By Debbie Schlussel

Yesterday, after voting for Donald Trump, I came from the polls depressed, thinking Trump would be trounced (and you may have read my analysis why from yesterday). I didn’t think he’d win Michigan and thought he’d be trounced nationwide. Sooooo glad I was wrong. SOOOO glad. Trump was only just declared the Michigan winner (by around 13,000 votes) two hours ago by MLive (they are still “counting” the votes in Detroit to find a way to make Hillary the winner). With Trump’s win, there are some big winners (aside from the Trumps and America) and losers (aside from the Clintons and the left). And these winners and losers come with some lessons (such as the overrated power of the Muslim vote even in Michigan):

LOSERS

* Merrick Garland: He was expecting to be on the Supreme Court and Republican Senators quietly met with him because they expected her to win. Though he is far more radical than he’s portrayed, he’s relatively more moderate compared to whom Hillary would nominate. Senators planned to quickly confirm him if Hillary won. Now, that’s off the table and Garland is a footnote in history, not a new member of SCOTUS. He’s probably the biggest loser in this thing, other than Hillary. A shlemazel (or maybe a shlemiel), for sure. I’m glad he won’t be confirmed because, as a conservative, I want the court to go in a conservative direction. And, also, I think it’s bad for American Jews for there to be four Jewish liberal Supreme Court Justices, which there would have been with him. While I’m against quotas, it would have given fodder to anti-Semites and it’s not a good look.

* Barack Hussein Obama and Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Hussein Obama Idi Amin Dada: They embarrassed themselves with this loss. They wanted to spend their last months in the White House with him golfing and her shopping for more ridiculously-expensive designer clothes. Instead, they had to actually “work”–flying around begging Blacks and millennials to vote for Hillary in a Hail Mary. It failed. Hillary lost, and therefore, they lost even bigger. Obama showed he had no coat tails and no legacy. It’s all over for them. It may be all over for any political hopes Mrs. Obama had.

Follow Me on Twitter . . .

It's Official: Barack Obama has ZERO coat tails. #tcot #gop #ElectionNight President Trump #MAGA #Trump

— Debbie Schlussel (@DebbieSchlussel) November 9, 2016

* NeverTrumpers: These fake “conservatives” had no problem supporting RINO fake conservatives including George W. Bush, John McCain, and Mitt Romneycare Romney. But this time around, they thought they’d make bigger names for themselves. Most of them are schmucks and most of them are the same people who supported “democracy” in Iraq and other BS over the years.

I’m talking about Rich Lowry and his gang from National Review, including all the proud high school grads like airhead #mommyblogger Dana Loesch (whose hubby is collecting government welfare in the millions), who signed that anti-Trump declaration. #NeverTrumper Loesch praised a guy on Twitter for saying all American Jews should be deported to Israel, and she thanked him for this. That’s the #NeverTrumper crowd and they must be swept out. That includes Erick Erickson, who had no prob repeatedly bullying me with anti-Semitism on Twitter, and who praised those promoting Muslim death, rape, and torture threats on my life and Holocaust-denial (against me and my late Holocaust-survivor grandmother).

Don’t forget Bill Kristol, David Frum, David Brooks, and Jonah Goldberg–Jews who have no problem allying with and tolerating people who make these comments toward Jews like me. Goldberg, the author of a book on fascism, seems to like practicing it now, himself. Oh, and his and Lowry’s mag still runs the “work” of anti-Semitic jihadist Grover Norquist (they banned me for exposing him and Al-Qaeda-fan Suhail Khan). Frum and Brooks proudly announced they voted for Shrillary. Then there’s that arrogant, self-important snake Ben Shapiro–a smug twit and plagiarist who is now trying to weasel his way back into the right, just hours after calling Trump, “evil,” last night. He won’t even apologize after defaming the GOP and the Trump campaign as bigots and anti-Semitic to the New York Times and the Forward. Give no quarter to him. He just wants to sell books and now his 99 cents book isn’t selling. At all. So he’s once again sticking his wet finger in the air to see which way the wind blows so he can eagerly follow it. So sad. Croc tears.

There’s a whole host of phonies on FOX News, including George Will, Brit Hume (really a liberal who was exiled from ABC News and whose philandering rumors make Trump’s rumors look microscopic in comparison), that bimbo Katie Pavlich (who must have a degree from ASU in partying or sororitying–and did she service Sean Hannity?), and “Mitt Happens” himself, Mitt Romney. Romney’s moronic, Hezbollah-defending, amnesty-pimp advisor Dan Senor (a Canadian leftist married to HAMAS-lover Campbell Brown).

