January 27, 2012, - 5:07 pm
Wknd Box Office: The Grey, Man on a Ledge, Albert Nobbs, Pina, One for the Money
I actually liked two of the new movies, this weekend, not the usual for January, which along with August is the Pet Cemetery of movies, where Hollywood sends cinematic crap to die.
* “The Grey“: This stars Liam “I’m considering converting to Islam” Neeson. But other than that, I liked it. It’s very realistic, very bleak, very dark. But it’s the kind of adventure-filled, man-versus-the-wild (and the elements) movie that I enjoy. And there is a spiritual, religious (Christian, NOT Muslim) aspect to it.
A group of men who work on an oil-drilling team are in a plane, which crashes in the middle of the tundra. They must fight off wolves and extreme cold and hunger to survive. Neeson becomes their self-appointed leader and authority on survival, after initially considering committing suicide back at the oil drilling camp before they ever board their plane “home.” There are many scenes with wolves, and there is, predictably, death and destruction. It’s somewhat grisly, so do not send your kids. It’s rated R for a reason.
If there’s one drawback, it’s the gratuitous and subtle slap at corporate America and the rich: every rich guy and executive dies upon impact, and only the working-class laborers carry on, trying to survive.
If you see this, make sure you stay through the credits, or you’ll miss the “stinger,” an added scene that shows it isn’t over when you thought it was.
And remember, if you do go see this, you might be contributing to Mr. Neeson’s future zakat [Islamic “charity] fund. We don’t live in a vacuum, and these things matter.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Man on a Ledge“: This is another movie that I liked, but for its slap at corporate titans and class warfare. The villain is a very wealthy CEO. The hero is working-class.
Handsome Australian actor Sam Worthington plays a New York cop who is sentenced to prison and stages an escape. Then, he checks into New York’s Roosevelt Hotel and goes out on the ledge, requesting the cop played by the beautiful Elizabeth Banks to be the negotiator to prevent him from jumping. While this is going on, there is a connected caper taking place. And it all ties together. I enjoyed this mostly original concept, until the ending feat, which simply isn’t believable, nor is Worthington’s accent as a New York working-class cop of Irish heritage (his Australian accent comes through loud and clear at times). But, overall, it was a nice escapist movie and full of suspense at times.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Albert Nobbs“: Destined to be a lesbian cult classic. Glenn Close plays a woman who cross-dresses as a man, “Albert Nobbs,” in order to get a good job at a hotel and survive in 19th Century Ireland. While at the hotel, she meets an equally lesbionic woman dressing as a man (who does handiwork at the hotel) and looks into starting a romance with him/her/it, discovering that he/she is already married to a woman. Albert Nobbs then decides she/he also wants to marry a woman and tries to star a romance with a young female hotel maid (Mia Wasikowska). Even with all this, nothing really happens in this movie and you wonder why you wasted your time. This movie wasn’t just weird, slow, boring, and depressing, it was annoying and creepy, too. Yuck.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR JANET NAPOLITANOS
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Pina“: Oy vey. I could not wait until this uber-pretentious modern “dance” movie was over. Is running around a forest in a cocktail dress with a leaf blower blowing leaves, “dance?” Is a guy sitting on his butt moving his feet and butt around the platform, “dance?” Is a bunch of people flailing around like Elaine from “Seinfeld,” “dance?” Is writhing around in dirt, getting dirt shoveled on you by a woman in high heels, and running around with a tree strapped to your back, “dance?” Only if you believe in the emperor’s new clothing, despite the fact that he’s stark naked. Oh and speaking of that, many of the chick dancers in this movie must be members of SAG. They were badly in need of bras, and not in a sexy way. And why the heck was this in 3D? To make the ridiculous, 3D ridiculous? Even worse, it’s mostly in German with English subtitles.
For the record, I took several years of modern dance as a kid, but this was insane. I wanted to laugh loudly and repeatedly during the screening, but I worked hard to restrain myself. Methinks Isadora Duncan is turning over in her grave.
This “documentary” by German filmmaker Wim Wenders was absurd and boring as heck. It’s for weird liberals who pretend that something that ain’t there is some sort of masterpiece. Ah, I just now figured out the Obama vote! This movie is supposed to be a tribute to dead choreographer Pina Bausch by her dancers. You’d think this woman was “G-d on earth” to hear them talk of her. Made me sick … especially when I saw what she conned them into believing was dance. Hilarious. Even more hilarious was that the pretentious crowd with which I saw this actually applauded at the end.
Like I said, now I understand the people who voted for Obama. Ain’t nothin’ there. And you wonder why more Americans would rather go bowling than have their tax dollars fund fakery like this posing as “art” and “humanities.”
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR JOKERS
Watch the trailer . . .
* “One For the Money“: This film adaptation of Janet Evanovich’s “thrillers” about a bounty hunter, named Stephanie Plum, wasn’t screened for critics. I should have learned my lesson about that. But, instead, I punished myself, paid full admission, and went to see the midnight show, last night, so I could review it for you. Utter CUH-RAP.
Katherine Heigl goes back and forth from her own accent to a bad, stereotypical New Jersey skank accent in playing Plum But that wasn’t nearly as awful as the script, “plot,” and pretty much everything else about this silly movie without a point or much of a story. Guys, if your girlfriend or wife tries to drag you to this, avoid it like the plague. It would be a compliment to call this a B movie. More like an H. Oh, and it’s filled with crass, stupid stereotypes against Italians, of which you can see far better on “Jersey Shore.”
Heigl plays a broke, divorced woman whose car is repossessed and who loses her job selling lingerie at a department store. She begins working for her sleazy cousin as a bounty hunter, trying to catch a man she once slept with, stalked, and ran over–a handsome cop accused of murder. Believe me, I’m making this sound infinitely better than it is.
The movie is populated by cheesy, dopey lines and moves from Debbie Reynolds, who plays the grandmother. And there’s also the annoying Sherri Shepherd from ABC’s anti-male yenta hag-fest, “The View,” playing what pretty much everyone on “The View” actually is, a hooker.
I could not wait for this movie to end. It’s low-quality Gitmo torture. If Evanovich’s best-selling “thrillers” are as stupid as this movie, you know what that says about the gazillions of American women who made her a multi-millionaire and best-seller: STOOOPID.
FOUR MARXES
Watch the trailer . . .
Tags: Albert Nobbs, Debbie Reynolds, Elizabeth Banks, Glen Close, Glenn Close, Isadora Duncan, Janet Evanovich, Katherine Heigl, Liam Neeson, Man On a Ledge, modern dance, movie, movie review, Movie Reviews, One for the Money, Pina, Pina Bausch, Sam Worthington, Sherri Shepherd, The Grey, Wim Wenders
Sounds like I will not see any of these POS movies. I refuse to see any movie with Islamic sympathizers, nor those movies where multimillionaire producers, writers, actors, etc. attack capitalism.
Face facts. When they are attacking capitalist corporate execs, often they are attacks on America, and yes, often on successful Jewish businessmen (although not always..you don’t have to be Jewish for Hollywood to hate you. you can be a successful Protestant, Italian, Irish, etc, but Jewish businessmen are now the ultimate boogeymen in these Arab funded movies).
Jonathan E. Grant on January 27, 2012 at 5:31 pm