By Debbie Schlussel

There is only one new movie in theaters today, “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.” And this fifth Paranormal Activity movie is aimed primarily at Hispanics. It is directed by Christopher Landon, son of the late actor Michael Landon a/k/a Eugene Maurice Orowitz. With illegal alien amnesty on the horizon, look for more schlocky movies like this made for Hispanics. It’s a shame Hollywood doesn’t think they (Hispanics, not illegals)–and I–deserve better than this junk.

This movie is an omen of things to come, as Latinos grow in moviegoing power and drive what Hollywood produces. Last year, I told you about, “Instructions Not Included,” another low-budget film aimed at Hispanics–that one in Spanish–which dominated the top five movies in ticket sales for weeks. The makers of the Paranormal Activity movies noticed that they have a large Latino fan base, so they made a sequel–this one–aimed at them. Almost all of the actors are Hispanic, and one of them–a grandmother–only speaks Spanish. Although she appears only briefly, the filmmakers decided not to provide subtitles for those of us who no hablo–and no comprendo—Espanol, like me.

Not only is this movie low-budget, it makes sure you know it. The plot is silly, it’s not very scary–it’s supposed to be a scary movie, and it’s slow and boring, even though it’s only 75 minutes long. I felt like a time bandit robbed 75 minutes of my life (plus a ton of driving time in a snow storm to make it to the screening) that I’ll never get back.

The story: A group of late teen Latino kids who’ve just graduated from high school live in an apartment complex in California and discover that one of the apartments is haunted. It was inhabited by a woman who practiced witchcraft and was found dead inside. They frequent the crime scene, and, soon, one of them, the high school valedictorian, discovers he has super powers and is being haunted by supernatural forces. Believe me, I’m making it sound far more exciting than it actually is. Of the Paranormal Activity movies–and I’ve seen and reviewed all of them–I liked this one the least (tied for worst with the very first one).

Skip this. Vamos mis amigos . . . far away from this movie.

THREE MARXES

Watch the trailer . . .