March 14, 2008, - 1:59 pm
Weekend Box Office: Violent Karate Kid Rip-Off Starring Hot Guy, German Torture Porn Reproduced by Naomi Watts
By Debbie Schlussel
Unfortunately, I could not review “Horton Hears a Who!” as the only screening for critics was held on Saturday, the Jewish Sabbath. “Doomsday” was not screened for critics, usually a sign that it’s a bomb (may see and review later). But here’s what I did screen:
* “Never Back Down“: So, a guy in high school moves across the country with his working-class single mom to a new town in a sunny environ, where he and mom live in an apartment and his classmates are rich kids in mansions. He sees a blonde girl he likes. But she’s dating the cocky, most popular fair-haired jock in high school, who is a martial arts champion and keeps beating the new guy up. So the new guy trains with an immigrant with a foreign accent on how to fight back and beat the nemesis and win the girl.
Sound familiar? If it sounds like the plot of “The Karate Kid,” you’re right. But it’s also the plot of “Never Back Down,” an updated version of the charming 1980s hit movie.
This one is more cheesy and far more violent and bloody than “The Karate Kid.” Ultimate Fighting/Mixed Martial Arts has replaced calm and “wimpy” karate here. Another big difference is that, instead of wimpy Ralph Machio, the new guy in this one is the steaming hot Sean Faris who is already a fighter and a tough guy in his original Iowa hometown, when he moves to Orlando with his mother and tennis champ brother. And his fights are all over Youtube, where all the new kids see and drool over him and the resident hometown tough guy yearns to beat him–and does, several times.
Also gone is the late Pat Morita and his Mr. Miyagi, with the instructions of “Wax On, Wax Off.” Instead, there is Djimon Hounsou, who runs and lives in an ultimate fighting gym 365/24/7. And in this case, instead of the hot blond nemesis, Billy Zabka, the less appealing unknown Cam Gigandet plays the violent antagonist.
The message of the movie, amidst the violence, is a good one: Our hero doesn’t want to fight, but now he must train to beat up the bully who repeatedly picks fights with him, so he won’t have to fight again. Yet, it’s not consistent, as Faris fights and messes up three innocent motorists who make the mistake of beeping their horn repeatedly.
While I liked this somewhat cheesy guilty pleasure–seeing this hot guy in various states of shirtlessness and undress, what red-blooded girl would not? (Studio reps asked me to interview Faris when he was in town recently, and I regret that I turned it down.)–I could have done without the excessive violence and the gratuitous lesbian kissing scene in a hot tub. This movie is marketed to young teen girls and guys, and that irrelevant act spoiled it.
“The Karate Kid” was far superior and original, but this updated version wasn’t too bad, though more for eye candy reasons than for substantive ones.
* “Funny Games“: In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, last week, German writer/director Michael Haneke–who already made this exact movie in German 11 years ago–said the point of this movie is
to show the viewer that he is an accomplice in the violence.
Um, no. The only accomplices to the violence in this disgusting, two-hour torture-porn fiasco are Haneke and stars Naomi Watts and Tim Roth.
Shame on Watts, who also produces this horrid, painful, violent movie that makes “Saw” look like Shakespeare in comparison. On her appearances, this week, on late night talk shows like “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Watts told Kimmel the purpose of the movie is to warn us against the violence in movies, but she seemed unsure as she tried to say so. That’s because this movie promotes and further escalates violence with no purpose and further depraves and desensitizes Americans. We didn’t need this movie, nor did we need these two foreigners to “warn” us about the act that they perpetrated against us by making this garbage.
The “plot”: An upper class couple (Watts and Roth) and their young son and dog are terrorized, tortured, and slowly murdered by two preppy, pseudo-gay young men in tennis whites. The end.
There’s nothing funny about “Funny Games.” The only joke is on you, if you shell out the ten bucks to see it.
Tags: Billy Zabka, Cam Gigandet, Debbie Schlussel Unfortunately, Djimon Hounsou, Funny Games, Horton Hears a Who!, Iowa, Jimmy Kimmel Live, karate, Michael Haneke, Naomi Watts, Naomi Watts By Debbie Schlussel, Never Back Down, Orlando, Pat Morita, Ralph Machio, Saw, Sean Faris, tennis, The Karate Kid, the Wall Street Journal, Tim Roth, Wall Street Journal, Writer /Director, YouTube
actually, both the movie and the writer/director is Austrian.
It might not be a huge difference, but for anyone familiar with German or German movies, is it a huge difference. Unfortunately, German movies suck just as much as Austrian ones…
[SF: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL CALLS HIM A “GERMAN-BORN AUSTRIAN DIRECTOR” AND THE FILM A “GERMAN-LANGUAGE” FILM. DS]
Schlusselfan on March 14, 2008 at 4:59 pm