By Debbie Schlussel
**** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE ****
The big pop culture story around America revolves around another show I make it a point not to watch, ABC’s “The Bachelor.” Why is this show still on? Oh, yeah–free labor in the form of skanks and himbos who voluntarily make out on TV for base American voyeurs with nothing better to do. To the people that watch this show, I wonder, why do you care about any of these people? Is your life that empty that you must watch these nobodies engaged in stupidity?
Apparently, the latest “Bachelor,” Jason Mesnick–a divorced father, broke up with the one skank to which he was engaged, and asked the other skank he dumped to come back to him. This all took place on national TV, last night and the night before. And all the low-lifes in America who watch this garbage are upset. I mean, how dare a guy who goes on a show with 25 women voluntarily joining his harem on national TV, actually treat these women like members of the harem that they are? The nerve.

Shocker: A Reality TV Himbo Treats Skanks Like Skanks
Attention, girls: You go on a national TV show to make out for the cameras and “share a fantasy suite” (euphemism) with a guy you barely know, along with 24 other skanks just like you, then that’s how you’ll be treated. Act like a ho, get treated like one. Not sure why people are all up in arms about a himbo guy dumping someone on a show that always results in a himbo guy dumping someone. The women who go on this show deserve whatever they get. And so do the mind-numbed Americans who watch it.
The people I really like on this dumb reality show are the parents of the dumped girl, “Melissa.” They refused to participate in “The Bachelor” show, on which the “semi-finalists”‘ (semi-finalists to become losers) parents and family meet the prospective “fiance.”
Those parents have class, and they love their daughter more than she loves herself. And–shocker!–she got dumped and hurt on national TV, just like they probably feared.
Father–and mother, in this case–know best. But not the father who was the latest ABC “Bachelor.” If I were his son, Ty, I’d be embarrassed.
If you go on this show, you’re a moron. And you deserve to be treated like one.
**** UPDATE: Reader Ari writes this excellent, hilarious analysis:

About the Bachelor, you forgot to mention a few things:
First off, he was a weepy girlie-man. He must have broken down crying about six times that I saw.
Second, he gave a terrible reason why he dumped the one girl and took the other. Normally, I wouldn’t comment on this kind of thing. If he had said that he dumped the first one because her toenails were too short, or her voice was annoying, or that she scratches her ear too often, I wouldn’t comment. All of those are dumb reasons. But they are not worthy of comment. If he wants to be superficial, he can give a superficial reason.
Instead he gave a reason that sounds, at first glance, as if it’s not superficial. But it’s really the most superficial reason of all. He said he needs to follow his heart. WHAT A TERRIBLE REASON. People follow their hearts entirely too much in this society. Entirely. They need to follow their brains more often. You think you love another woman more? Well get over it. Guess what, there are billions of other women in the world. I guarantee he’s going to want to sleep with a few thousand of them in the future. He’s a guy. That’s a guy’s nature. But you have to be a MAN, and not follow your heart. That will always lead you astray. Pathetic.
Now, I bet you’re wondering why I watched this crap. I don’t want to go into that right now, but I had a pretty good reason to do so.