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March 28, 2014, - 6:37 am

Noahcide: “Noah” Movie is More Like “Game of Thrones” Than Bible; Better Title: “Not Noah”

By Debbie Schlussel

Hollywood committed Noahcide. They killed the Biblical story in favor of a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals*, soap opera, action film version of what bears little resemblance to the Bible version.

The new movie, “Noah,” in theaters today, would be better called a host of other things: “Game of Thrones Noah,” “The Noah-dashians,” “Dysfunctional Family Noah.” Or just plain, “NOT Noah.”

As a kid in a religious Jewish day school, I learned the Noah chapter of Genesis in its original Biblical Hebrew. And, so, I was confused when I screened this film earlier this week and saw something that directly contradicts what the Bible says in plain language about Noah and his family. Instead of G-d telling Noah to build an ark, take his sons and their wives, and enough pairs of animals to repopulate the world, I saw a genocidal, homicidal, action hero Noah (Russell Crowe) bent on destroying the human race and on a mission to murder his twin granddaughters whom his oldest son had with some random babymama Noah rescued as a child from a pillaged village, destroyed by non-vegetarians. He says “the Creator” wants all humans destroyed because they are bad, but not animals because only they are good. Huh?

Where the heck is this in the Bible? Nowhere.

I also watched various half love-scenes between Noah’s eldest son and the babymama and between Noah’s second son and some other chick whom Noah refuses to allow aboard the ark. Noah’s younger two sons are angry with him because they don’t have any women. But Noah tells them this is because G-d ordered him to destroy the human race and to murder any female grandchildren that are born. The younger two sons want, instead, to marry their two new twin nieces to continue the human race. Again, huh? The Bible makes clear that Noah’s three sons were married before (probably well before) the flood began and that they took their wives with them aboard the ark. And it makes clear that G-d did want the human race to continue with Noah’s descendants. Noah wasn’t a genocidal, homicidal, vegetarian maniac the way this movie claims he was or an action hero warrior on the order of “300.” In fact, the Bible says he was a righteous man who found favor in G-d’s eyes and who was, at the time, 500 years old.

The Bible says that G-d wanted to destroy most of humankind because they were evil and engaged in every bad thing imaginable. But, in this movie, the wicked are warriors who eat meat. Noah and his family are vegetarians who only eat plants. Noah tells his sons that the bad guys kill an animal and eat it because they don’t know that “their strength comes from the Creator.” Like I said, it’s the PETA Noah, not the real thing.

And that’s another problem with this movie. The name “G-d” or “Lord” is never once mentioned. It’s only “the Creator.” At first, I thought it was great that Noah recognizes a higher power, but the movie’s constant bizarre dream sequences of the snake and the apple and other stuff makes it soon appear that “the Creator” in this movie is like some sort of New Age solstice god. It’s weird.

And there’s Harry Potter stuff and science fiction, too, here. Methuselah, Noah’s grandfather (Anthony Hopkins), is some sort of wizard who can cast spells and do amazing magic. Huh #346,254. A giant plot point consists of science fiction-like, giant monsters made of stone and fire, who are fallen angels known as “the Watchers.” They protect Noah and his family and kill battling warriors opposed to Noah. Again, where is this in Genesis?

Also not in Genesis: Noah’s fight against a warrior nemesis who leads armored legions of men to fight against Noah in many action-packed sword fights and sequences. The nemesis sneaks onto the ark and plots with Noah’s middle son to murder Noah. Oh, and he tempts and gets Noah’s son to eat the forbidden cooked animal meat. Um, wasn’t the snake and the apple thing from Adam and Eve’s portion of the Bible? Just asking.

Since several scenes show Noah’s nemesis melting and burnishing metal into armor, axes, and swords, I was puzzled and asked a friend of mine if they had metal work at that time. My friend said he believed that Noah might have been in the Bronze Age. But, then, I asked my friend if Noah took place in the Skinny Jeans Age because his wife (Jennifer Connelly) wears some really cool skinny jeans that look like she just bought ’em from H&M or Forever 21. And I want a pair.

That’s the thing with this Non-Noah version of “Noah.” There’s nothing right about it. It looks like two uneducated Jews In Name Only–Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel, who wrote this abominable crap–just slapped together a bunch of genres (action warrior, soap opera, science fiction) they see in modern films with the sexy costumes to match.