Dana Perino, who owes her “success” to Tony Snow dying of cancer and leaving the Bush White House to earn some last money for his family before his death. She has some stupid book about her dog (“America’s dog,” she claims–uh, NO) and has been spending the last few weeks attacking Trump and demanding that he and the GOP provide months of paid leave for pregnancy and childcare. You pay for it, bitch. Not everyone has Rupert Murdoch’s deep pockets and this idiotette clearly doesn’t understand what it takes to run a small business. Not even close. She spoke in Michigan several years ago and told the crowd how “comfortable and safe” she “feels” with Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State. BARF.

Then, there’s the fabulously flamboyant–if ya know what I mean–Lindsey Graham who refused to vote for Trump. And the arrogant Governor of Ohio, John Kasich, who attacks police after he commits traffic infractions. By the way, did you know that his father was a mailman? Ditto for the Bushes. JEB! is like Veruca Salt in “Willy Wonka.” And he can’t handle that he didn’t get his golden ticket.

All of these people should be BANISHED from our movement. NEVER let them come crawling back in. Let them slither elsewhere. Many of these idiots supported the faulty, total de-Ba’ath-ification of the entire Iraqi Army, creating the resentment and void that led to ISIS. As my late dad said (father does know best), they should have only removed the Saddam-sympathizing Ba’athist generals. And we should remove the Ba’athist generals in our movement: the Never Trumpers I named above. Their rank and file can be forgiven if they come around.

* UPDATE: I forgot Glenn Beck, as reader Skunky pointed out. That guy is the worst. Totally off the deep end. Now says Obama made him “a better man” and that he’s now a supporter of Black Lives Matter. Don’t hold your breath for fellow phony “conservatives” with a platform (including Michelle Fraudkin, whose latest non-selling books he published) to denounce him.

* Chelsea Foster-Clinton-Mezvinsky: The child of questionable spermiage (the late Vince Foster, last of Fort Marcy Park?) and Hillary’s egg lived, as we know, for 36 years without ever working a real job a day in her life. This “highbrow” welfare queen got appointed to boards, was given no-show jobs at NBC and McKinsey, and illegally lived her fancy lifestyle off the Clinton Foundation slush fund. Her hubby, Marc Mezvinsky, also the son of crooks, has an investment firm that ain’t doing so hot. It’s losing money. Now that the Clinton Foundation slush fund will run dry, time for him and Chelsea to sell the $10 million condo in New York and downsize. The money will run out. No more fake stories in Vogue, in which she claims to have given life lessons and advice to Oscar de la Renta–an 80-something renowned designer, whom I doubt asked snot-nosed 30-something spoiled brat Chelsea about anything.

Chelsea Foster-Clinton-Mezvinsky looks like she cried her eyes out last night #tcot #gop #buhbyeDynasties #tcot #gop #PresidentelectTrump

— Debbie Schlussel (@DebbieSchlussel) November 9, 2016

* Newsweek: The magazine published its own modern-day version of “DEWEY BEATS TRUMAN,” with a “Madam President” cover. Now all of those copies will make great recycling pulp for something. Hey, Newsweek, “Madam President” is only on CBS, NOT in our White House.

"DEWEY BEATS TRUMAN" See Newsweek cover below . . . #tcot #gop #ElectionNight #PresidentTrump #MAGA President Trump pic.twitter.com/Zx4d4clYEU

— Debbie Schlussel (@DebbieSchlussel) November 9, 2016

Sorry, Newsweek. Madam President is only on CBS, not in our White House. President Trump #PresidentTrump #ElectionNight #tcot #gop pic.twitter.com/oL844THjop

— Debbie Schlussel (@DebbieSchlussel) November 9, 2016

* Bill Clinton: He looked almost in tears today, and maybe a little angry, as Hillary delivered her concession speech in purple. Sad and angry not because she lost. But because he now cannot return to the White House residence to troll interns. And there goes the shot at a nomination as Chief Justice of the Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest. You’re still eligible for that, even if disbarred.

