By Debbie Schlussel

There’s a reason Janoris Jenkins‘ first name rhymes with clitoris.  For a non-gynecologist, he’s come into contact with way too many of them.

Jenkins, a cornerback who is set to be picked in the first round of the upcoming NFL Draft, is 23 years old, but he’s already fathered four illegitimate kids under the age of three, by three different women.  Three of those kids were reportedly born in the same year, by the way.  Dude gets around.  And now he’s on the way to being cast as your child’s next role model.  Just terrific.

I agree with Rush Limbaugh and most other conservatives that no one (especially not private and/or religious institutions) should be forced to pay for the contraception of sluts.  And Jenkins and his multiple hoochie-mamas are evidence that it’s not being used by those who should be using it, anyway.  And while we’re at requiring everyone to provide birth control for free, why not provide lessons in baby naming for those who decline?  Jenkins’ kids are named, Janoris Jr., Janorion (I guess that’s the “Official Planet of Janorises”), Legend, and Paris.

And they’re emblems that America has lost the culture war–that it’s hip to father and give birth to lots of kids outside of marriage, breeding generations of future criminals, drug addicts, and assorted other losers.  Jenkins is well on his way to being like some other NFL players I’ve written about on this site, including Travis Henry, who fathered at least 11 kids with ten different women, and Antonio Cromartie, who fathered eight kids with six different women in six different states by the age of 26 and most of the kids are the same age.  But, even outside the NFL and on the right-wing side of the aisle, babymamas like Bristol Palin are rewarded with reality shows for the sole reason that they had sex in high school and had an illegitimate kid.  In fact, the words “illegitimate” and “bastard” aren’t even used anymore.  There’s no stigma.  It’s more “uncool” to actually marry first and have kids with an intact nuclear family.  It’s no longer just a trend.  It’s the ever-increasing death of America.

And like Bristol Palin’s cable reality show, the sad thing is that Jenkins will also be rewarded–and not penalized in the least–for his disgusting behavior.  Many NFL teams are looking at drafting him (yes, at least, he has a marketable talent, unlike Bristol Palin whose only “talent” was on her back).  He’ll sign a multi-million dollar deal after he’s drafted.  And even after that’s garnished for the child support of four kids, he’ll still have plenty left over.  It’s only if he makes it into Travis Henry numbers that he’ll have nothing left.  Henry turned to drug dealing to make up the difference and is now in federal prison for a long time as a result.  But NFL teams don’t care how many kids you’ve fathered and neglected in your life of entitlement on the way to major league sports riches.  They just want those kids to buy jerseys and watch telecasts to make the NFL owners richer.

And they don’t care about Janoris Jenkins’ criminal record, either.  Jenkins was arrested three times.  He was Tasered during a June 2009 street fight outside a bar, and he was caught smoking marijuana twice in a period of three months in 2011.  For his behavior, Rhymes-With-Clitoris was kicked out of the University of Florida,  but he was quickly scooped up by North Alabama, and, again, he’ll be quickly scooped up in the NFL Draft’s initial round.  If you can run the ball, you get a million second chances (or if you’re born to a famous ex-half-Governor), even though your kids won’t even get a first chance.

No matter where he’s drafted, you can bet that this jerk will father more kids.  And it’s also probably a good bet that within a couple of years of the end of his NFL career, he’ll be broke.  It’s just that predictable.

Even more predictable is that the NFL will never have a conscience or even the most basic standards that say, if you can’t keep your pants on, you won’t wear our jockstrap.