But the movie has almost absolutely no resemblance to the Noah you and I read in Genesis. On top of that, at nearly 2.5 hours long, it’s slow and boring. The real Noah story is a beautiful one that doesn’t need Hollywood “adornment”–and it would have been half as long.

Time for Aronofsky and Handel to go back to Hebrew school. They failed miserably.

“Noah” is NOT Noah.

* NOTE: On this site, we call PETA, “PUTAh” (People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals and humans) because we believe in truth in advertising.

FOUR MARXES PLUS

Watch the trailer . . .

Tags: #Noahmovie, Anthony Hopkins, Ari Handel, Bible, Biblical Hebrew, Darren Aronofsky, Game of Thrones Noah, Genesis, Jennifer Connelly, Jews In Name Only, JINOs, Methuselah, Noah, Noah Movie, Noah Movie review, Noah review, Noah-dashians, Noahcide, not Noah, PETA, PETA Noah, Russell Crowe, the Creator, The Watchers

70 Responses

What is sad is everybody under 30 will go see it because that’s what they’ve been told is the thing to do this weekend.Alot of them will think this is actualy biblical.This well encourage hollywood to make more biblialy slanderous films rewriting the bible stories to fit their agendas.The next 1 will be about Adam and Steve.

They want”Passion of the Christ” sucess but not to be associated with the religous values they consider icky .In “Noah’s” case it would be the Judeo-Christian Values

gordez on March 28, 2014 at 7:23 am

I suspect that Darren Aronofsky is ill suited to conceive a biblical epic. From what I getting in DS’s review is that this film might as well be called “Noah the Barbarian”, “Noah Even Once” (read further for a better explanation) or “Noah: the First Hippie”. This is the man whose other projects include “Requiem for a Dream” (a hard watch) and the “Not Even Once” ads for the Montana Meth Project (very powerful, IMO).

But if you want a good idea where Aronofsky’s head may have been when he filmed “Noah Even Once”, check out this link… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/darren-aronofsky/genesis_b_5037704.html?utm_hp_ref=canada&ir=Canada

(Disclosure – I have a HuffPost profile there. Got myself a couple of fans in the process. It’s a start.)

So… YouTube or Netflix binge-watching may be in the cards this weekend.

The Reverend Jacques on March 28, 2014 at 8:02 am

From Charlton Heston to this, in just over half a century!?!

Of course the Ten Commandments came out at a propitious time — the Commies and most related lefties had recently been expunged from Hollywood, and the few leftists associated with the movie were kept on a tight leash.

But they’ve come back with a vengeance.

Little Al on March 28, 2014 at 8:05 am

These screen writers and producers are pigs, plainly and simply. I look forward to their blockbuster interpretation of a narrative in the Koran. These Hollywood elites have no fear, right? They pride themselves on being iconoclasts Let’s see how bold they will be in mangling a Muslim religious story.

Dina k. on March 28, 2014 at 9:17 am

They won’t even try.

Pray Hard on March 28, 2014 at 9:23 am

Or how bold they’ll be when islam finally takes over in the US and Sharia law is the law of the land (at their demand) and their world come crumbling down and it’s either put on a burqa or lose their head. I guess that would definitely take a bite out of the plastic surgery biz in CA.

Laura S. on March 28, 2014 at 1:19 pm

LOL I’d love to see them try to make Mohammed marrying a nine year old child somehow politically correct.
Islam is the most screwed up religion on earth. Would be nice if they all just continued to kill each other for the next 100 years and do a better job of it!

Canadian Steve on March 28, 2014 at 9:50 am

That headline made me spew my coffee!!{wiping screen}

BigMamaTEA on March 28, 2014 at 10:22 am

Just imagine the next unholy-wood LGBT and halal version of the Ten Commandments!

Obviously with the prevailing perverse filmmakers we can never expect any “Biblical” film to bear even a remote resemblance to the Scriptures.

As one subversive recently said: “Respct it” Or what that “Rspect it!” ???? Doesn’t really matter any more, the Constitution and the Englaish language have both been twisted completely out of shape!