Bill Clinton looks like he's gonna cry. Not cuz she lost. Bc he can't be Chief Justice of Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest. #PresidentTrump

— Debbie Schlussel (@DebbieSchlussel) November 9, 2016

That was pretty brutal … and exquisite. https://t.co/2JeZhd3cQ4

— Dennis Robbins (@TheNewsGuy) November 9, 2016

* The Muslim Vote and Muslim “Political Power”: Despite Bill Clinton’s trolling through Hezbollah hangouts in Dearbornistan with persons of interest in Islamic terrorism investigations–and despite unprecedented efforts by Muslim organizers who spent millions to get out the Muslim vote in Dearbornistan and elsewhere–they didn’t make a dent. They didn’t affect the election. Trump won Michigan. And the Muslims couldn’t even win a tiny race in their own Dearbornistan (more on that in a separate post later). Democrats–and more importantly, DHIMMI Republicans like Trump ally Chris ChrispieCreme of New Jersey–need to heed this message: Muslims don’t decide elections. They are such a minuscule fraction of the vote that they are irrelevant. Sadly, I predict the GOP will continue to pander to Muslims anyway. Don’t be surprised if you see leaders from Dearbornistan at a Trump White House Ramadan Iftar dinner. Mark my word. That’s why we gotta hold Trump’s feet to the fire.

* Incompetent FBI Director James Comey: For obvious reasons, to Trump he’s “dead to me.” Toast. His resignation will come by March or April if not earlier. Maybe Obama will fire him first.

* Paul Ryan: His open support for amnesty and open borders and his constant endorsement/non-endorsement of Trump backfired on him. His power and stature are diminished. Sadly, I think he’ll hold onto the Speakership.

* FOX NEWS’ second-largest individual shareholder, Saudi Prince Al-Waleed Bin Talal: He’s the reason I call FOX News “PAWNN” (the Prince Al-Waleed News Network). Check out some of his tweets from two different dates:

I promise, I promise, I really didn’t mean what I said before. Please like me.

* Pollsters: They were so wrong, with few exceptions, like the L.A. Times/USC poll. Frank Luntz was so angry, which made me laugh in glee. Fire ’em all. Put ’em outta biz.

WINNERS

* Billy Bush: Yes, he lost his job on the “Today” show for the hot mic video with Trump. But he got $10 million as a parting gift–the $10 million he’d have to work three years to earn. Now he can sit around, “repent” to the leftist media, and get his next job. Yes, he won’t take over for Matt Lauer as was his plan. But he has three years and $10 million to do nothing. Would you look at that as a bad ending?

BTW, if I were Trump, I’d hire him as my spokesman, just to tweak the media who tried to use his video to kill my campaign.

If @RealDonaldTrump really wants to tweak angry media libs, he'd hire Billy Bush as his new Press Secretary #ElectionNight #MAGA #TrumpTrain

— Debbie Schlussel (@DebbieSchlussel) November 9, 2016

* The Trump Kids: Although some of them were known from “The Apprentice,” now they are mega-stars. Everyone knows who they are. Great for their brands and whatever they want to do and sell (Ivanka’s used the platform to sell out her namesake clothes and shoes).

* Women: While Trump’s voters were repeatedly belittled and defamed as “uneducated” (because four years at ASU or MSU or even Harvard makes you VERY educated, right? Nope, still just a dummy), the fact is that 52% of women voted for Trump. Hillary lost us (she never had me!). And I’m glad. We were seen as a monolith that votes liberal (and I thought so, too, with the exception of myself and women with brains). But that was wrong. And women voted for Trump, despite being lectured that we must vote Hillary and that Trump was anti-women (by Megyn Kelly and other liars). We won by electing Trump. He’ll help us start businesses and change our lives for the better by deregulating, lowering taxes, and hopefully ending Obamacare. All of these things must be done and we all–men and women–must hold Trump’s feet to the fire.

Trump is good for my business (in the last 24 hours on Twitter) . . .

* The Little Guy: Working-class White men and small business owners were largely ignored by all candidates for Prez, including in the GOP, during the past few campaigns. They were taken for granted or passed over for “outreach” to women and minorities. Trump didn’t do that. He put them front and center. And they showed they can win elections for people, something even I highly doubted. Glad I was wrong. Male power is back. So is masculinity. Melania Trump is not the penis in the marriage, unlike Michelle Hussein Obama. Now, let’s see what Trump does to help men by stopping de facto amnesty and flooded borders. BTW, calling men “baskets of deplorables” is stupid. And Hillary heard the roar of the backlash. Trump won Northen Michigan, where Obama won big. He outperformed Mitt Romney there by 14%.

