By Debbie Schlussel

Since apparently all of the 20 million illegal aliens within our borders have been apprehended and sent packing, and no one is trying to export or import night-vision goggles and Ak-47s for terrorists, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents are, instead, keeping us safe by seizing ten websites that allegedly streamed illegal NFL, WWE, and UFC feeds online. Aren’t you glad to see the federal agents whose salaries you pay work on behalf of the Gulf State Muslim sheikhs who own a significant percentage of UFC? allahu FUBAR. Ditto for ICE.

ICE . . . Keepin’ the Homeland Safe From UFC Streaming & Superbowl T-Shirts

Even though ICE is Homeland Security’s largest law enforcement agency, the agency is clearly involved in something that has absolutely nothing to do with apprehending illegal aliens and/or enforcing customs laws. It’s something that should be the subject of a civil lawsuit and at best local police or the FBI, NOT agents from the Department of Homeland Security, with whose mission this has absolutely no connection.

And that’s the problem. As I’ve repeatedly noted, ICE is an agency without a concrete mission. The mission of investigating terrorists was long ago relinquished to the FBI. And as for immigration enforcement, Agents have been hamstrung by Janet Napoli-man-o from doing worksite enforcement raids on employers of illegal aliens. And agents told me they must fill out more than seven forms and get approval from ICE headquarters in Washington before they arrest a single illegal alien. And, per usual, ICE chief, John Moron Morton and the woman who really “runs” (into the ground) ICE, Suzie “Stripper Pole” Barr, want headlines. What better way to get headlines than stop something that has the sexy letters, “NFL,” in it right before Super Bowl Sunday?

Also, every year, as I note on this site, the ICE Trademark & Copyright Police–working on behalf of billionaire NFL owners (see also here), NOT you–swarm the site of the Super Bowl to harass poor vendors trying to make a buck with T-shirts and sweatshirts that say completely untrademarked stuff, like “Pittsburgh Football,” or “Green Bay Gridiron,” on them.

Feel safer? Me, neither. And here’s why . . .

T-shirts and sweatshirts aren’t a major threat to my country or my safety. And, never–not in a single case–has ICE shown that the T-shirt sellers at the Supe were tied to Islamic terrorists, organized crime, or anything else. In fact, in most cases, they take the t-shirts and sweatshirts and release the sellers without even taking a name and address.

I don’t blame ICE agents for the dumb website gig and the t-shirt police stuff. They have no juice and must do as they’re ordered to remain employed. I blame their bureaucrat bosses, like Moron Morton and Stripper Pole Barr, who seek headlines and have zero experience in law enforcement. They call the shots . . . and do as much as possible not to protect America, preferring their ability to eat and stay at the shi-shi-est of restaurants and hotels. I hear the very metro-sexual, girlie-man-esque Morton has a thing for staying at the Kimpton Hotels, which are expensive and look like PeeWee’s Playhouse (or George Michaels’).

At least, this weekend, ICE agents won’t be working for TWO multi-millionaires. The Green Bay Packers are publicly-owned, as the Pack is the only NFL team ever allowed by the NFL to be owned by a corporation.

But that’s hardly solace for Americans who want our borders and laws enforced for OUR safety, not our publicly-funded federal agents working as the private police force on behalf of National Football League owners looking to get richer than even their current gazillions.