Hans Schaden on March 28, 2014 at 10:35 am

Deb–

Stellar review! Even critics mostly positive on the movie were astonished about the rock people.

Not sure why people think they can improve on divine source material. Pride, maybe?

Prometheus on March 28, 2014 at 10:42 am

Love the Noah review, Debbie. I was wondering about those Medieval costumes. I know nothing about Game of Thrones, although our library has them in English. Not my cup of arak. But, The Watchers, is a valid concept in Kabbalah and does tie in with angels, fallen or otherwise. They are not always rigidly assigned roles and in their “fallen” mode, could manifest as fiery monsters [dragons]. Kabbalah also teaches that when evil is rampant in a locality, it can bring the watchers awake to wreak greater damage. They are the quasi-physical manifestations of Black Magic and if you don’t believe that exists, why would G-d go thru all the trouble to forbid it and demand sever punishment for its practice?
As for Methusalah as a wizard, well, probably being Hollywood, that is how he was portrayed but Kabbalah is not a new invention. It has always been part and parcel of our tradition, particularly before Sinai so if Methusalah had certain powers, it wouldn’t be surprising.
Also, the Bible dosn’t say that Noah’s sons were married for a long time or had children prior to the Flood. They could have married within a short time and why is it weird back then, that they’d marry their nieces? Who do you think Cain and the other immediate descendants of Adam and Eve married, if they were the only inhabitants of Earth? I believe the Bible is 100% true but I don’t believe all of it is strictly literal. There is allegory and metaphor in it.

Meira on March 28, 2014 at 10:50 am

Meira, thanks for pointing out the tradition in the Kabbalah about fallen angels and “Watchers.” (Your other comments were interesting, too, as they usually are.) Aronofsky’s first film, “Pi,” was a fantasy-thriller involving the Kabballah. “Pi,” by the way, was Aronofsky’s only non-ideological project; after completing that, he became interested in propagandizing against the American Dream (“Requiem for a Dream,” “The Wrestler,” “Black Swan”) and brutal Western imperialism (“The Fountain”).

I would have been happy if Aronofsky’s purpose in this latest film “Noah” had simply been to weave together traditions of Genesis, the Talmud, the Kabbalah and perhaps Jewish oral tradition. Instead he created this repulsive and perverse allegory which attempted to hammer home the supposedly profound dilemma experienced by liberals, which is this: yes, all humanity should be expunged so that Mother Gaia can be free of its human vermin, but on the other hand, we can’t kill the babies, can we? –a disgustingly warped false dichotomy.

Burke on March 29, 2014 at 7:48 am

Thanks Burke, I was also thinking about Debbie’s comments about Noah’s rants. it took him I think, 120 years to build the ark according to the time line in the Torah. Didn’t double check that before posting but it was a Loooooong time, during which things deteriorated and people would come by and mock him and tell him he was crazy. I can see how, although it wasn’t explicitly recorded, that he might rant and want it to be all over fast. Even Moses was known to rant a few times and it ultmately kept him out of the Promised Land.

Meira on March 29, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Thanks for saving my money. I was all hyped to go see this, after all the news and the trailers, and interviews with the actors.
Glad i read this first. I believe some of the big movie critic sites are Lobbied to give good reviews, just like How are congress is lobbied.

Sal on March 28, 2014 at 10:51 am

Debbie – FWIW, I think the fallen angels are the Nephilim, which are popular in religious Christian circles. As for the veggie issue, isn’t there a tradition (Midrash? Gemorah?) somewhere that claims that until Noach, mankind was vegetarian, but after leaving the ark, Noach and his decendents ate meat from the kosher animals? IIRC, weren’t the animal sacrifices prior to Noach completely burnt, and then beginning with Noach certain categories of sacrifices could be eaten? But overall, I see your frustration here. I would never have had any expectations that hollywood these days could make a decent bible flick.

phillip slepian on March 28, 2014 at 11:01 am

I think they get that from Gen 1:29-30. But it still boggles my mind that most Christians overlook the fact that prior to the law of Moses, God put a difference between clean & unclean. Noah was told to put 2 of every unclean beast and 7 of every clean beast. Way before the Law. But so many base their Christianity on children’s stories with depictions of 2x2x2x2.

