May 30, 2008, - 4:34 pm
Weekend Box Office: Nothing Worth Seeing – Horrid “Sex,” Torture Porn “Strangers,” Anti-Western “Rains”
By Debbie Schlussel
I’m introducing a new ratings system, invented by Mike Church for my movie reviews on his Sirius Patriot Channel 144 show (every Friday Morning between 10:30 and 11:30 a.m.). I will be using Reagans and Marxes. Four Reagans means it’s great. Four Marxes, it stinks to high heaven (or low Communist hell, actually).
All three new releases, this week, are terrible and earn four Marxes apiece.
* “Sex And The City“: Read my complete review. Four slutty, middle-aged hags turn their annoying, anti-male HBO show into a movie. It’s even worse than the show. Completely disgusting, vile, and juvenile. Again, read my complete review.
FOUR MARXES
* “The Strangers“: This movie was 1.5 hours of torture porn–a violent, disgusting snuff film that has no purpose. It’s not interesting, not scary, just stupid. No point to it, other than to further define deviancy down in America and contribute to the gratuitous violence and desensitizing that is all too common.
Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman star as boyfriend and girlfriend who are vacationing at his father’s house in the country. They’ve just returned to the house, after she rejected his marriage proposal, and they’re not exactly happy. Suddenly, they are terrorized by three people with masks who torture and try to kill them. Horrid and a waste of time.
FOUR MARXES
* “Before the Rains“: The evil, capitalist Western White man destroys the dark man native’s life and all that is around him, causing death, destruction, and pain.
That’s the message of this movie that takes place in the 1930s in India, under British rule. While some Indians are protesting the English and trying to drive them out through strikes and road blockages, the main character here is still in the throes of his evil, capitalist fantasy of building roads on which to better transport the spices he sells.
A married man, he’s having an affair with his married Indian servant. Her husband finds out, she kills herself, and death and destruction ensues for the local Indian villagers, including his other Indian servant. But he–the Englishman–gets away with murder. The end.
FOUR MARXES
Cute and funny. 😉 Hollywood should really make eve of summer movies people want to watch. I guess its either a slow weekend or they ran out of scripts!
NormanF on May 30, 2008 at 5:24 pm