By Debbie Schlussel

One of the best movies I’ve seen all year–a must see in my book–debuts at theaters today. Here are my reviews of what’s new at the box office:

* “Captain Phillips“: This is a GREAT movie. It’s thrilling, Islamic terrorists are the villains, the Navy SEALs are the good guys, and there is no mincing of the true story on which it is based–the story of Somali Muslim terrorist “pirates,” who hijack the Maersk Alabama ship. Tom Hanks is absolutely fantastic, and you forget he’s Tom Hanks. The terror Captain Richard Phillips felt is clear and very palpable. You are on the edge of your seat from the beginning of the first attempted hijacking, until the end of the movie. It is worth every of 134 minutes and ten-plus bucks spent on this.

While there is a tiny sliver of PC here–the words “allahu [FUBAR]” are never uttered, for instance, and at the beginning it shows the poor town the pirates come from and how Islamic warlords “force” them to do this–it doesn’t matter, because the truth is clear to anyone who sees this film. Remember, it is directed by Paul Greengrass, who also directed “United 93” (read my review), another terrific film I’ve reviewed, which doesn’t engage in excuses or political correctness toward Islamic terrorists and their real-life choices and actions. The “pirates” a/k/a terrorists wear keffiyeh scarves, they speak Arabic, and it’s quite clear who they are, even though one of them, at the beginning of the hijacking of the ship, one of them says they aren’t Al-Qaeda and won’t hurt the crew (famous last words also heard on United 93 and all the other planes hijacked on 9/11).

I am reminded of when I walked out of a showing of “United 93” and I asked two Muslims who were also there if they liked it. They replied, “Well, it was okay, but they shouldn’t have made the villains Muslim.” Muslims seeing this film will feel the same way (or they will pooh-pooh it as depicting the acts of “abeed”–their version of the N-word, as Islam has a strong racist component).

The Somalian Muslim terrorists in the movie are very convincing (especially the leader, played by Barkhad Abdi), probably because they are all played by real-life Somalian Muslim immigrants from Minneapolis (who’ve never acted before). See, we finally found a useful role for four of them, while many of the rest travel back to Somalia (and Kenya) for jihad or engage in Al-Shabaab immigration fraud, run child prostitution rings, and engage in other assorted disturbing violent crimes here in our own country. I would not be surprised if the Hollywood affirmative action fans nominate the Abdi for an Academy Award (he is good in this, though).

While it is true that the movie is based on Phillips’ book, and he comes off as the hero (although he makes some stupid mistakes in sympathy for the terrorists), even if the movie isn’t completely accurate, I still recommend it highly. It seems like it’s close enough. It appears the biggest dispute with the movie is that encompassed by a lawsuit against Maersk by the crew of the ship, in which they allege Phillips put them in danger by ignoring warnings that Somali pirates were targeting ships in that area. But that seems ridiculous because ships need to travel, and they cannot be shut out of the seas by Muslim “pirates.” (FYI, the powers that be are still looking for the $30,000 paid to the pirates, which remains missing. Navy SEALs were forced to take polygraph tests over this.)

To me, the biggest mistake was not arming the ship and its crew with a lot of guns, which was–apparently, at the time, against some international seafaring laws or something (which really isn’t mentioned or noted in the movie, a glaring omission because the question is certainly begged in the minds of viewers). It’s absurd, especially because the Somalis had guns, including high-powered machine guns. And that’s the only thing that gave them power over the ship and its crew.

One last thing: I chuckled as I read a description of the movie in yesterday’s Detroit Free Halal Press, which stated, “a pulse-pounding thriller as well as an exploration of the effects of globalization.” Huh? There have been Western ships sailing those seas–and targeted by Muslim pirates–for centuries. It was a problem, for example, during the time of President Thomas Jefferson (and long before the founding of America). Somebody needs to put down the Thomas Friedman book and get real.

A great movie, very entertaining, and you’ll love it!

FOUR REAGANS

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Populaire“: Absolutely charming and fun. I really liked it. A combination of comedy, drama, and romance.

This French movie, with English subtitles, takes place in 1959 and has clothes, sets, and hairstyles that resemble those of “Mad Men.” It tells the story of a French girl from a small town (Déborah François) who dreams of a job in the big city. She interviews for a secretarial job with an wealthy insurance salesman playboy, who is also a World War II veteran (Romain Duris, a terrific French actor who starred in another movie I loved, “Heartbreaker [“L’arnacoeur”]–read my review). She gets the job because of her speed in typing, albeit with just two of her fingers. And, while she is a terrible secretary, her boss notes that her typing is so fast, she could be a champion in typing competitions. So, the boss coaches her how to type with all ten fingers, and puts her through the paces for various local, national, and other typing competitions. At the same time, she is falling in love with him, but he is cold to her.

While the movie is somewhat predictable, it’s a cozy predictability. It’s a funny, cheery movie, with lots of bright colors and eye candy. It’s a classy movie, with the exception of one sleazy scene akin to a “wet t-shirt,” that took away from the grace and dignity of the rest of the film.

This is not for kids, but for adults, it’s well worth the time and money.

THREE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Machete Kills“: This sequel to the awful illegal alien war cry movie, “Machete” (read my review), is far more awful. While this incredibly violent and bloody movie is supposed to be campy and funny, it’s little of either. Mostly, it looks like cheap, low-budget churn from Hollywood. Yes, there are cool gadgets, such as Sofia Vergara’s machine gun bra. But the movie is dumb, dopey, and a waste of time. I wanted to walk out repeatedly and should have.

The “story”: Machete (Danny Trejo, a real-life convicted violent criminal several times over) is offered a deal by President Charlie Sheen (in this movie, he’s credited under his real name, Carlos Estevez). If he captures the leader of a major drug cartel, he will instantly get U.S. citizenship. So he goes to Mexico to get the drug kingpin, and encounters a lot of trouble on the way there and back.

Another reason not to see this movie: it co-stars Jew-hater Mel Gibson, as a nutty billionaire American arms dealer who is in cahoots with the drug kingpin.

Another indicator of how ridiculous and stupid this movie is: several D-list celebs have small parts in this movie, including John Paul DeJoria, the face of Paul Mitchell haircare products, and Elon Musk, CEO of Space X and Tesla.

Oh, and just in case you forgot, this junky, pro-illegal alien/open borders schlock is funded, produced, and distributed to your movie theater screens by Sean Hannity’s, Michelle Malkin’s, Megyn Kelly’s, and Bill O’Reilly’s boss, Rupert Murdoch. YAY, FOX!

THREE MARXES PLUS THREE OBAMAS

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Blue Caprice“: Absolutely awful and a complete whitewash of Islamic terrorism.

This movie is “based on the true story” of John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, the Muslim Beltway Snipers. They were Islamic terrorists, who named their “route” of murders, “allah One.” But, to watch this long, boring waste of time, you’d never know it. Islam is never mentioned or shown. Instead, the movie shows us a bitter, mentally ill Muhammad (who is called merely “John,” a sanitized, non-Islamic name, in this movie) is nuts and upset at “the system” because he lost custody of his children from his ex-wife and can’t see them. The movie tells you that this is the only reason he and Malvo murder Americans in and around the Beltway area of Washington, DC and its suburbs.

I was amazed that a story that could be so thrilling in its depiction was such a disappointment. Aside from the absolute dishonesty of this movie, it is beyond uninteresting. I struggled to stay awake. It’s slow, pointless, disjointed, and tries sooooo badly to be “artsy.” It isn’t. A politically correct, white-washed yawner. Skip this.

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR BIN LADENS

Watch the trailer . . .