Laura S. on March 28, 2014 at 1:37 pm

Nephilim are also known in Kabbalah, Phillip. And the vegetarianism thing is controversial. Why was Abel sacrificing firstlings of his flock? Why did he even have a flock back then as the 4th man? Before the Fall, Hashem gave all plants for food to both humans and animals. After that, when bloodshed entered the World, it would appear the commandment was abrogated.

Meira on March 29, 2014 at 3:07 pm

it was an incredible movie, can’t wait to own it on Blu-ray DVD……..great cast, great story line…..great ending……and I am Jewish…..

Sheldon on March 28, 2014 at 11:12 am

You may be Jewish, Sheldon, but you are free of the Jewish tradition of education.

skzion on March 28, 2014 at 11:46 am

I recall a Biblical verse that goes like “God is not mocked”

Jack on March 28, 2014 at 11:19 am

Debbie, before I was leaning towards skipping this one, now for sure. But something I am curious about. In Jewish day school, did they ever teach about the Watchers and the nephilim? Some believe that not only did God destroy mankind in the flood for their wickedness but to preserve the purity of the bloodline that the Nephilim was trying to corrupt. I do not understand Hebrew but I have read that in the Hebrew when it talks about Noah being righteous and blameless that it can also be translated as him being genetically pure as well, not corrupted by the seed of the serpent. Or is that all nonsense as well?

john on March 28, 2014 at 11:38 am

The Ashkenazi tradition, outside of the Chassids, tends to give short shrift to Kabbalah, john and most American Day schools come out of that tradition with LIthuanian Yeshiva trained rabbis or Women’s Seminary teachers. So, no, Jewish Day Schools do not delve into it and one more important reason is because that tradition believes that only a MAN of ADVANCED LEARNING IN TORAH AND TALMUD, Married and Fluent in Hebrew and Aramaic can begin to learn Kabbalah. Obviously that eliminates all children, male and female.

Sefaradim are more lenient to a certain degree. We are all allowed to learn parts of Kabbalah as commentary to Torah. There are many warnings of the perils of doing so without the guidance of a recognized “mekubal” IOW, a great rabbi to whom the secrets have been revealed and the spiritual wisdom and humility to know he is called out.

Meira on March 29, 2014 at 3:14 pm

I think we should cut the JINOs who made this movie some slack. After all, the public demands lots of action, and the original text consisted of little more than a bunch of metrosexuals chatting over canapes. Oh wait.

skzion on March 28, 2014 at 11:52 am

A movie about what Genesis really says about Noah and the world that existed would be exciting. Satan had attempted to corrupt the Adamic bloodline. See Genesis 6 about the sons of God (fallen angels) mating with human women. This is where the Nepthalim and the giants came from, both before and after the Flood. Many of these Nepthalim and the sons of God were worshipped as gods by the Egyptians, Greeks, Romans, etc. The rest of “humanity” was either genetically corrupted or so fallen in sin that God knew he could not redeem them. The 3 sons of Noah represent the 3 races that emerged on Earth – Caucasian, Negroid and Asian. So we’re all from the same blood.

Before the Flood, mankind was not to eat animal flesh. However, afterward, God approved of eating animal flesh because the nutritional contents of plants would be insufficient to provide health to humans. That’s why vegans and vegetarians have a shorter life expectancy than we omnivores.

In the rock layers are billions of fossils which show that they were suddenly buried in water, rock and silt, many of them in agony. What would you expect from a world – wide flood as described in the Bible. Rock layers with billions of fossils which show that they were suddenly buried in water, rock and silt, many of them in agony. However the ghost of Lyell the Lawyer still haunts and corrupts geology.

Concerned Citizen on March 28, 2014 at 1:03 pm

And, they have found scads of sharks teeth embedded in the ceilings of caves inland.

Laura S. on March 28, 2014 at 1:46 pm

I knew I wasn’t going to see it (well…1st off because Hollywood produced it) when I read the director’s insulting comments to those that said anything about it. I am disappointed that Russell Crowe (who considers himself a Christian) decided to do this piece of crap. I think his stock will go down with a lot of folks over this. It has for me.

Laura S. on March 28, 2014 at 1:13 pm

I used the search engine of this website, went back to 2007, and read your review of “Evan Almighty.” Quoting (literally copying and pasting) Debbie Schlussel:

“I really liked the Biblical Noah story replayed in this film, which follows the Genesis story very closely.”