* Psychologists: They were fame-whoring all over morning TV shows today with their psychobabble about “healing” America and “talking to our kids,” especially some Black psychologist chicks. Yeah, America don’t need more dumb “advice” from an affirmative action chick with a meaningless degree and a gargantuan shoulder-chip and ego. Um, sorry, but if we’re that fragile and weak that we need this pop psychology crap over an election, we’re f-cked. And I don’t think we are. Just the left is, because they don’t teach kids to deal with the real world and normal every day occurrences like wins and losses. They wanted to give Hillary a participation trophy (which is kinda what the Clinton Foundation was). Trump won. Deal with it. The country’s fine. He’s not rounding up people to camps or raiding the gay marital bedroom. So stop trying to BS us with that crap. The propaganda was so obvious you could cut it with a knife. So ridiculous, it was comedic. We’re America. Stop acting like we’re a joke.

* Megynecologist Megyn Kelly: I despise this ignorant supermodel-wannabe posing as a journalist. She isn’t one. Not even close. She is such a nothing. And she doesn’t know anything. But she used Trump and her attacks on him as a feminist platform to be accepted by the mainstream. She rode Trump to fame. And, now, she may get a contract worth more than $20 million a year, all off Trump’s back. She’s pissed he won. But she is happily pimping her ghostwritten book about him and Roger Ailes, including today on “Live With Kelly”–where she dispensed beauty tips on Spanx and self-tanner, like every serious journalist does–and on Dr. Phil (isn’t that where all serious journalists appear?). Though her ratings are down (she actually lost in ratings to Rachel Maddow!), she’s making a mint off of screwing (though not literally) Trump. Just saying.

* Kellyanne Conway/Grover Norquist: While Kellyanne Conway did a great job with the Trump campaign, most of it was because of Trump and his media-getting abilities. Plus his way of telling the working-class that they would not be left behind. The problem is that she’s tight with jihadist Grover Norquist, who is a closeted gay that supports anti-gay jihadists (and converted to Islam, plus took money from Al-Qaeda). Grover put Kellyanne on the map, by featuring her at his weekly meetings of conservative grassroots groups and candidates for office, where she got a lot of lucrative clients, after serving as an assistant to Frank Luntz. He has her air, and Al-Qaeda and HAMAS in America have his ear. That’s a problem. He should’ve been behind bars for money-laundering money for Jack Abramoff (and taking money Al-Qaeda), but he skated because Karl Rove protected him at the Bush White House and Justice Department. He’s Kellyanne’s buddy. Kellyanne once told a Jewish friend of mine running for Congress that he should stop being pro-Israel and “so Jewish” because Grover didn’t like it. Again, he’s Kellyanne’s BFF.

* Rush Limbaugh/Sean Hannity/Michael Savage/Alex Jones: All of them loyally promoted Trump on their shows. Rush is the only one that was truly sincere about it. It was a business decision for Sean Hannity (who openly called for amnesty after the 2012 elections). Megalomaniac and former Allen Ginsburg naked swimming (and rumored romantic) partner Michael Savage laces his show with more and more anti-Semitic rhetoric, such as when he recently called anti-Israel Wolf Blitzer a “stinkin’ rotten agent of Israel,” just because Blitzer’s Jewish. He had Trump on his show so he could claim he made Trump the winner and is a kingmaker. No other candidate running for the GOP nomination would go on that show. Ditto for the highly anti-Semitic Alex Jones Show. Trump’s people clearly didn’t research the show (I hope they do better in the White House). But his appearances on all of these shows helped him immensely. And now all of these personalities can claim to be kingmakers. Limbaugh is really the only one with a legit claim on this title, as he still has a lot of influence on listeners.

* Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin: They lost, didn’t they? So why am I putting them in the win column? Well, because I don’t believe Trump is actually going to go after them. Real justice would dictate that he would. But he just won the Presidency, and I think deep down, he’s a more moderate person who remembers his friendship with the Clintons. Even if he isn’t, I’m sure his team will advise him not to pursue a new Justice Department investigation of Hillary and Huma and the classified e-mails and the private server.

I predict they skate. They shouldn’t since a lot of other military and government employees were criminally-charged for a lot less. But, just watch, they win here. They will be able to move on without charges.

So, who are your winners and losers of the race and why?