By Debbie Schlussel

As you know, today is Valentine’s Day, the greeting card/floral/chocolate-industry mandated “holiday” on which every poor schnook guy must rush to the store to get something for his girlfriend or wife, or be in the doghouse for the next year.  I’ll write more about that later.  For now, though, CNN gave the world a good laugh by saying that the people of Hezbollah nation–the Lebanese–are the Sixth most romantic people in the world, ahead of Americans.  The laughable, ridiculous article–which cites Lebanese Arabs’ “liberal application of hair gel” as an aphrodisiac?!–has since been scrubbed from the CNN website, but with the magic of Google cache, it’s still visible for now. And all the Lebanese newspapers, like the Daily Star, are crowing about their fictional romanticism.

Huh? CNN Says Hezbollah’s Girlieman Leader Hassan Nasrallah & Supporters “6th Most Romantic”

Nasrallah Girlie Man by (David Lunde/Lundesigns)

I guess having four wives and temporary marriages for the purpose of sex (called mut’a or nikah mut’ah) in which the woman has no rights and is merely a sex slave–both common practices of Hezbollah’s Sh’ite Muslims–could be considered “romantic” in some circles.  But for everybody else, nuh-uh.  Yes, I know that there are some Jew-hating, Israel-hating Christians and Sunnis still left in Lebanon, but the country is basically Hezbollahstan now, and Hezbollah and Shi’ites run the place.  And don’t forget the Sunni chicks in full-ninja romance gear (see photo at the bottom). (I guess, also, that CNN forgot about the ban on Valentine’s Day in many Muslim circles.)

Here’s more from CNN’s hooked-on-crack perspective:

Lebanese:

They are different from the rest of the Arab world and they know it. Blessed with olive skin, soulful dark eyes and smoldering looks (not to mention a penchant by some for surgical enhancement), the Lebanese make full use of their physical attributes.

Yeah, they do . . . once the rhinoplasty has fully healed.

Combine this with Beirut, the region’s most liberal capital with a ton of slick nightspots, and you have the ingredients for a host of sexy, but classy, encounters.

“Sex, but classy, encounters?” Really? Is that how you describe an arranged marriage as wife #3 in the Hezbollah-controlled section of Beirut?

Just wear something bright — there’s a fair chance he’ll be wearing expensive shades. Seduction secret: Liberal application of hair gel and a designer shirt.

I think they forgot the part about the designer shirt being unbuttoned to the belly, with mucho chest hair, heavage, and medallions exposed. Uh-huh, VERY sexy and romantic . . . if it’s 1980 and your name is Tony Montana. But for the rest of the real world: cheesy and revolting, which can also be said for the key accessory there: Jew-hatred.

Oh, and the Crescent News Network’s Duncan Forgan is far less charitable to Americans, who decades ago moved past “liberal application of hair gel”:

Look past the Crocs, morbid obesity and Lycra-clad wrestlers.

Um, who still wears Crocs? (Proud to say, I’ve never owned a pair.) I mean other than that fat liberal chef from TV who fed the Occupy Wall Street crowd.

But let’s be honest, unlike the Coran News Network, CNN. American men are the romantic ideal (or were before feminism started to take over). It’s the reason our men are the biggest stars around the world. It’s why everyone aspires to be the Stetson guy or the Marlboro man, why there were “spaghetti westerns” modeled after American westerns, and why, despite their hatred for us, Marlboro cigarettes–with their branded American cool–are the most popular smokes in the Muslim world.

No “Big Arab Love” for me or most sane women anytime soon. Ick. Not romantic. Not sexy. Despite what PC CNN might claim.

Tall, Dark, and Terrorist–not hot.

Sunni Romance