By Debbie Schlussel

When I was a freshman at The University of Michigan, the thuggish, long-haired, far-left hippie in a punk band teaching assistant of my  English class reduced a grade on my paper by a full grade because I used the word, “Congressman, ” and not the gender neutral, “Congressperson.”  I told him, “This is a bunch of verbal manure . . . or is that, ‘personure?'”  Thomas Sowell found out about it and mentioned it in one of his syndicated columns.  It was ridiculous, but at the time Michigan had an absurd “inclusive” language policy, which stated that if you used words like “he,” or “fireman,” or, even “mother,” you were being “uninclusive,” and therefore, you were somehow a bigot.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  But leftists get off on being the language and speech police. Stretching the limits on political correctness is their ultimate aphrodisiac.

Scary Timothy Jean Corvidae: “Ze” is the University of Michigan’s Speech Police

And, so, it’s no surprise that my alma mater is once again involved in this ridiculous  language orthodoxy.  While our Islamic enemies are teaching their kids to use guns, rig IEDs, and destroy us, some gender-ambiguous bizarro in the University of Michigan School of Social Work, Timothy Jean Corvidae, who wants the University to get rid of the use of gender specific pronouns like “he” and “she” in favor of “Ze.”  Corvidae is both a student and on the University of Michigan staff. The fact that Corvidae has a man’s name, but identifies on her/his/its/ze’s Facebook page as a woman (where he/she/it/ze looks like a pre-op male-to-female transsexual) interested in dating women, might have something to do with it. (It’s creepy to see a photo, above, of he/she/it/ze hugging a kid.)

Sadly, the University faculty Senate is considering the measure to get rid of the pronouns, and could refer it Michigan’s President for approval.  Yes, “Idiocracy,” ain’t just a movie or our future.  It’s our present.  And, frankly, if they don’t identify with any of the genders, what if they identify with pedophiles or those who engage in bestiality.  They need to feel “included” in our language, too, don’t they?  It’s only fair if we’re gonna subvert English to the warped sexual urges and identities of every weirdo minority on earth. Maybe they can use the words “horse” and “camel” or “molesta [my new slang, hip word for child molestation, b/c who are we to judge that it’s not cool, right?]” as adverbs.  “Molesta” went to the store with “camel’s” daughter.  “Molesta” didn’t have enough money to pay for candy for “camel daughter.” Yup, that’s, um, “gender neutral,” and is a whole lot more entertaining than “ze,” which just sounds like some former Nazi hiding in South America.

Timothy Corvidae is a student in the University’s School of Social Work. Corvidae doesn’t identify with any specific gender and uses the pronoun “ze” instead of “she” or “he.”

Yup, and far left professors are actually going along with this instead of failing this candy-ass like he/she/it/ze deserves. Uh-huh, exactly the type of “social worker” and future psychologist you want–someone who is that confused and insanely obsessed with gender pronouns.

Corvidae is a member of a group of people on campus who face language barriers as a result of their decision to not identify with a specific gender. Though these individuals represent a minority of students, their cause has recently made its way to the forefront of campus discussion.

Barriers? What barriers? Either you know how to speak English or you don’t.

Recently the Michigan Student Assembly passed a resolution to recommend removing gender-specific language from the Statement of Student Rights and Responsibilities and some students and professors are discussing mandating the use of gender-neutral language in University classrooms.

Ah, the far left Michigan Student Assembly. When I served on this “august body,” I was considered extreme far right for opposing similar language police declarations. They wanted to kick me off, but couldn’t.

In its simplest form, gender-neutral language encompasses the use of the singular “they” as well as non-binary pronouns like ze, in place of the traditional he/she. This form of speech eliminates any word with connotations of gender like “chairman,” opting instead for the nonexclusive “chair.”

Yup, even the Republican Party, nationally and in Michigan, has already adopted using a piece of furniture as a faux-title, so, in essence, these nuts have basically already won or are on home stretch.

Corvidae said finding alternatives to the traditional gendered language is important because there is an intense level of exclusion in texts that only use binary language.

“I don’t identify either way (as male or female),” Corvidae said. “When I read texts that use him or her, I feel like, ‘Where am I in this text?’ And it’s as though I’m invisible.”

If only. Where are you? You’re not in the insane asylum, where you desperately belong.

Anne Hermann, interim chair of the Women’s Studies Department, said eliminating gendered undertones is essential to ensure fairness in language.

Getting rid of tenure for useless lesbian weirdos who teach worthless BS like this is essential to ensure fairness in education . . . or, rather, any education at all. And fairness for humans and Western society, for that matter.

“If I were the ‘chairman’ of the Women’s Studies Department, there would be this incredible disconnect between my title and who I am,” she said. “And I would be constantly reminded that I’m not really supposed to be in my position.”

