By Debbie Schlussel

Yes, I’ve been offline for nearly three weeks, the longest I’ve ever been away, and I hope to never do that again. But I had a good reason: I was in a very serious car accident, and, while I’m okay, I’m lucky to be here and alive. I was at a light that just turned green during rush hour, going barely 10 miles per hour. The idiotic woman behind me hit me at 65 to 70 miles per hour according to the police. She admitted she was not paying attention to the road at all, and we believe she was texting. I’ve been in car accidents in my life, but never ever been hit that hard. Slammed. It really shook me up, and I’m still a little bit in shock over it.

I’m a tough chick and usually fearless, but this really hit me hard. I’ll get over it, and I’m getting over it. I’m okay, but I did have debilitating headaches from it (gone for now) and felt panicked from time to time. So that’s why I’ve been offline until now. I also have had to take increased security steps and be hyper-aware because of threats to my safety and security from the religion of peace. And it all comes at the same time. I have a lot going on professionally, and I’m back to do it, including soon-to-be-announced projects that are in the works that I am excited to tell you about in the near future. I also have a set of ongoing exclusive stories I’m going to break here, but I’ll wait for those until after InTrumpsanity-fest (tomorrow night’s GOP debate) is over. Stay tuned for those. I’ve also been working on some very intriguing international “cases of mystery” that I can’t talk about here, but I hope that someday (sooner rather than later) I will be able to. Stay tune for that, too . . . if I can. And, last, and probably least, I was once again under consideration by ABC for “The View.” More to come on that.

And now for those idiots–many of them millennials and, I believe, most of them women–who text. This woman who hit me appeared to be a millennial, though I can’t say for sure because she was overweight and that ages people. She had a handicapped sticker and license plate on her car, though the only disabilities she appeared to have was the inability to care about others’ lives and to stop eating and join a gym.

I’ve always believed that texting while driving is a lot worse than drunk driving. At least drunk drivers are watching the road a little. Texters aren’t. At least drunk drivers have the excuse that their minds are impaired from proper judgment because they’ve imbibed alcohol. Texters choose to do this deliberately because it’s far more important to text, “OMG, did you see how fugly Ashley looked in that dress? LOL!” than to pay attention to the road and spare others’ lives and limbs. Me, me, me, me, me. Your inane, waste-of-time, stream-of-consciousness BS utterings are more important than everyone else’s safety. Bleep you. Do us a favor and stay home watching the Kardashians.

This woman laughed about what she did and didn’t seem to think it was any big deal what she’d done. My car is almost undriveable, and the entire back of it is bashed and scrunched in. It took everything I had to keep from crashing into the car in front of me–I stopped literally a couple of inches away, if that. My air bags didn’t go off, either. And it panics me because I’ve read stats that a large percentage of millennials and others are texting while driving–people operating two-ton machinery and not caring enough to watch what is going on. Complete dumbasses. A few weeks ago, it was me. Today or tomorrow, it could be you.

I do, however, believe this was a message from G-d–maybe that I’m working too hard, that I am missing the important things in life. I’m sure that is part of it, and I’m cognizant of that. I got hit because I took a detour from my usual route home from court after I had to file something in a child support case (I’m representing the dad–I generally only represent men in these kinds of cases). The main road was not moving for a half hour, so I took a detour through the inner city ghetto of Pontiac, Michigan. When I was nearly home, that’s when I got slammed and smacked into. I realized as I was healing from this accident that in all of my hard work on this site, and as a lawyer and movie critic, I missed things, including the tenth anniversary of this site, which recently happened. But there really isn’t a cure for that. I’m very happy–I like what I do and wouldn’t change. But I am always busy, usually too busy. Again, there isn’t a cure for that, though. But this accident made me stop and think. I was forced to stop at least for a little bit. Until now.

So, that’s where I’ve been. But I’m okay. Like, I said, I’m a tough person–very resilient, and I’m back. I’ll be putting up all of the movie reviews I missed, over the next few days, and my usual commentary. And, very soon, I’ll be posting my exclusives on some very disturbing things the world should know about. Stay tuned.

Thanks to everyone who inquired about my welfare. There were so many e-mails, it’s heart-warming, and I’m lucky and grateful that you care. Thanks for staying with me. Since I was offline, I mostly didn’t check e-mail, and so I’m still catching up. And to those few bleeped up individuals who actually sent me hate-mail for not posting anything, really???!

To those who wrote that they hoped I was dead, happy to disappoint you. I’m here. I’m back. And you know where to go.