By Debbie Schlussel

Just in time for the Fourth of July, America’s Independence Day holiday, Hollywood takes an old, patriotic radio and TV show and turns it into an anti-American, anti-business liberal fantasy, “The Lone Ranger,” in movie theaters today. It’s a long, slow, boring 2.5 hours of liberal fantasy. The Lone Ranger (Armie Hammer) is a moron and an anti-gun dope (yes, I’m not kidding–The Lone Ranger, who historically was inherently connected with guns, is now against that). And the only smart, decent guy in the movie is . . . wait for it . . . the American Indian, Tonto. Oh, and did I mention that the villains of this movie are the American military–civil war veterans–and the businessmen who developed the railroads across America, which was a great development in our history, not a tragedy perpetrated by greedy scumbags as portrayed in this cinematic screed. Per the typical leftist Hollywood meme, the victims in this movie are Chinese men building the railroads and the American Indians–both groups victimized by the evil White American male interloper.

In case that doesn’t rain on your July 4th parade, the movie makes sure to include an Independence Day celebration that includes the Star Spangled Banner, lots of American flags, and behind the scenes crookedness against good and indigenous peoples by the railroad magnate who sponsors the festivities.

Kids are going to see this, and this stuff poisons their mind about America. And was it really appropriate to have a scene in a brothel–and one of the heroes of the movie, its madam–when we know the audience will skew young?

This movie has absolutely no resemblance to the original Lone Ranger, in which the lead was the Ranger a/k/a lawman John Reid. Tonto was the sidekick. They were patriots and heroes, saving Americans from criminals and other bad guys. In this movie, Tonto–Johnny Depp apparently revising his Jack Sparrow pirate character–is the lead, the wise man, and the guy in control, helping victimized minorities from the evil White businessman trying to build the railroad and the American soldiers who help them in their chicanery and mass murder. The businessman has a gang of evil crooks working for him (alongside the American soldiers), who are so despicable and ruthless that they shoot and murder seven American lawmen and cut the heart out of the main one (the Lone Ranger’s brother) and eat it. Hey, just like the real-life “Syrian freedom fighters” Obama loves.

Not only is the Lone Ranger against guns, but he also is against killing criminals, insisting upon taking them to trial to face justice. Here, I guess Disney, the far left, the ACLU, HAMAS CAIR, and Rush Limbaugh/Sean Hannity/Rand Paul converge with the views of this crappy movies. It’s some sort of statement against killing terrorists, and instead taking them to trial to face justice. Or some such BS. By the way, the “exotic, magical indigenous minority instructs and educates evil, dopey White man” narrative gets old. Very old. But it’s the only chorus the jerks in Tinseltown know.

This crowded, confusing movie is more overstuffed than Rosie O’Donnell, Rachel Jeantel (Trayvon Martin’s calorically-gifted girlfriend with the cursive-reading prob), and Melissa McCarthy combined. And not one part of it is interesting. Even the brothel madam’s wooden leg rigged as a shotgun isn’t new (see the movie “Grindhouse”). The William Tell Overture and “Hi Yo Silver” slogan that go hand in hand with the traditional “Lone Ranger” don’t make an appearance until the very end of the movie. But it, frankly, shouldn’t have made an appearance at all, since this is LRINO–the Lone Ranger In Name Only. This “Lone Ranger” is more like a Lone Stranger.

The movie uses a silly, unnecessary plot device involving a young kid dressed as the Lone Ranger in the early 1930s. He goes inside the exhibits of a traveling carnival or museum of sorts and encounters an old Indian in one of the displays. The Indian starts talking to him and telling his story. We see the Indian, Tonto, caught up in a train robbery along with Reid, later the Ranger. They are shackled together. Later, when seven of eight lawmen are brutally murdered in the mountains by a gang of thugs (see above heart-eating description), Reid is left for dead with them. But the Indian, who is burying them, finds that Reid is alive. He nurses him to health and teaches him courage, even though Reid is a total peacenik, anti-gun dope, who insists on trials for terrorists. For the rest of the movie, we see the dopey Reid a/k/a the Ranger screw things up and the Indian does it right, all while the evil White businessman and American soldiers are scheming, stealing from, overworking, and killing minorities.

Hi Yo Anti-American Bulls–t. And this BS went on and on and on. I note that Lone Ranger Armie Hammer is the great-grandson of legendary anti-American oilman Armand Hammer, who went out of his way to enable Communists and Marxists around the world in his oil trade with our enemies, especially the Soviet Union, and made excuse after excuse for their horrible human rights transgressions and engaging in moral equivalency arguments (saying America was just like them). I’m sure he’s smiling from his grave now that his great-grandson carries on his disgusting legacy, albeit at the movies.

Skip this travesty and save 2.5 hours of your life and 10-plus bucks. You were forewarned.

More high quality Gitmo torture material from Hollywood.

***

A week ago, on my Twitter account, I predicted this movie would be the biggest bomb of the summer (follow me on Twitter).

A few days later, the Hollywood mainstream media said the same thing. It’s not hard to predict that. It’s not that this is a Western. Westerns are great if they are great Westerns. This is just anti-American crap parading as something else. And no matter how anti-American it is, it won’t do well in foreign markets. Because you can buy sleeping pills for a lot cheaper.

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS FOUR BIN LADENS

Watch the trailer . . .