By Debbie Schlussel
While there are several new offerings at theaters, this weekend, I can’t recommend any of them. They are all skipworthy. Rent something, or try to see “Flawless,” “The Bank Job,” or “The Counterfeiters,” all already in theaters. I did not screen “Young at Heart,” due to scheduling conflicts, and I did not screen “Deception,” as I was told it was not being screened for critics, a bad sign.
* “Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay“: As my friend, Sirius Patriot Channel host Mike Church (on whose show I do movie reviews every Friday morning) says, the audience of young, stupid frat boys, etc. that will go to see this movie, are the same crowd that are working for and will vote for Barack Hussein Obama. And whatta coincidence!–star Kal Penn is spending his time campaigning for Obama.

As I predicted, this movie is more Gitmo Trutherism from Hollywood and other similar political BS. No, Americans aren’t held at Gitmo, nor are aliens taken from American soil to that detention facility. So, right off the bat, this vulgar comedy is entirely BS. This very raunchy movie was completely disgusting, full of bathroom humor and constant gratuitous vagina, penis, and breast shots . . . so many it could have been a porn movie. Plus it made a political statement: that our counterterrorism policy is a racist, degrading over-reaction carried out by complete idiots. Well, at least, they got the last part right.
This sequel to “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” takes place the day after the setting of that movie. Harold and Kumar are traveling to Amsterdam, where they can realize their dream of smoking endless legalized pot. But Kumar sneaks a make-shift bong on the plane, and it is mistaken for a bomb. They are accused of being terrorists by the Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security, who is a complete idiot (yes, it does resemble real life in certain ways) and a racist. The two pot-smoking Americans of color are sent to Gitmo, where all inmates are forced to perform oral sex on the guards. That’s how they are, er, “fed.” Gross.
They escape and try to get to Texas, where their acquaintance, a son of one of President Bush’s close buddy, can help them get out of the terrorism charges. Problem is, he’s also about to marry the woman of Kumar’s dreams and he wants to stop that. Meanwhile, Homeland Security is tracking them, and they run into their old friend, Neil Patrick Harris (of “Doogie Howser” fame).
There isn’t one good White person in this entire movie. Even a biracial TSA screener is a “bad guy.” All White people in the movie are stupid, hickish, inbred, racist, evil, or some combination thereof. President Bush is a major pot-smoking hypocrite (well, they, again, get the second part right). The movie also makes fun of Jews as cheap and money-grubbing, but, hey, it’s written by self-hating Jews, so I guess that means it’s okay (by Hollywood “standards”). All White Americans are to be mocked and disrespected–that’s the message of this highly annoying and sickening movie.
While it has its very funny moments, skip this movie if you have any taste or class whatsoever. Or if you have a conscience. Cinema for the sub-human.
* “Baby Mama“: The former SNL-team of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler star in this flick about a career woman and exec (Fey) at a Whole Foods-esque supermarket chain who suddenly decides she wants to become a single mother but can’t conceive. She decides to enlist a surrogate mother (Poehler), a hick from a nearby Philly neighborhood, to have her child. Unfortunately, the surrogate moves in with her and “hilarity” ensues.
This movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be–Steve Martin is hilarious as a silly, new-aged CEO of the organic supermarket chain–but it isn’t great either. It has its funny moments, but mostly, it’s just stupid. And it’s very predictable. It doesn’t completely glorify becoming a single mother, as I thought it would, though.

* “Chicago 10“: Almost 40 years after Yippie protesters disrupted the 1968 Democratic National Convention, this inane, annoying, and phony documentary attempts to glorify these 8(7) men who made life hell for Chicago police, residents, convention delegates, and a federal judge. The movie literally gave me a headache. And it doesn’t explain why the “Chicago Seven” (originally, “Chicago Eight”) are now called the “Ten.” Either someone did so many drugs then, he can’t add, or he’s adding the two prosecutors.
I admit that I walked out on this so-called “documentary,” which alternates between animated re-creations of the Chicago 7 trial and news footage of real-life interviews with them at the time they planned and carried out their violent “non-violent” protests. With the constant loud music, bad accents (from Boston, etc.) using the voices of B-movie actors, and the one-sided presentation of the motives, behavior, and results thereof of the Chicago 7, this movie was a boring, aimless piece of propaganda and a waste of my time.
Take my lead, and don’t waste your time.
* “The Grand“: This over-the-top comedy that is supposed to parody the real-life “World Series of Poker” was mostly very stupid and not funny. It stars, among others, Woody Harrelson. If you love poker, you might like this, but probably not. A waste of time.

* “The Visitor“: This debuted in New York and L.A. a few weeks ago and is in nationwide release, this weekend. The premise–that Muslim illegal aliens brighten up Americans’ lives and are unfairly treated by our country and its policies–is absurd. Heavily marketed to the Islamic and Arabic communities in America, I will be posting a full column review of this high quality Bin Laden cinema, very soon. Stay tuned.