By Debbie Schlussel

There is one really good movie, new in theaters this weekend, and it’s not Mission: Impossible. Remember, you can hear my movie reviews most Fridays on “The Larry The Cable Guy Show” at around 10:35 a.m. Eastern on SiriusXM’s Jeff and Larry’s Comedy Roundup Channel 97 and every Friday on the Richard Dixon Show on Birmingham, Alabama’s Talk 99.5 at 12:30 p.m. Eastern and “The Mike Church Show” between 8:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m. Eastern on the Veritas Radio Network.

* Mission: Impossible – Fallout – Rated PG-13: This is the sixth installment of the Mission: Impossible movie series. I liked most, if not all, of the previous ones (I particularly liked Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol – read my review). But not this one. It was overstuffed, overlong, and overly confusing and nonsensical.

Sorry, but at nearly 2.5 hours, this movie was in very, very, very bad need of some editing. Waaaaay toooo loooooooong. It seemed to go on forever, with endless characters, plotlines, and confusing “twists” that weren’t exciting, but just distracting and boring. Why did they do this? Because the script and the story are weak, weak, weak. Just saying. I don’t know what’s wrong with the myriad of mainstream (a/k/a liberal) media movie critics who are raving over this, other than that they’re just plain wrong.

On top of that, while everyone’s gushing over Tom Cruise’s stunts because he does many of them himself (and got publicity for hitting a building very hard in a failed jump–yes, it’s shown here), I found it to be a little–no, a lot–over the top. Some of the stunts are simply not believable, particularly those on a mountain toward the end of the movie. There has to be some semblance of “yeah, that could happen in real life” in order to be credible. And you simply can’t suspend disbelief for some of the stuff Cruise’s character does in this movie.

Then, there was Ving Rhames. He plays Cruise’s sidekick Luther, as he has in each of the previous MI movies. But in this one, every time he opened his mouth, all I could hear was “Arby’s . . . We Have The Meats!” Yes, it’s not the filmmakers’ fault, but that TV commercial is so dominant and frequent right now and his voice so distinctive that the connection is likely made by anyone seeing this who watches even a modicum of TV.

The story: Ethan Hunt (Cruise) and his team (Rhames, Simon Pegg, etc.) join forces with CIA assassin August Walker (Henry Cavill) to stop arms dealer John Lark and his group of terrorists known as the Apostles from using nukes to attack on the Vatican, Jerusalem, and Mecca (see how Hollywood makes Christianity and Judaism morally equivalent and equal to Islam?). But the weapons go missing because Ethan is busy saving one of his sidekicks, setting off a race against time to prevent the weapons from falling into the hands of the enemy. Along the way, though, they learn that the identity of the actual enemy is a tricky proposition.

Believe me, I’m making this sound far more coherent and interesting than it actually is. Again, I was bored to tears. So sad that so much action and so many stunts were such a snoozer. A complete mess.

HALF A MARX

Watch the trailer . . .

* Eighth Grade – Rated R: This is one of the best movies I’ve seen all year and definitely so far this summer. If you’re over 55, you probably won’t like it, so don’t whine. This very funny, highly entertaining coming-of-age movie about an eighth grade girl is, at times, painful to watch and cringe-inducing, but it turns out that it’s all worth it, if you stay with it and watch until the end. This should be must viewing for all parents of teens and soon-to-be teens. (It’s rated R and isn’t for kids, though I think it’s fine for age 15 and older.)

This is refreshing in two major, very important ways that we never see from Hollywood:

First, there’s the father in this. Usually, male-hating Tinseltown serves up dads who are bums, absent, deadbeats, losers, dopes, and all-around idiots and failures. In this, the father is loving, caring, and tries his best to be a great dad. He is there for his daughter no matter what, even when she expresses the typical teen embarrassment and disgust with him. And he is a single father picking up the slack because his wife, mother of his daughter, has abandoned them.

Second, unlike many other coming-of-age movies like it, the protagonist teen in this one makes the right choices. Usually, movies glorify kids who have sex and do drugs. This one doesn’t. It positively portrays a young girl who desperately wants to be popular, but ultimately isn’t willing to compromise her morals to do so. Instead, she stands tough and resists peer pressure. I admired that this movie had the guts to show that, in an age when it seems like girls are all in training to become a Kardashian-Jenner or the next Teen Mom . . . because Hollywood and pop culture have programmed them to do so.

The story: Kayla, the daughter of a single father, is in the last weeks of eighth grade and makes videos online, in which she instructs fellow teens on how to be themselves and not compromise for popularity’s sake. But, in real life, she’s actually an introverted somewhat awkward teen who desperately wants to be popular and is barely noticed. The movie follows her travails in making online videos and in real life at middle school, where she feels she does not fit in.

