By Debbie Schlussel

It’s another rental weekend at the box office.  Neither of these new films, opening today, is worth the ten bucks, two hours, and–in the case of many around the country–braving the cold.

*  “The Roommate“:  I liked this much better the first time . . . when it was called, “Single White Female.”  This wasn’t screened for critics, so I knew it would be bad when I paid to see it, so I could review it for you.  It wasn’t as bad as I expected, but it was pretty bad.

You know the drill:  creepy, nutty, needy chick roommate stalks fellow chick roommate and attacks her boyfriend and everyone else in the fellow roommate’s life, when the normal one tries to leave.  Like I said:  “Single White Female.”  In this case, the story takes place on a college campus with freshman and has a cheap insertion of a gratuitous lipstick lesbian make-out scene.  But other than that, it’s the same story . . . with more S-words.  Come on, Hollywood, come up with something original.  In this go-round, Leighton Meester plays the insane one.  Major League Baseball actress-girlfriend-of-the-month (currently dating Derek Jeter) plays the object of the obsession. It also features anti-American, anti-Semitic Billy Zane in a small role. In his last role, he was defaming American soldiers in a movie produced by Turkey and shown to the Muslim world, so he’s movin’ up in the world.

Utter dreck, totally predictable, and not scary in the least.  But it does provide a shower scene that’ll teach moronic girls not to get their belly buttons pierced.  Or maybe not.  The age group at which this is aimed–teens and 20-somethings just won’t be that discerning because, hey, they’re wasting life and dollars on this movie.  I’m sure they’ll eat it  up like cotton candy.  I’ve rarely had a 93 minute movie seem so long.

Not a FOUR MARXES movie, since it’s mildly entertaining as a guilty pleasure for being crappy enough.  But, then again, it’s mostly garbage, so it gets .  .  .

THREE MARXES

Watch the trailer .  .  .

*  “Sanctum“:  This one surprisingly DID get screened for critics.  But don’t let it fool you.  It was sadistic, long, slow, and boring.  Not to mention, pointless, not scary, and not even a great action adventure.  The “action” was mostly slow and consisted of water falling and people walking in an underground cavern, while yelling at each other.  And there was little adventure.  A lot of people die.

The story:  a selfish, playboy billionaire finances a diving and underwater expedition in one of the world’s deepest underwater caves, deep in a jungle somewhere near the coast of Australia.  But, soon, disaster strikes.  Oxygen tanks fail, people drown, and a rain storm starts to fill the cave.  Soon there is no way out and the Aussie leader of the expedition must help, his son, and others, including the billionaire get out through some other way in the tunnels and streams of the cave.

I didn’t enjoy this, though I generally love disaster/exploration thrillers like this.  That’s because it was just mostly sadistic, bloody for no reason, and stupid.  I mean–really?–a woman would rather risk her life and refuse to put on the wetsuit of someone who has already died?  Not believable.  And just illogical.

Also, like almost every other movie these days, it’s in 3D, which wasn’t necessary and adds nothing.  Produced by James Cameron, director of “Avatar”  (read my review).

Not worth your time and money . . . and I can’t believe I braved a snowstorm to see it.

ONE MARX

Watch the trailer . . .