March 19, 2009, - 10:24 am
Advice Seeker of the Day
By Debbie Schlussel
You’d be surprised how many people e-mail me asking for advice–advice on their marriage, their boyfriend, girlfriend, kids, what have you. Usually I decline, saying that this is not my area of expertise and unlike “Dr.” Phil, Oprah, and the rest of the hacks in our pop culture, I’m not going to pretend I know how they should run their lives, unless they are public figures who make their lives our business or what they are doing has bad effects on our society, like Islam, baby daddies/mamas, and taking your young kids to see “Friday the 13th.”
But in this case, I just couldn’t resist responding because the real problem seemed obvious to me. I initially thought this was a set-up by some lefty or Muslim, trying to get me to say something they could use against me. But after looking into the sender, I actually think it’s legit. And I’m surprised. I think it says something about the state of parenting in America today. If I wanted to disobey my parents, my dad would tell me that it’s his house, his money, and if I didn’t like it and didn’t obey, I could go live somewhere else and that he was gonna cut off all funding of everything but food, hygiene, and school supplies. Or he told me he’d ground me.
But parents, today, just don’t have the guts to do that. It’s hard work and it’s mean, and some people just want to be liked, not respected. In many cases, today’s parents just wanna be friends with their kids. And that’s why we have a lot of the problems we have.
From a reader:
Hi Debbie!
I’m not sure if you’ll have time to read and respond to this, I know you’re very busy (Keep up the great work!), but I have a small problem I’d love for you to weigh in on. Recently a family moved in next door to me and I think they might be Arabs. I was prepared to ignore them, but recently my eleven-year-old son has started to spend time with their daughter. I have told him to stay away from her and he won’t listen.
My wife and I have been trying to think of a way to tell this family that they don’t belong in the neighborhood and that they should live somewhere else with their own people. We can’t think of a way that will not get them angry or violent. Since I’ve admired your no-nonsense approach to the whole Arabs in America problem, I was hoping you could give me a better idea of how their minds work, and how I could get rid of them so they don’t corrupt my boy.
Thank you and God bless
My response:
You can’t, won’t, and refuse to discipline your 11-year-old son, who won’t obey his parents?! That’s the real problem. If you can’t put your foot down with your own kid, your neighbors are not the problem, you are. You are putting a roof over his head, feeding and clothing him, and probably driving him to school. Yet, you can’t get him to listen to you? Again, this is the problem.
You wanted my no-nonsense approach. You got it. Put your foot down.
Also, just b/c they are Arabs doesn’t mean they are bad. Muslims are bad. They may be Christian and not Muslim.
None of that matters, though, if you won’t exercise your parental authority over your own kid.
So, was I too tough? Perhaps not tough enough.
Debbie as usual hit the nail on the head. There is no way on earth I could manage 7 kids if I didn’t maintain strict authority over each of them. And at least in my house my kids are scared of my or my husbands disappointment in them. That helps them tow the line and will hopefully serve them well in their respective futures.
MarySJ on March 19, 2009 at 11:07 am