Um, oky-doke. At least I now know what to rent for a “historically accurate” depiction of whatever it is this film is supposed to be about. In the meantime, I’d be curious to get your opinion of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA6Sik3tJZQ

Joaquin Closet on March 28, 2014 at 2:28 pm

I always despised Crowe and still do.

DS_ROCKS! on March 28, 2014 at 3:08 pm

Noah? This movie should be called “No nothing.” The only thing that appears to be missing in this movie is Godzilla fighting the smog monster.

I have heard a lot of bad reviews about this movie, which could have been great. Instead, they turned it into a bad sci-fi movie.

The story of Noah is scientifically supported with the rise and fall of the oceans, the various ice ages, etc. In early recorded history, man has almost been wiped out. It is such a shame that they turned a great Biblical story into drek (crap). The bible is not only a great historical record, but a great source of scientific knowledge, including the requirement for crop rotation, resting the soil, the story of creation (which, if you convert each day into 1.5 billion years, corresponds to evolution), circumcision (a great hygienic advancement), the requirements for washing and salting food to prevent contamination and growth of bacteria, cleanliness demands for humans (which prevented the crowded but clean Jewish ghettos from contracting the plague), etc.

It is a shame that athiests and liberals mock the Bible (something they won’t do with the Koran).

Jonathan E. Grant on March 28, 2014 at 3:36 pm

It would be impossible to make a movie about the Koran without insult to it under Islamic law…unless it was an audio book…in Arabic…with screen shots of desert life or something of that nature.

theShadow on March 28, 2014 at 10:59 pm

The hygiene laws of Moses found the foundation of modern hygiene laws, including those for the American Revolutionary army. Egypt at the time of the Exodus used feces for various cures, such as rubbing it into a wound or infertile women ingesting cat feces to become fertile. Moses was raised in this culture but he rejected the Egyptian’s filthy habits because God spoke to him.

Concerned Citizen on March 30, 2014 at 12:06 pm

Let see, Noah has a shaved head and beard… Seems like Hollywood is a particular religious group who frequently have beards and shaved heads …and is continuously angry (cough cough). Just an observation from seeing the trailer.

Pats on March 28, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Too bad there is no filmmaker in Hollywood brave enough to produce a Bible-based story of Noah and the Flood with all the CGI effects to send that non-Biblical progressive piece of trash made by Darren Aronofsky to the deepest dustbins of forgotten Hollywood trashes.

Rob on March 28, 2014 at 4:20 pm

And the worst part of this Noah publicity event?

Russell Crowe called Obama “the light and the future of America”.

Gagghh!!!

Rob on March 28, 2014 at 4:22 pm

Why not rename it: “Noah: WTF?”

PitandPen on March 28, 2014 at 8:50 pm

I saw “Noah” today and hated it. It mixed soap opera, magic tricks, shamanism, sophomoric philosophy and Hollywood faddism. By the way, the end was abominable.

Here are some things I noticed. 1) 30 seconds after the film started, Cain’s evil descendants are described as having “industrialized” (yes, that word was really used). 2) Methuselah wants Noah to see something important, so he slips him a hallucinogen in his tea (I hate it when liberals do that). 3) We see the bad people for a while and they repeatedly rape innocent girls who scream; right after that, they show innocent animals being butchered who also scream (probably some kind of allegory I would guess).

Aronofsky demeaned himself in making this film. It’s his very worst by far (and that includes “The Fountain”). The movie resembled something a USC film student might make if he had 120 million to waste. The critics who praised the picture demeaned themselves, too.

(Spoiler) Noah is a fanatical environmentalist throughout the film. He wants to purify the earth by killing off all humanity, including his two grandchildren who were just born. Just as he’s about to stick a knife into the babies, though, he has a sudden epiphany, realizing that all he “could see in the babies was love.” This was just…stupid. On so many levels.

