February 18, 2009, - 12:10 pm
Pets, the New People, Alert: PETA Won–Introducing “Pet-ernity” Leave
By Debbie Schlussel
**** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE ****
As I often say on this site, despite how much we ridicule the behavior of the animal rights crowd and PETA (a/k/a PUTAh–People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals and humans), they have won.
They’ve won because Americans–and others in Western cultures–now treat their pets to superhuman status and treat them better than their kids and consider them to be kids. They’ve won because Americans spend gazillions on country clubs, aromatherapy, pet surfing, pet massage, pet yoga, and other absurdities for pets I’ve detailed ad nauseam on this site.
And now they’ve won because a single jewelry store produced and–was robbed of $300,000 in pet jewelry. PET JEWELRY?!!!! Hilarious. What the heck do dogs need $300,000 in jewelry for?
Oh, but wait, there’s something even more ridiculous. Because, you see, they’ve won because there is now bereavement leave from work to mourn over pets and “maternity” leave for newborn pets. It’s not here in America yet. But–since we seem to adopt the worst aspects of European and other socialist democracies–I predict it’s coming, real soon. The same countries that open their borders to limitless numbers of Muslim immigrants, also elevate animals to work-related human status. Yes, there is a connection. It’s called, “lack of a brain.”
Laugh your rear off:
Some pet owners can actually get company-blessed time off for pet-related matters, in what are dubbed “peternity” leaves, according to the Sloan Work and Family Research Network blog.
Virgin Mobile in Australia recently announced that it now offers peternity leaves for employees with new puppies or kittens under 10 weeks old. Such employees, who must have worked for the company for more than two years, can get five unpaid days off. (Owners of other animals, such as birds, fish or hamsters, can’t take advantage of the policy, alas. [DS: HUH? I think we have a case here for a species discrimination lawsuit.]) Several U.K. and Canadian companies, including the Bank of Scotland, also offer time off to care for new or sick pets or for pet bereavement.
The trend doesn’t seem to have caught on yet among U.S. businesses, although some companies, such as Google, do allow workers to bring pets to work. . . . (In this week’s episode of “The Office,” there was a subplot about taking time off for cat-care.)
New DebbieSchlussel.com word of the day:
Peternity (noun): Imbecile western executives with lots of money, even more free time on their hands, and zero common sense or connection with reality, find new ways to simultaneously ruin their companies, their societies, and further degrade the value of human life.
$300,000 jewelry for dogs, leave for animal bereavement. Like I said, PETA a/k/a PUTAh has won. For us, animals are, indeed, people.
: Reader J has already experienced executives who take “Pet-ernity Leave”:
I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your story about pets’ elevated status.
I used to work for a major American investment bank here in the UK. One day my boss (the European head of Client Service and Administration) got up from her desk in a panic – was crying and headed for the elevator after telling us she had to leave because “something terrible had happened at home.” Naturally, we all assumed there had been a serious accident or death in the family. Well, there was a death – two of her kids’ guinea pigs had died. She was gone for the rest of the day. Of course, after everyone found out what happened no one could take her seriously. At a department meeting shortly after, a colleague of mine actually had the nerve to ask her if she thought her pets had made some sort of suicide pact (I can’t deny it was hilarious).
I understand that people do care about their pets, and I’m not making fun of that but seriously. . . .
Yeah, seriously. If only some sense of seriousness entered into it. Sadly, Pet-ernity is the comedy that is very real.
Question: When will they be giving Pet-ernity leave for pet rock collections?
There is a difference between a human being and a pet. A human being can never be replaced. A pet can be. What’s absurd is treating one’s cat or a dog as as a little person!
NormanF on February 18, 2009 at 1:37 pm