OMG, I’m laughing my butt off. Is this for real? Am I actually reading this bad SNL skit?

Noah Meeks is a volunteer at the Spectrum Center — the University’s office for LGBT affairs. Meeks said traditional debates over gender have been limited to eliminating language associated with men in situations that are meant to be all encompassing.

“We rejected ‘he’ as an all-encompassing pronoun,” he said. “With ‘him or her,’ we need to recognize that some people don’t identify with either, and although there are few of them, they still need to be accounted for.”

Um, yeah, some people don’t identify with the human species, and there’s a loony bin and medications ready to go. It’s not the language that needs to be altered. It’s some people . . . with shock therapy.

“There’s more awareness, more openness and more resistance to the idea of a binary gender system,” he said.

In recognition of non-gendered students on campus, the Michigan Student Assembly passed a resolution to amend the Statement of Student Rights and Responsibilities to use gender-neutral language exclusively as part of a package of recommendations to the student code.

The resolution is currently being reviewed by the Senate Advisory Committee on University Affairs — the leading faculty governing body on campus — and if passed, will continue to University President Mary Sue Coleman for final approval.

Loren Sherry, assistant director of the Spectrum Center, helped to compile the resolution. He said that when he went through the approximately 10-page Statement and replaced every use of binary language with a gender-neutral alternative, he was very specific about the choices he made.

TEN pages for this BS?! Just draw a picture of a man with his penis cut-off (and Western civilization and the classics with their penises cut off). That only takes one page. And it says the same thing.

In addition to the work by MSA and other student groups, in interviews last week many professors said they agree that gender-neutral thinking should be used in the classroom.

Robin Queen, professor of linguistics, wrote in an e-mail interview with The Michigan Daily that educators should promote awareness about the exclusionary aspects of language.

“The main issue, in my opinion, is to help writers (be they students, administrators, instructors or staff members) become aware that there are choices to be made and that those choices have consequences,” Queen wrote in the e-mail.

Yeah, the choice to drop out of Michigan and go to a real university where they give you an education instead of subjecting you to this insane bullcrap. And the consequences that an “education” not even worthy of a Jonestown cult might some day cause people to wake up and stop funding these people with their tax money (Michigan is a public university relying heavily on state and federal funds and grants).

Corvidae said teaching gender-neutral language is an important step because so many people are unaware of how to handle gender in their speech.

“One of the biggest challenges with gender-neutral language is that people don’t know how to use it,” Corvidae said. “They feel embarrassed if they don’t know how to read people’s gender because that’s something that’s really important in our society.”

Ding, ding, ding. You finally came close to reality. This whole episode is an embarrassment. I’d be embarrassed in the presence of anyone using “ze” as a pronoun. It’s bad enough to hear someone call themselves the “chair.”

Corvidae said using gender-neutral language in the classroom allows students a “safe setting” to practice non-exclusionary speech.

A safe setting? PUH-LEEZE. If I’m an Islamic terrorist, that giant swamp of limpness epitomized by humans is gonna be my first target. Ze-hu Akbar, Ka-Boom.

Aric Knuth, lecturer in Department of English, said though he is often skeptical of new policies, he was surprised to hear no policy is in place.

“It surprised me because we are people who are in the business of language,” he said. “And we understand how language interacts with and often represents other kinds of big intellectual problems in our lives.”

Uh, dude, the big intellectual problem is that you have a job teaching English in the United States of America.

Despite the lack of an official policy, professors continue to encourage the exploration of different language options.

The Department of English ruled in favor of the singular “they” as grammatically correct, and many professors in the Women’s Studies Department implement gender-neutrality into their curriculum to some extent.

LSA junior Kelsey Sovereign said gender-neutral thinking is strongly encouraged in her women’s studies classes.

“In our society you often are either designated as a man or a woman, but we talk about not necessarily labeling things as one or the other,” she said.

She’s right. Tomorrow, I’m gonna stop being unfair to bananas and call them soda. And apples, well . . . it’s not nice to exclude them from the meat group. Gonna call ’em steak.

She also said that specific assignments often call exclusively for gender-neutral language.

Wow, someone’s parents are blowin’ a whole lot of money.

Keith Reisinger, graduate student instructor for the Women’s Studies Department, said the issue reaches far beyond any departmental policy or the confines of the University.

“I think we as a whole need to change how we talk about gender and people,” he said.

Me, too. About Mr. Reisinger, “ze” is an idiot.

Like I said, our enemies are teaching their kids how to kill us, and we’re too busy destroying masculinity, gender roles, and the English language with this absurd exercise in the trivial. And we wonder why they hate us.

This is a sliver of why.