Burke on March 28, 2014 at 9:39 pm

“Just as he’s about to stick a knife into the babies, though, he has a sudden epiphany, realizing that all he “could see in the babies was love.” This was just…stupid. On so many levels.
Burke on March 28, 2014 at 9:39 pm”

Dammmit! said the liberals. Should have just killed them in the womb! …err, not killed, umm, meant, uhh, steriliz.., no, uh, liquidize.., wait ummm, des.., no, what was that word again?

theShadow on March 28, 2014 at 10:47 pm

theShadow: You’re absolutely right. On the surface, abortion is all about feminist empowerment (“Kill your baby and be free at last!”). Not far underneath, though, lies a separate widely held tenet of New Age morality (“Kill your baby and free the earth from human pollution!”).

Burke on March 29, 2014 at 8:35 am

Underneath it is Genocide. That was Sanger’s reason.

Laura S. on March 29, 2014 at 9:31 am

Burke, “industrialized” is simply a modern word for what Nimrod did do. He was the first builder of cities, he forged iron and it’s all in the text. We are finding some amazingly advanced technology as Hashem allows more and more to be revealed thru archaeology. Since building cities is not an agrarian occupation, in using modern language, “industrialization” is not inappropriate.

The use of halucinogenic substances to induce visions and greater spiritual connections is known in virtually every religion except Christianity. Methusalah was a prophet and priest of the godly line of Adam and Eve’s third son, Seth. We don’t know if he asked for one but it’s not unlikely he was a user. Don’t forget that this was pre-Torah and even Torah does not specifically forbid the practice. There’s some pretty heady stuff in the Holy Incense of the Temple.

I agree with your third point.

Meira on March 29, 2014 at 3:23 pm

Meira, thanks for your comments, thoughtful and reasonable as usual.

First of all, my objection to the use of the word “industrialization” in the film was not based in any way on its possible anachronistic misuse. I know Debbie questioned the continual emphasis on metal-working in the film, suggesting that civilizations weren’t advanced enough at that time to include such advanced skills. However, that wasn’t the problem I had. My problem, rather, was that industrialism was used as a dirty word associated with the villains in the film: the descendants of Cain, the ones who ate meat, fought wars, abused animals, and were–ugh–“industrialized.” As Debbie phrases it, according to the film, “the wicked are warriors who eat meat.” And she might have added, “…and who live in an industrialized society.”

Real sin isn’t the same as not being politically correct. The Bible’s concept, as least as I understand it, relates to cheating, lying, betrayal, selfish violence, and the debasing of God. Aronofsky’s concept in contrast is the New Age hippie one related to burning fossil fuels, eating meat, and apparently also being industrialized.

As for my annoyance with Methuselah secretly slipping hallucinogens into Noah’s drink, once again, I don’t question that these drugs might have been available to the people of this time. I’m just annoyed that liberals seem to find excuses to write these kinds of drugs (as well as the shamans who supply them) into their scripts.

Burke on March 30, 2014 at 1:37 am

Ah, thanks, Burke for the clarification. I have to disagree with Debbie about the metal working. There’s too much evidence emerging of great civilizations with advanced technology existing and then disappearing in a cataclysm. Since all ancient cultures have Flood epics in them, it’s reasonable to assume that it was the Noachide flood that eliminated this knowledge. As with everything post-Flood, we had to start new and within the last 4,000 literal years or so, Iron work RE-appeared. Quantum physics postulates however that the time measurement was indeed different back then so that a ‘Year” probably needs to be taken allegorically not literally. Actually Quantum Physics says time is still flexing and bending but that that ebb and flow is not static but rates and rhythms change.

http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/ciencia_hitech02a.htm

I understand about the left agenda of “Industry- bad, agrarian good” being extreme but I think we have overdone it. We have damaged the food supply, rely on big corporations to feed us ethically and that is not working. We should be seeking a better balance of living WITH nature instead of the Protestant ethic of subduing it into oblivion. But at the same time, we should not go back to a primitive existence with none of the better inventions of the past 250 or so years.

Meira on March 30, 2014 at 6:18 am

Hmmm. Yes, Meira, I see your points (about quantum mechanics and the way time is distorted, and also your criticism of Protestants for not living well with nature). I don’t agree with them, but I understand what you’re saying.

Agree or disagree, I look forward to reading your comments in the future. You always have interesting points to make.

