July 8, 2005, - 2:30 pm
Why Jessica Alba’s NOT so Fantastic
By Debbie Schlussel
I screened Jessica Alba’s and Michael Chiklis’ new movie, “Fantastic Four,” and really liked it. But now, I can’t recommend it.
I can’t recommend F4 because its gorgeous and gorgeously dumb starlet, Alba, just can’t keep her mouth shut. And it betrays her low IQ.
In today’s New York Daily News, Alba tells gossip columnist Lloyd Grove how she’s opposed to the War in Iraq because her reservist uncle has to be there. That would be bad enough. But it gets worse.
Alba whines that her uncle signed up for the Army Reserve in California because “he’s Northern Italian, and he heard he could get a free trip to Italy.” As you can see, cluelessness runs in the Alba family. Too bad. A gorgeous face and body, but a very vacant mind. Nice house, nobody’s home.
Last July, the beautiful airhead told Grove, “I just don’t have a great feeling about what we’re doing in Iraq. I don’t know why we’re there.” But while many hard-working soldiers are there sacrificing their lives, Alba’s busy wearing gazillion-dollar baubles from celeb jeweler “Jacob the Jeweler.”
Tags: California, celeb jeweler, Debbie Schlussel, Fantastic Four, gossip columnist, Iraq, Italy, Jessica Alba, Jeweler, Lloyd Grove, Michael Chiklis, New York Daily News
For crying out loud, Debbie, are you kidding?
In a country where a significant percentage of its citizenry are against the War on Terror; and in that country’s entertainment industry, where an even larger percentage take that position, you’re going to not recommend a movie ? which you already said you liked ? because one of its actors is against it. No, wait. Strike that. Because one of its actors doesn?t understand it?!?!
It’s not like she’s donating to ANSWER, or going on “fact-finding” tours with Jeff Spicoli, or showing any sympathy towards the jihadists. She’s an air-headed dolt (albeit a hot one) who couldn’t think her way out of a word problem if her eyeliner depended upon it.
And what if one of F4’s stars approved of the WoT? Would a pro-WoT opinion cancel out one that’s anti? Or does the presence of one spoil the whole bunch?
Does this merely extend to the actors in a film? What about its director? Writer? How about the Gaffer? If you’re going to refrain from recommending moves that you like solely based upon the political viewpoints of one of its participants, why even bother seeing ANY movie, because I guarantee that over 90% of the movies in production are going to have at least one person on its staff whose opinions differ from yours.
Come on, Debbie. You liked the movie. Allow yourself to enjoy some escapism, because that’s why these movies are made. There will be plenty of legitimate targets to levy your wrath against when the houselights come up.
Yngvai on July 8, 2005 at 4:24 pm