By Debbie Schlussel
This weekend, it’s a great time to read a good book or rent an old classic movie. There’s little decent at the movies, though “Awake” is okay. My reviews:
* “The Golden Compass“: Read my complete review, from yesterday. A young girl is given a magic golden compass, which answers questions with symbols. It helps her as she battles the evil (religious) Magisterium that wants to squelch free thinkers. She must also battle the Magisterium’s evil agent, Mrs. Coulter (Nicole Kidman). Dull, boring, anti-religious, and very scary for kids who won’t understand what is going on. Again, read my complete review.
* “Margot at the Wedding“: Probably the worst movie of the year, possibly the decade, and perhaps the century. 1.5 hours of your life very tragically wasted. Words cannot express how awful this movie is.

Will I ever be able to erase the scene of the naked, fat butt and back profile of Jack Black from my mind? I hope so. Then, there’s the scene of Nicole Kidman (Margot) masturbating. That seems to be the entire purpose of this weird, dreadful-to-the-nth movie: showing us these people’s gross private parts and hearing them talk about the coarse, such as whether they are still “f-ckable,” a frequent word in the dialogue. Oy.
The “plot,” if you can call it that: A selfish, highly-negative writer, Margot (Kidman) is upset that her sister with whom she’s not close, Pauline (Jennifer Jason Leigh), is marrying a loser (Jack Black). She goes to her sister’s house on the water to break up the wedding. But we really don’t see any of that. Instead, we see the ugly nakedness, see weird neighbors and their weird exploits, and watch Margot, her effeminate son, her sister, and her sister’s young daughter engage in weird conversations and talk about sex, but not in any way that would interest you, only in a way that would creep you out. Believe me, it’s way worse than it sounds.
This movie is absolutely horrid, as virtually the entire test audience at a promo screening agreed. YUCK! Skip at all cost.

* “Awake“: A young, handsome billionaire, Clay (Hayden Christensen), needs a heart transplant, and his doctor best friend (Terrence Howard) is going to do the transplant when a heart with a match is found. Meanwhile Clay is secretly engaged to his mother’s sexy assistant (Jessica Alba). His mother wants him to have a top surgeon do the trasplant, but he objects. She doesn’t want him to marry her assistant, either.
He gets married quickly and, suddenly, a heart becomes available. As he undergoes surgery, the anesthesia doesn’t completely take effect (this actually happens on occasion in real life). And the young billionaire can feel and hear everything, but can’t talk. He soon discovers that mother knows best, about very many things, as he overhears a plot to kill him.
While I often object that movies are way too long, this was, perhaps, a little short, at just 78 minutes. It didn’t give us much time to figure out what was going on. On the other hand, it was short and quick, and there were hints all along about who was in on the plot. And the resolution of the plot is different and new.
Not the greatest, but not bad–and certainly not so bad that they should have skipped critic screenings, as they did on this one–either.