Burke on March 30, 2014 at 10:18 am

Again, Thanks Burke. I don’t expect people to agree with me, just to have a respectful discourse. I often fail at this but I try. I think friendly and objective argumentation is a good thing and makes life more interesting. It has helped me figure out who I am, rather than telling me who I’m expected to be.

Meira on March 30, 2014 at 12:08 pm

Just an awful, terrible movie

HK on March 28, 2014 at 11:11 pm

I’d like to see:
‘Noah: in God we trust’
A movie about the people who righteously followed the Lord’s word and came out of it all with a happy ending.
…from 21’st century Hollywood?..ain’t holding my breath.

theShadow on March 28, 2014 at 11:17 pm

Not to get too hung up on Biblical stories being altered for dramatic effect one has to remember a movie, like the nightly TV news, is primarily entertainment. The trouble was the movie is sorely lacking in that regard. Let’s hope Emma Watson’s transition from those movies isn’t torpedoed by this production. Despite the morning TV prefacing the interview with Rusty with reference to it being a controversial move facing criticism from un-named religious groups the shopping mall were the cinema complex was located looked like the middle east with mozzies even some with the niqab everywhere even some waiting as we came out to go in. The industrialization / meat eating theme being the evil of men to be destroyed was just pathetic and even from a religious view as at least in the Christian Bible we start off in the garden but end in the city of New Jerusalem. More to the point the flood while folklore from the rising sea levels at the end of the last ice age is is scripture for spirtitual reasons not as an historical record and the water which Kali like destroys everything is a flood of falsity, falsity being the opposite of truth and truth in its positive form is often represented by water in scripture. These days the flood (of falsity) which is wiping away the world is political correctness with governments and courts mandating legal fictions with sanctions against those who reject the falsity as in gender correctness in the institutions which serve society and ensure its ongoing future such as marriage and the military. The end result of this flood of falsity will be the destruction of the society which lives detached from reality, esp once the gubmint runs out of other peoples’s money. It is interesting how throughout the Old Testamant this theme appears and reappears, e.g. The tower of Babel is similar and runs as a common theme in pairs of sons, usually it is the older son who is bypassed and head off to try his luck with others after being a bad boy, like Cain and Ishmael and Esau. In Noah’s story this only happens by implication when Ham is described as giving birth to Caanan, whose descendants came to resemble the folk described as Cain’s descendents in the land of the Nod. Ham is kind of like a Cain in the Bible story and the scriptwriters have pretty much portrayed him as much in the movie, just as they borrowed other fragments from parts of Genesis for dramatic effect.

Bronson on March 29, 2014 at 5:35 am

Another title for this movie could have been The Fellowship of the Ark(Lord of the Rings) with all the wizardry mumbo jumbo that seems to be in it.
Seems they awoke the “balrogs”( creatures made of stone and fire) with all their greedy earth plundering. That imagery was too choice not to appropriate for this CGI patchwork quilt it seems.

Frankz on March 29, 2014 at 8:13 am

Hollywood needs a platform for their digital effects.

Frankz on March 29, 2014 at 8:18 am

PUTah need a platform for their end is near unless environmental cleansing happens by expunging the human stain from the planet angle.

Frankz on March 29, 2014 at 8:28 am

Russel Crowe needs another platform to do his Gladiator thing.
What they don’t need is the Bible and that should surprise nobody.
Although Crowe did look a little miffed not to get more attention from the Pope which could have translated into added box office clout.
Poor baby. Well there’s always next time.

Can Hollywood be this unoriginal? Yes I think they can but if this movie disappoints at the box office it will probably be because it’s a movie they made all about themselves.
Those kinds of movies generally don’t float.

(Sorry again about multiple postings – something was getting blocked by the filters)

Frankz on March 29, 2014 at 8:30 am

You do realize that if the story of Noah were true, we are all inbred descendants of him. That might explain you, however…

EricO on March 29, 2014 at 10:31 am

Sorry, but this movie just misses the boat.

Prometheus on March 29, 2014 at 2:11 pm

You as well, EricO! Forgot about that, didn’t you?

jc15 on March 29, 2014 at 2:48 pm

You people, and this website, are a fucking embarrassment.

j on March 29, 2014 at 4:31 pm

J, why did you come here then? Feel free to go elsewhere.

