By Debbie Schlussel
This weekend’s weak new box office offerings send a message: Save your movie money until Christmas Day. Hollywood saved some great flicks for then. So many good ones on one day–that’s a rarity for decades. My reviews for Christmas Day movies will either appear on Christmas Eve or by Midnight that night–but there’s a lot I liked. Stay tuned. Until then, here’s the substandard leftovers keeping some seats warm at your local cineplex:
* “Seven Pounds“: Will Smith stars in what is, at best, suitable for a Hallmark Channel movie of the week–and even then it’s shallow and silly by comparison. In this manipulative, maudlin, cloying movie–so long, it made me fall asleep–he plays IRS agent Ben, who mysteriously has the time to drive around all day in an unmarked cop car Crown Vic playing G-d and granting people in need extensions on their IRS taxes. Gee, and I thought you just had to fill in the form, and they gave you ’til October.

And that’s not the only inconsistency and truth-challenging aspect of this preposterous, boring plot. Smith checks into every aspect of the late filers’ lives. And he acts like a creep, calling a blind steak company telemarketer (Woody Harrelson) and harassing him for being blind, telling him he bets he’s still a virgin. This is supposed to be a touching, do-good movie? Whatever.
Oh, and there was so much loud, emotional background music (um, it’s supposed to be in the background) telling me I’m supposed to cry or say “awww,” I wanted to vomit.
One of the people he stalks–in this movie, it’s not stalking, it’s do-goodery Obama-style–is Rosario Dawson, in need of a new heart. Suddenly, she’s his love interest in possibly one of the most annoying, sappy relationships I’ve seen in all chick flicks and Lifetime Network programming combined. Just couldn’t take it, or the rest of this slow, boring movie.
Not Will Smith’s best work. Maybe he should go back to praising Hitler and whining about how White America hasn’t accepted him (yet makes him the highest-paid, most successful movie star on the planet by paying ten bucks to see schlock like this). Absolute dreck.
ONE MARX

* “Yes Man“: Gee, I saw this Jim Carrey movie before, and it was called, “Liar, Liar”–and the first time around it was funny and entertaining. This time, it’s just a complete waste of your ten dollars and time. Jim Carrey’s act is old, and that’s why he gives us a substandard repeat of his shtick. Been there, seen that, laughed more.
Carrey plays a boring bank loan officer and misanthrope with no girlfriend, who is stuck in the same job forever, bitter about his ex-girlfriend, and just plain negative and going through the motions. He runs into an old friend who is in on one of these self-help cults, like Tim Robbins followers. The guru tells everyone to say yes to everything. Soon, Carrey finds that saying yes has found him a new, beautiful love interest, a promotion at work, and friendship and love all around. But it also gets him into hot water.
Yes, there are plenty of funny moments in this movie, but plenty are just plain dumb. And I’m sorry, but he and this movie lost me after the absolutely tasteless scene, in which Carrey accepts oral sex from his elderly neighbor as a thank you for fixing her shelves. We’re shown her taking out her dentures and Carrey noisily going through this disgusting scene. Um, no thanks.
The funniest thing going in this movie is Rhys Darby, the English actor who plays Carrey’s nerdy, Harry Potter-obsessed boss. Possibly worth it just to see him. But not really.
ONE MARX