By Debbie Schlussel

I will have two more movie reviews tomorrow, but here are the two the studios allowed me to post today.  Per usual, the kids movie is the better one by far, but both are sequels and neither shines.  Not even close.

*  “The Hangover Part II“:  I hated the original “The Hangover” (read my review), which I thought was disgusting, vulgar, vile, juvenile, and not all that funny . . . unless you’re part of the vast segment of America that is the great unwashed dummies–frat boys, sorority sisters, and all the morons who are obsessed with the Kardashians. But this second installment–which is more of the same, only far worse–makes the first one look like Shakespearian masterpiece stuff. BTW, Bill Clinton was supposed to have a cameo in this flick. Maybe he changed his mind, ‘cuz I didn’t see him anywhere onscreen. Smart move.

Yes, I laughed a few times–very few–but I’m embarrassed to say so. If you love nauseating movies complete with naked transsexuals who have female breasts and penises right in your face, stories about a groom-to-be having anal sex with them, cut-off fingers, jokes about Asian women being flat-chested, and monkeys who smoke cigarettes, well this movie is for you, and please leave America. Sadly, this movie already did $10 million in business at midnight screenings, last night, and will probably make hundreds of millions. As I always note, there’s no accounting for good taste in America. ‘Cuz there’s very little of it. This movie was garbage, and garbage sells.

Oh, and the writers of this crap made sure it’s pointed out that the character, Stu the dentist, is a Jew–yup, the guy who has sex with the male transsexual and gets a Mike Tyson tattoo on his face. Thanks, Ed Helms (who plays Stu), for maligning my people. And memo to Ed: come up with a new act. Your “nerdy, innocent guy gets corrupted” routine gets old . . . especially after I’ve seen you play it in every movie and TV show in which you star. On the other hand, we Jews are always the ones who get screwed, including by this piece of dung movie.

Like I said, shots of cut-off fingers, Mike Tyson tattoos tattooed on main characters’ faces, a monkey who smokes, a shaved head, licking a sleeping/drugged out Asian guy’s penis and saying it tastes like mushrooms, and a monk in a wheel chair–haha funny. . . if you’re a moron And American ain’t got no shortage of movie-going morons, as last night showed. No surprise.

The story: the original scumbags–Justin Bartha, Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper, and Ed Helms–and their four-letter filled comments are back. They go to Thailand, where Stu is set to marry the Thai daughter of a wealthy, classy man, who is, of course, a bad guy for having class, dignity, and wanting his kids to do well in school and play classical music. The nerve of him!  Gee, and we wonder why Asians are beating us in so many academic and business arenas.  Yeah, let’s keep attacking their focus on achievement in our movies, while they laugh all the way to the bank and at us in real life.

The night before the wedding, they go to the beach for a beer and wake up the next morning in Bangkok with a missing finger, their drugged-out Chinese drug dealer friend from the first movie (Ken Jeong, who gave up his real-life career as a doctor to act in crap like this and defame his own Asian people), Galifianakis’ head shaved, and Ed Helms’ face tattooed, and Teddy–the groom’s brother-in-law-to-be–is missing, except for his dismembered finger. The rest of the movie is spent searching for Teddy, finding out what happened the night before, and trying to get to the wedding.

Who cares? I sure didn’t. Garbage isn’t interesting. Neither is excrement. They just smell. And this movie stunk. And it’s basically a rehash of the first one, with the exact same “jokes” plus more crap. Refried absolute crap . . . the kind that makes great recruitment material and propaganda against America and the West, beyond what the ghost of Osama Bin Laden could ever hope for.

Western values are to be celebrated. Western decadence is to be restrained. So sad, that Hollywood doesn’t know the difference. Nor does America’s movie-going public.

FOUR MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA PLUS A BIN LADEN

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Kung Fu Panda 2“: While this wasn’t the greatest kids movie ever and it was kinda dull at times, it was also cute at times and is fine for your kids.  All the originals from the first incarnation of this animated movie are back, including the voice of Palestina Jolie.  Jack Black’s Po unites with them to use his kung fu against evil wolves and, then, a bigger villain, in the form of an evil peacock who wants to destroy kung fu forever.  Plus Po finally discovers where he came from and what happened to his parents.

As I noted, it’s perfectly okay for kids and has some touching, cute, cuddly moments among other dull ones.  It is wholesome, unlike most of the crap served up at the movies, these days.  Not sure why this needed to be 3-D, but it was.  Mildly entertaining for adults, though they are not the target audience, obviously.

ONE AND A HALF REAGANS

Watch the trailer . . .