Worry01 on March 29, 2014 at 9:48 pm

Hey J why don’t you go and piss off if you don’t like it here. Methinks that the only embarrassment is you. The Daily Kooks and the Huff and Puffington Post would love to have you.

Ken B on March 31, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Even the “Noah Party” was an unhinged affair:

Worry01 on March 29, 2014 at 9:51 pm

When we put our; thoughts, time, efforts and monies into ventures other than into our true faith (as ordained in the Bible) in God we are but fools.
To minimize the beauty of God, and the true history of man, is the ultimate betrayal.
We should fund real movies consistent with our values and stop lining the pockets of the soulless in Hollywood.

Jeff Schrembs on March 30, 2014 at 1:36 am

Gee, I can hardly wait to see these guys make movies about the Maccabees, Queen Esther, R’ Akiva or Maimonedes…..just kidding.

Not Ovenready on March 30, 2014 at 3:11 am

What do you expect? The movie was created by an atheist [a Jewish one]. He should have just given the movie a different name and said the story is inspired by Noah’s Ark.

Wojciech Zdrojkowski on March 30, 2014 at 6:27 pm

Why are atheists, who are really nihilists, always interested in attacking other people’s beliefs? What exactly makes them morally superior? What is that moral superiority based upon?

If they want to make some bizarre nihilistic story, why don’t they write an original tale as Tolkien did and stop plagiarizing and reinterpreting God. Maybe they just don’t have the imagination to do it or they are trying to subvert religion by imposing their own twisted ideology on it? I believe it is the latter.

As the famous adage goes:

“God is dead.” – Nietszche
“Nietsche is dead.” – God

Aaron S. on March 30, 2014 at 9:00 pm

It is rather ironic that those without morality stand in judgment of those who have morality. That is the condition of the modern age – an age of decadence into which moves the vile death-cult called, Islam.

Aaron S. on March 30, 2014 at 9:17 pm

For those interested in learning Oral Toral in-depth – please invest in the Me’am Loez – AKA – Torah Anthology. This was started by Rabbi Yaakov Culi. This was a tremendous endeavor to consolidate all Oral Torah sources into one area that explains the plain text of each verse in the Torah. Meira has done a great job in her posts here and Hashem should continue to bless her and her family with nachas, great health, and parnassah. I think the most important thing that was overlooked – is that this movie has gotten people to talk about Torah. This is positive no matter how badly the movie may have portrayed certain events. I too saw the movie – not expecting it to be biblical, but did come away recognizing where they did try to insert material from Oral Torah sources – i.e. Midrash, Talmud, Kabbalah, etc… I’ve learned a lot of this in Yeshivah and continue to study all these sources including Chabbad Chassidut from the Alter Rebbe onwards. I recommend Me’am Loez (Torah Anthology) as it is the best source for those that want to learn and be able to follow without much help as with a Chavrusa. All the best!

Shlomo on March 31, 2014 at 1:43 pm

Hey everyone today while driving home from work, aka paying for the lofos I was listening to talk radio. Vannity said that he loved Noah and it reminded him of both Gladiator and Brave heart. I know now that despite Debbie’s awesome review I’ve just got to go see it. Yeah right. Oh and Michael Savage said(while bragging that he’s beating Vannity) not to call his show to discuss said movie. These two crack me up.

Ken B on March 31, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Never seen it, and have no plans to go see it. But did they give a shout out, to the LGBT crowd by referencing the Rainbow, (G-d’s symbol of his promise never to destroy the world by water again)? PC crowd would love that. Thanks for the review, Miss Debbie.

William on April 3, 2014 at 6:54 pm

For goodness sake….it’s a movie people…loosen up. Hollywood has been producing such epic rubbish for years and years. It’s meant to be ‘entertainment’, not a truism.

When Hollywood makes war films, or westerns, gangster or even Biblical movies I am here to tell you – they are just movies, just entertainment, a bit of fun….generally, any relationship to actuality is purely coincidental – or accidental.

Watching any movie is about escapism from reality, enjoyment, relaxation and fun. Very few, if indeed any, Hollywood movie ever was faithfully or historically accurate to a high degree, they don’t have to be folks – they are simply ‘entertainment’.

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Noahcide: “Noah” Movie is More Like “Game of Thrones” Than Bible; Better Title: “Not Noah”

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