By Debbie Schlussel
This has got to be the false advertising or anti-truth-in-advertising story of the year.
What do you do when you have a city from which people are escaping in droves? What do you do when your city has a record high number of foreclosures due to unpaid mortgages?
Well, if you’re Dearbornistan–especially if you’re the corrupt mayor, John “Jack” O’Reilly, and under investigation for “favors” you did for Hezbollah’s chief American financier, Talal Chahine–you spend $300,000 of taxpayer money in a new marketing campaign, trying to convince people why Dearbornistan is a great place to live:

“We want to say if you haven’t considered Dearborn, you’re not working in your best interest,” [said] Mayor John O’Reilly.

Hilarious.

Yes, and if you haven’t considered Islam and beheading, you’re not working in your best interest. And if you haven’t taken bribes and kickbacks in exchange for voting to give millions to Hezbollah’s financier and shielding a corrupt Hezbollah-supporting cop for years–as Mayor O’Reilly seems to have done–you’re not working in your best interest. But, don’t worry, Mayor O’Reilly continues to work in his best interest.
So, what kind of points would you make with such an exorbitant marketing campaign? Well, here’s a suggestion:
* This is a great American city, where there aren’t intolerant Muslims dominating the landscape, schools, and every other part of life. You will be far away from the jihads of the Middle East.
Oh, wait, it’s Dearbornistan a/k/a Little Bint Jbeil, Hezbollah’s American beachhead. Cross that one off the list. Definitely doesn’t apply.
* Shawarmeh in every pot, a mosque on every corner.
* Your neighborhood will be neat and clean, your neighbors the same, and you will enjoy our tight-night communities.
Oh, wait, it’s Deabornistan a/k/a Land of Mortgage Fraud Funding to Hezbollah Leading to Mass Foreclosures. Last year, 1,400 homes in Dearbornistan were foreclosed upon, and this year, the number will be bigger.
Yep, if you live in Dearborn, especially on the East side, your block is likely to be dotted with foreclosed upon, horribly kept houses, that double as prostitution and drug houses by the in-name-only owner. A high incidence of mortgage fraud–mostly by Muslims funnelling the money to Hezbollah–creates these “lovely” ghetto neighborhoods.
So, how exactly do you market Siberia as Palm Beach? Well, you become the marketing director of Palm Beach . . . which doesn’t need a marketing director. It’s Palm Beach, not Dearbornistan.
You can try and make people think that a local pawn shop is Neiman Marcus. But it’s still Gus’ Pawn Shop.
And Dearbornistan is still Dearbornistan. That’s why Christians and other non-Muslims are leaving in droves.
Will the last infidel please turn out the lights on your way out?
On the other hand, here are some of the real marketing points for Dearborn:
* Free daily singing Arabic wake-up call at 5:00 a.m. In case you went to sleep too early, you get the same wake-up call several times a day as late as 10:00 p.m. Features charming lyrics about Allah being the greatest.
* Who said hats were out of style? A large selection of headscarves and coverings in Black, Black-Brown, and Dark Charcoal available all over town.
* Lost your copy of Mein Kampf? Your Arabic copy and other literature about what THE JOOOOS are up to, available at Middle East Bookstore, down the road.
* Feet bothering you? Wash them in luxurious tax-subsidized footbaths at the local universities.
* Lots of Middle East restaurants that operate on a cash only basis, where you avoid the middle man in your Hezbollah holiday “gifting”.
* Lovely rounded calligraphy on store signs all over town. Bring your loyal translator, in case of emergency.
* Express HAMAS funding: Getting your car “repaired” at that Shell gas station also pays the Holy Land Foundation.
* Need to channel Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to see how a late relative is doing in hell? Go see his former aide, Imam Elahi.
* Need a sham husband so you can infiltrate the Marines, the FBI, or the CIA for Hezbollah? La Shish dishwashers are at your service.
* Plenty of parks for trying out your AK-47 while in camo.
* Four wives? Under Michigan’s great family-friendly program, you only need to get a marriage certificate for one of them. The rest can go on welfare and Medicaid.
* Trouble with building code violations? Just give the Mayor an *ahem* “gift,” and it’ll all work out. We want to “work” with our residents . . . especially if they come bearing that Middle East, old world delicacy: untraceable cash.
* Hey, it’s not the mountains of Afghanistan. But sometimes it resembles the caves.