By Debbie Schlussel

So you read my review of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and you don’t care if I spoil the movie for you? Well, you were forewarned. Read at your own risk . . .

* Batman Beats Superman: As I already hinted at in my review of this movie, Batman nearly kills Superman in the fight between them. This isn’t believable. Superman has incredible powers, including the ability to fly at the speed of light and incredible strength in so many forms. Batman has a cape, a weird car, and a butler. Who do you think would really win? Hands down, we know it would be Superman. But, in this movie, Batman beats Superman senseless, and he doesn’t even really need that Kryptonite spear he uses at the end. He would kill Superman, but is stopped by the begging of Lois Lane and the fact that Superman is calling out the name, “Martha,” which Batman says is his mother’s name, too.

* Superman Dies at the End of This Movie: Yes, Superman “dies,” but not at the hands of Batman. He’s fighting the half Kryptonian, half human monster created by Lex Luthor, and though he finally prevails, it comes at a physical cost. We see two funerals, one for Clark Kent in Smallville and one for Superman, with a Superman insignia-laden coffin and a giant procession of law enforcement and military personnel in Gotham. Both are buried, so my question is: how did they have two bodies for these coffins? It can’t be. One has to be empty. But they don’t show you that.

Don’t worry about Supe’s disappearance, though. The movie sets the stage for his comeback and shows that he’s probably still alive in Clark Kent’s coffin. Hey, they have zillions of dollars to make in sequels!