By Debbie Schlussel
One of the great intellects of our time, Kyle Joseph Campbell, is trying to change his name. It’s his second attempt. First, he wanted to change his name to “Black Cream Allah.” But the judge said no. So now he’s back for the second time. This time, he seeks the name, “Original Kreeam Shabazz.”
Give the guy credit for coming up with a new way to spell Cream, the second time around. Or is that, “Thah Cekund Tyym Uh-Rawnd.” He hasn’t yet given up on the Black Cream Allah stuff, though. Check out his jacket insignia, below, which he had embroidered with “Black Cream Allah.” I guess you could call that the new “Members Only,” where the old Groucho Marx quote has deep meaning.
Oh, and in case you wondered, he’s from the “Five Percenters”–the even more extreme sect of the extremist Nation of Islam cult. The Five Percenters are mostly found among Black Muslim converts in the penitentiary system. And Black Cream Allah, er . . .Original Kreeam Shabazz, is no exception. We have our fair share of the Five Percenters, here in Michigan.
Who Needs “Vanilla Ice,” When You Can Have . . .

Meet Kyle Joseph Campbell. Just call him Original Kreeam Shabazz.
Campbell of Mariners Harbor recently tried for a second time to change his name legally, a year after his first choice, Black Cream Allah, was denied by a judge on the grounds it resembled a rap song title and was sacrilegious.
“I was [upset], but when I sat down and thought about it, I understood why he did it,” said Campbell, 29, who has belonged to an offshoot of the Nation of Islam since he was 19. “Black Cream — in my nation that’s a real strong name. But someone else sees the name and they might take that as funny, like I’m a joke.”

You don’t say.

Campbell is a “five percenter,” meaning he belongs to the Nation of Islam-affiliated religion that purports man is God personified, and in which members commonly take Allah as a name. His was one of more than 100 name-change petitions filed on Staten Island last year, most of which were mundane and nearly all approved.
Supervising Judge Philip S. Straniere of Civil Court, West Brighton, the jurist in Campbell’s first attempt, ruled July 28 that Black Cream Allah was offensive because the first two words are the title of a Ghostface Killah rap song with violent lyrics, and that allowing Allah as a name would be akin to bestowing religious authority.

I gotta say, for the record, that I don’t agree with the judge on either of these points. And, frankly, I think he should have allowed the original name change, as a red flag to anyone who meets Black Cream Allah that he’s, um, the kinda guy who’d change his name to Black Cream Allah.

Taking the name Allah has certainly been done before.
Five Percent Nation founder Clarence Smith adopted the name after surviving a 1964 shooting. A quick check of public records shows at least a half-dozen in New York City alone — including Black Buddha Allah in Queens (although it could not be determined if that was a legal name change).
But it’s not something a mainstream Muslim would do, said Ibrahim Hooper of the Council on American-Islamic Relations.

And that’s exactly why it’s such a great idea. Not only to upset my friend, Mr. Hooper, but to show that our courts don’t show deference to Islam instead of free speech. If someone wants to change their name to Mohammed Pothead Spicoli, let ’em. It’ll be a great way to weed out some of the undesirables in job applications, etc. I mean, would you hire a dude named “Black Cream Allah” for your law firm or medical practice. It’s one of the greatest “I am a dummy” signs ever.

His religion, also known as the Nation of Gods and Earths, rejects a mystical deity and was popularized by the Wu-Tang Clan and others during the 1990s.

Dude, the Wu-Tang Clan . . . the great theologians of this era.

It draws its name from the belief that an elite 10 percent of people control 85 percent of humanity through the false belief in a mystical being, while the enlightened 5 percent are tasked with spreading knowledge.

Yup, and that’s why this, um, “religion” is so hilarious, considering the so-called Five Percenters are probably the self-anointed “enlightened” five percent are the most intellectually challenged on the continent.
Campbell, who grew up dealing drugs out of the West Brighton Houses and was busted with a Mac-11 machine gun at age 17, joined the movement after his release from prison for weapon possession.
Aha! Like I said, most of these “Five Percenters” populate the prison system.