June 26, 2014, - 3:54 pm
Schlussel FLASHBACK: “Soccer & Michael Jackson Unite Our Enemies” & Why Soccer Sucks
Is it just me, or are you, too, sick of the hype over the FIFA World Cup and the official sport of America-haters and Islamic terrorists a/k/a soccer?
Over the years, I’ve written many posts against the game of soccer, including my post about how “Michael Jackson & Soccer Unite Our Enemies.” Usually the countries who love either–but especially both–hate us, I noted back in 2005 and in tweets last week (follow me on Twitter).
As I noted back in 2005:
It’s part of a secret international IQ test. Post 9/11, if you love freedom and decency, you have no interest in either the silly game of low scoring and the bizarre has-been-pop-star-come-plastic-surgery-victim. If you hate America and love terror, soccer and Michael Jackson are the best things since sliced bread (if you’re from those countries who hate us and haven’t yet emerged into the advanced era of sliced bread, then they are the best things since whole pita with hummus).
The growing interest in soccer in America, especially in the current World Cup competition is a sign of a few things: more foreigners–especially illegal aliens–in America, more liberals, and more self-hating Americans (but then I repeat myself).
Yes, yes, I know–the Israelis love soccer. Well, they are in the Middle East and near Europe. And there are exceptions to every rule. But most other countries that love soccer hate Israel as much as the United States . . . or more.
And five of eleven players on the U.S. Soccer Team players weren’t even born here. They are full-blooded Americans, because their fathers were serving in the U.S. Armed Forces when they were born. But still, they were clearly influenced by their somewhat foreign upbringing. The U.S. coach? He’s German.
It’s ironic that yesterday was the fifth anniversary of the death of the King of Pop and it’s at the same time as the World Cup competition. It’s the intersection of two events that unite America-haters. Toward the end of his life when Michael Jackson could not get arrested in America (unless he was suspected of child molesting), he was still popular in Europe and the Middle East, the places that ain’t too fond of the rest of us Americans. Just sayin’.
Soccer’s a kind of cultural IQ test. If you’re American and you claim to like soccer, you are either very liberal (and an Obama voter) or lying or both. Soccer lovers in America try to pretend that this is a “higher” sport than American football and safer. In fact, soccer players get plenty of concussions, and yet no one is singing a soccer-esque version of the new anti-football country song, “Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Quarterbacks.”
Oh, and don’t forget that HAMAS has soccer leagues and names its teams after terrorists. Yeah, GUH-REAT sport! Alhamdulilah [praise allah].
Don’t let the mindless World Cup hype get in the way. This World Cup stuff ain’t like the U.S. Hockey Team in 1980 at the Lake Placid Olympics. Not even close.
And the Al-Qaeda or ISIS soccer team–if there was one–would probably cream us. That’s because it’s not a game worth winning or even excelling at.
And, so, I maintain that soccer still sucks as it always has.
Football and hockey are where it’s at.
Tags: FIFA World Cup, i hate soccer!, soccer, soccer anti-American, Soccer sucks, Sports
You lost your mind with this one. It’s a sport don’t get so upset over it. Sit back and relax.
Harbinger on June 26, 2014 at 4:00 pm