question of yelling ‘Fatherland or death! Down with imperialism! The blockade hurts us,” he said, referring to U.S. sanctions begun in 1962. ‘The land is there waiting for our efforts.’

He made almost no other mention of the United States.”

We have no food shortage here in the U.S.   Yes, our government is big and resembles Big Brother all too often.  But it’s nowhere near what’s going on in Cuba.  We have capitalism.  And that’s why we have an abundance of food, and none of our leaders needs to lecture us about farming the field.

Is this a sign of a thawing of Cuba toward the U.S.?  We’ve heard that before, and it’s been about the new Castro leader.  But not much has changed.  The language has softened.  But the punishments and human rights abuses haven’t.  Nor has the absolute government control of people’s lives there.

And that’s why all of this Raul Castro rhetoric is likely more of nothing.

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