But this movie is far more interesting than that simple summary. And far more insightful. What is even more amazing is that the film was written and directed by Bo Burnham, a 27-year-old comedian who began his career with YouTube videos. He captures the heart and deep thoughts and feelings of a teen girl (I was one of those, once) as if he were one.

There are no big names in this film, which is fine. The actors are all great, particularly Elsie Fisher who plays the lead, Kayla. She previously voiced one of the daughters in “Despicable Me,” another movie of which I’m a big fan (read my review – another FOUR REAGAN movie).

As for those cringe-worthy moments in this film, I think back to “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” and that was a lot more cringeworthy (such as its messages that having sex, getting pregnant, and then having an abortion are no big deal–remember “Damone”?).

It’s a shame that Eighth Grade is mostly showing only in arthouse theaters. I loved this movie.

FOUR REAGANS

Watch the trailer . . .

* Teen Titans Go To The Movies – Rated PG: This is my least favorite animated kids movie in a very long time (other than a Muslim propaganda film I saw earlier this year). It’s too bright, too loud, too giddy, and too, too, too . . . well, just too much. I found it incredibly annoying to sit through. I can’t imagine wanting your hyper kids to see this and get even more hyper. And while I can handle bathroom humor and fart jokes as much as anyone (I loooooved “Captain Underpants“–I gotta post my review of that), this had too much of that . . . and it just wasn’t funny.

I don’t get the Teen Titans hype. But I understand they have a following. For those who do not know, Teen Titans is an animated series on TV, which debuted on Cartoon Network in 2003. The Teen Titans are apparently teen superheroes and sidekicks, including Robin (from Batman). I’ve never seen it and didn’t know much about it when I went to the screening of this. And it’s just as well. I didn’t appreciate the humor, the lame storyline and plot (if you can call it that). And it just wasn’t for me. I get that it’s for kids, but I enjoy a lot of the animated kids movies I review. Most of them have stuff in them that can be appreciated by all ages, including the adults who will inevitably accompany their young kids to see the movies. But this didn’t have that. It was just a brightly-colored bore. Compared to the motion picture animated offerings today–whether by Disney Pixar or other outlets–this seemed downright amateurish and very unsophisticated. The only funny parts were the two cameos by Stan Lee.

The story: The Teen Titans go to Hollywood dreaming of starring in the movies. But they are thwarted in that effort by two parties: a female director who doesn’t want them, and a villain who plans to take over Hollywood and rule the world.

Yaaaawn. Boring.

ONE MARX

Watch the trailer . . .

* Blindspotting – Rated R: I absolutely hated this abomination. It’s violent, disgusting, and ridiculous. Not to mention, stupid and a total bore.

It figures this is getting rave reviews from mainstream (liberal) movie critics because it is heavily race-laden. The “hero”/protagonist is a Black guy who sees a White cop gun down an innocent Black man. But he can’t say anything to anyone about it because he is on his last three days of parole, was out past curfew, and doesn’t want to go back to prison. Also, he’s a rapper who responds to the “evil” White people, including the cop, using rap (which is laughable and oh so amateur hour). On top of that, his best friend, who is a lowlife criminal and a terrible influence, is a White guy who gets away with everything because, hey . . . he’s White. That’s the attitude of this movie: a Black man can’t catch a break and the world is filled with ceaseless, boundless White privilege. Boring. And total BS.

The story: Collin (Daveed Diggs) is the aforementioned parolee who sees the White cop shoot and kill the innocent Black dude. The rest of the movie follows Collin as he traverses his last three days of parole, is haunted by the shooting he saw, and continues to be friends with the evil criminal White dude. Oh, and did I mention that they are movers and just so happen to get hired by the White cop who did the shooting? Yeah, like that would happen. By the way, Collin and his thuggish White friend beat and kicked a man nearly to death (or maybe to death–the movie isn’t clear on this), but only Black Collin goes to prison for it, while his White friend skates. And, of course, the evil White man “made him” do it!

The movie is repetitive, relies on a lot of gimmicks and devices that don’t work, and is just plain stupid. I’m not sure what the point was, other than to remind us how Blacks are oppressed and Whites live the high life. Funny, there was no mention of affirmative action, minority set-asides, ObamaCare, and other government-mandated Black privilege that constitutes blatant legal de facto racism against everyone else.

This could have actually been a good, thoughtful movie that raised questions and issues and started a discussion. Instead, it’s just whiny, preachy, over-the-top garbage.

End the race-baiting, Hollywood!

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS THREE MICHELLE LAVAUGHN ROBINSON HUSSEIN OBAMA IDI AMIN DADAS PLUS TWO ISIS BEHEADINGS PLUS TWO AL SHARPTONS PLUS TWO JESSE JACKSONS PLUS ONE COLIN KAPERNICK

Watch the trailer . . .