February 25, 2011, - 12:47 pm
Weekend Box Office: Hall Pass, Drive Angry 3D
Utter, complete garbage at the movies, this weekend. Neither of the new releases is worth your $10 or two hours of life you’ll have wasted. Both movies are vulgar, vile, and disgusting, and you don’t need to be a prude to get that. This weekend, movie theaters across America are officially the nation of Dreck-istan.
* “Hall Pass“: Two words: Joy Behar. Anything that has her in it should be enough to keep you far, far away (even if she’s only in a few scenes). I liked this better the first time I saw it . . . when it was called, “Divorce American Style.” The premise of this movie could have been interesting, if it didn’t devolve into a disgusting, raunchy piece of utter garbage, with few jokes worth laughing at. Oh, and did I really need repeat close-up shots of two penises in my face on the screen? The point of the Squirrely, er . . . Farrelly Brothers in doing this is to let you know that Black men have large penises and White Irish men have tiny ones. Thanks for the tip, racists.
As usual, there’s a strong tie between purveying garbage and purveying liberalism. Director/writer Peter Farrelly gave tens of thousands of dollars to the Democratic Party and the campaigns of Barack Obama, John Kerry, Al Franken, Wesley Clark, the Clintons, many other liberal candidates, and the National Democratic Senatorial and Congressional Campaign Committees. Figures. Only liberals are allowed to make racist, sexist crap like this and be celebrated for it.
The “plot” of this celluloid cesspool: two middle-aged, married, geeky husbands (Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis) in suburban Providence repeatedly check out younger, sexier women and wish they could have sex with them. Their wives (Christina Applegate and Jenna Fischer) get fed up and, on the advice of psychiatrist Joy Behar, give their husbands a “hall pass,” a week off from marriage to do whatever they want and sleep with whomever they want. The theory is that these middle-aged geeks will not be able to get what they think they could have if they were not “shackled” to their wives and families. As always in sexist, anti-male Hollywood fare like this, men are portrayed as sex-obsessed dolts and morons. But the women are civilized geniuses.
Chock full of melodrama, crying, screaming, and other stuff I didn’t need or want at what is supposed to be an escapist movie, this piece of crap is literally filled with crap. The jokes include four men eating too many marijuana-laced brownies and one of them defecating in the sand trap on the golf course. To remove any doubt, the Farrelly Bros show you the guy’s naked butt squatting, and a pile of fecal material underneath him. Haha, funny. In another scene, a woman splatters fecal material all over a bathroom wall. Hilarious . . . if you’re an imbecile. And then there are the penis close-ups and topless women. When weak filmmakers rely on that–filth and dung–for laughs, do I really need to tell you that this is a truly sh—y movie? Fifteen years ago, this would have been rated NC-17, at the very least.
While there were a few cheap laughs, I mostly sat in stone cold silence as the many morons at the screening laughed like crazy. This is one of those increasing number of cases where snobbery and elitism are highly under-rated. “Hall Pass” is a combined national IQ and taste test for America. If you like it, you failed–you have no class. And even less intellect. And it confirms your membership in the very simple and easy to please masses. That’s why I predict it will be a blockbuster hit at the box office, this weekend.
There’s no accounting for good taste in America. It’s as rare as these crappy movies are common. Have fun in the sewer, America. Great nations never last under the weight of all this fecal material.
FOUR MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA PLUS A BIN LADEN
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Drive Angry 3D“: Absolutely horrible and gratuitously violent to the max, not to mention extremely long and boring. Trailers for this movie present it as something like “Taken.” Don’t believe the hype. This movie is nothing like “Taken,” which was terrific (read my review). Instead, it’s nearly two hours of torture-porn and killing-porn, plus many gratuitous shots of naked women running around and having sex in semi-core porn scenes. And the “plot”–if you can call it that–is incredibly dumb. No surprise, as this movie was written by Todd Farmer, a Hollywood writer/actor who never grew up and is obviously in the middle of a mid-life crisis. Or, maybe, he’s just led an entire life of utter low-class pride in screenwriting complete trash like “Jason X,” “My Bloody Valentine,” “Halloween III,” and “Hellraiser.” He also co-stars and–shocker–puts himself in one of the sex scenes.
Nicolas Cage plays a father who has returned to earth from hell to find the cult leader who murdered his daughter and to reclaim his kidnapped granddaughter. All the while he is being pursued by a man with magical powers, called “The Accountant.” Cage drives across the southern East Coast together with a beautiful waitress (Amber Heard, who does a very lousy Southern accent). Together they have sex with and kill multiple people, with graphic dismemberment and body parts flying at you in 3D. Charming. It’s clear that Nicolas Cage did this movie to pay his giant IRS bill. Or maybe he really thinks it’s fun to play a bad-ass while serving up complete junk to America. And just like, “Hall Pass,” above, this movie would have been at least NC-17, not long ago.
Like I said, the movie is absolutely disgusting, vile, filthy, graphic, and just flat-out sleazy. While there are a few brief cool uses of 3D, that’s irrelevant to this utter and complete garbage. A complete bucket o’ feces. And that’s being generous.
FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN
Watch the trailer . . .
Tags: Amber Heard, Bobby Farrelly, Christina Applegate, dreck-istan, Dreckistan, Drive Angry 3D, Farrelly Brothers, Hall Pass, Jason Sudeikis, Jenna Fischer, Joy Behar, movie, movie review, Movie Reviews, Nicholas Cage, Nicolas Cage, Owen Wilson, Peter Farrelly, Todd Farmer
Debbie, I am sorry that you have to do so many movie reviews. Because I would have given these movies the same score you did just based upon seeing the trailers. I knew instantly to stay far, far away from both of these. Total waste of time.
You have my sympathies!
Sorry on February 25, 2011 at 1:03 pm